First off, thank you guys for responding to my first post and giving me your own insight and words of encouragement. It has been much appreciated. As i have already mentioned i think one of the nicest things is just knowing that there are other people out there who feel the same way i do.

i did want to respond to the post that Journey had put up regarding a lot of negative posts, etc on the site. i have not been here long enough to make any blanket statements and i do not necessarily think it is beneficial to make, "judgments." with that being said though i have already seen in just a day and a half that we are all tied together through this one common bond and we all have the potential to lend each other fresh ideas, words of encouragement and a different perspective. that is something that i want to offer to the rest of this group in addition to the times where i will need a helping hand as well. i think it is perfectly normal to vent and to also offer help to each other as well. that's what we are all here for, right?

i actually have a really good relationship with my BF's 3 kids. i think one thing that has worked in our favor is that they are still fairly young - 9, 7 and 3 and in my opinion maybe a little more open to someone in my position coming into their lives. i think sometimes what IS so frustrating is that i do have a good relationship with them and that i do feel a lot for them but that i also feel neglected at times and unappreciated. the truth is that these situations demand that you put in most of the effort to foster a relationship with them and it is not equally or even partially reciprocated for a long time. i do believe there are moments where they express their gratitude, etc but they are fleeting. afterall, they are kids. but i think i hope that as they continue to grow up that will reciprocate what i have put into the relationship by coming to me for advice or wanting to do things with me, confiding in me, etc. and i do want to feel a sense of pride that i helped to shape them into well rounded people.

often times my greatest frustration lies with my BF and finding a balance that works for BOTH of us when it comes to the kids. i know that when he sees them his first priority is to be their dad and i admire him greatly for that. i would be turned off if he were a neglectful father but i think because his marriage was loveless and that he never parented WITH his wife that he does not necessarily know how to maintain a relationship within the dynamic of having kids and to do it together as a couple. a lot of times we both parent but it's done as a tag team rather than together. i think you can be connected and also parent your kids as they should be but you both have to be willing to take a step back and realize what you can do to facilitate that and then put it into action.

i think my BF and i disconnect on this issue. just this weekend i told him i felt like sometimes he wanted me to be with him and the kids just because he wanted a helping hand (rather than wanting us to be together with them) and he shot back a response that these were my "hang ups," and he was not going to dignify them anymore. I decided not to respond and am still not talking to him mostly because i dont want to say something hurtful and i really don't feel like arguing. so for now i decided to stay silent and just keep to myself. i need him to be able to take that step back and gain some perspective. as someone posted yesterday we will probably never agree to each other's point of views BUT there can be some mutual understanding and respect. i think there has to be if we are to continue moving forward. the truth is if we are family this ISN'T my hang up, this is an issue we have to work through together and honestly i think he choses to deflect because 1) it's his knee jerk reaction and 2) he is not sure how to find the balance between me and the kids especially after what we went through with maddie. we began therapy last week NOT specific just to the kids but because we felt it would help us stay better connected and to reach the mutual understanding that falters a lot when it does come to topics like the kids. i truly hope that will help us to bridge this gap......we can only take it one day at a time and put our best foot forward.