Frustrated about my relationship and need advice
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now there is a 6 year age difference he is 31 and I am 25 he has 3 kids and divorced I have no kids and have never been married. So my family does not like him and gives me a really hard time about it we have had our ups and downs in our relationship like any other relationship but whats important to me as that we bout are still working on keeping each other comfortable with working on our attitude. The issue that I’m having is that he is not there for me like I really think he should I allowed him to use my car for a couple of months like 7 months in that time frame he dented my bumper and broke me back light and dent in the front side of my car. He has not yet given me the money for repairs which really frustrates me as a man I think he could be better of fixing what he broke since I was nice to let him drive my car for so long. We no longer live together which is great because we had issue on him providing his half of the bills which pissed me off as well. We went to a place that had bowling and laser tag and pool he did not even pay my way he paid his was and I paid mine the thing that bothered me about it was that we didn’t discuss payment before hand when we got to the booth to pay he looked at me and said what are you waiting on it really embarrassed me and I was like oh ok so ill pay for mine. Was always there for him when he needed money for gas and when I was low on gas from coming to his house every night I asked him to help me with gas money he stated no he doesn’t have it and I need to figure it out which I had to ask my sister for gas money. So the next time he asked me for gas money I told him I could not give him gas money because I need to make sure I have money for gas so I won’t have to ask my sister. He got very upset and said well then this relationship is not going any where. I’m just not sure what to do in this matter I’m not saying I’m perfect and I know relationships are hard but I don’t know what to do about my relationship and need advice.
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He's using you. Sorry, its
He's using you. Sorry, its harsh. I can see why your family doesn't like him. He is taking and not giving back. He gives nothing to your relationship. Everything you wrote in your post says "user" and mooch.
Its wonderful you two don't live together. He's an entitled adult, when you tell him no he is rude to you. His last comment says "if you don't give me what I want, I will end the relationship". Emotional blackmail.
Just break up with him.
So..... when you couldn't
So..... when you couldn't cough up the $$ he "needed" he decided the relationship wasn't going anywhere? But before that, as long as you could help him with bills, gas money, and pay your own way everything was OK?
Not trying to be mean or anything, but read your post again and this time, imagine your best friend is telling you this story. What would you say to her in this situation?
You are correct, relationships are HARD. And they aren't always 50/50 either. But this one sounds totally lopsided to me, and not to your benefit either.
My advice is to dump this
My advice is to dump this loser. He's only using you. Thank goodness you're not living with this dork.
Thanks every one so much for
Thanks every one so much for the advice I really needed it. I love the one that stated read it again and act like its your best friend saying this story to me that really helped out alot. I guess what i was Struggling with is I did not want to be the type of person to miss out on love or leave someone just because they did not have money. I'm not saying he has to be rich because I'm far from rich but I do help him out with what I do have and he helps me out with none. Ok but hear me out on this part. So he is a God fearing man goes to chruch every sunday and bible study and he has really brought me closer to my walk with God and faith. We have both done really great on fixing things about our self with listening to each other more and working on the relationship. So everything is not bad its just the fact of me feeling like he is not there for me or i feel like he does not have my back like I have his that I feel like the relationship is at a holt. So in this case is it worth working on the relatioship and maybe he can learn to be there for me like i need him to be or do I just give up on the relationship?
No its not worth trying to
No its not worth trying to teach him something he may never learn. At 31 he should know this already. Just give up.
>>>maybe he can learn to be
>>>maybe he can learn to be there for me like i need him to be<<<
There are so many other people out there who already have the qualities you want. It's easier to find one of them than attempt to fix the moocher you already have.
Oh geez.....he pulled the
Oh geez.....he pulled the church and walk with god card?? I hate this type of guy. This is just another way for him to manipulate you. Going to church and bible study doesn't make him a christian any more than me telling you I'm a doctor because I'm wearing a white coat and hung a stethoscope around my neck.
I was raised in a Pentecostal church. Do not be fooled by this type of hypocrite. I refer to this type of "christian" as a pick your sin christian. They will always tell you when you're not following the word, but always manage to justify their own sins.
You need to reconsider what this person really brings to the table. This is the type of person who will always threaten ending the relationship when you don't give into him. He will make it your fault because you refuse to compromise. Don't let him do this to you. Next time he says it's over because you're not cooperating, tell him that you agree and you're moving back to California. He will probably change his tune, however this will be a temporary fix until your defenses are down and it will start all over again.
You're only 25 and you can do a lot better than a moocher. You seem like a nice young lady and there are a lot of single, childless men out there that would be much better for you!
A lot of us women seem to be
A lot of us women seem to be drawn to "fixer uppers" sadly. I know I am. I've had three "fixer uppers" and it just doesn't work.
Do not continue this very lop sided relationship as it will get worse. The next thing you know he'll be pulling the marriage card and want to get married. And why not? When you're providing for him and his children as a "kept biodad." Great deal for him, terrible deal for you. RUN!!
I was in a similar situation
I was in a similar situation with DH, he was 29 and I was 21 when we were dating, and he had two daughters who lived with his parents at the time. He did not financially support them, which upset me. And he never asked but I gave him money a couple times, while paying for our wedding by myself. I asked him if he would at least grab the tab for the hotel room the night we got married, but no... I got that too. I usually paid for our meals out, and usually was the one to make the 180 mile drive, for a 1 day visit. Although come to think of it he did give me gas money one time.
The only difference for me is that he always offered to pay me back, and I always said no.
This is also why I have a huge problem with the fact that BM doesn't pay child support, and I only recently talked him into making her pay her half of the skids medical bills. I feel you, for sure.
If DH EVER said to me things would end if I told him no, I'd kick him to the curb.
Yes all of your points make
Yes all of your points make everything so clear to me I want to thank everyone for their words and advice. I’m going to sit down with him tonight and let him know how we can no longer be in a relationship because of his actions. And its bring stree to my life that I don't need.I will give you all an update on how it turns out. Thanks all once again.
Question if he has put 3
Question if he has put 3 dents on my car while I was letting him use my car while he did not have a car so he used my car for 7 months but he still has not paid for the repairs not even 5$ or 20$ here and there to put toward the repairs. If he needs to use my car again because his car broke down would it be out of line for me to say no you can not use my car at all because I’m still paying for the repairs that you dented on my car and still paying for the ticket he got on my car that he didn’t pay for as well or would it be ok to let him use my car for just one day to let him figure what he needs to do on his car and tell him he can only use my car for one day because I’m still paying for repairs on my car that he has failed to pay for plus he has gotten a ticket on my car that he still has not paid for.
The talk Update on what
The talk Update on what happened
OMG so before I could even tell my boyfriend that we should no longer be together on his way to my house he got stopped by the police and got token to jail. I was so going to let them tow his car and have him call someone else to pick him up when he got out of jail because I had to get up for work in the morning and did not feel like getting up a 4am to pick him up from jail. But me being the kind hearted person I am went to pick up his car before they took him to jail so they wont tow it and then pick him up from jail. I’m just sick of the issues that come with them he is not like a normal person when you only have to be there for them every once in a while for him he is always getting into something either its needing money needing to use my car or watch his 3 kids or picking him up from jail ugh can you say stressed out. Ok well anyway when I went to go pick him up from jail I let him know how I was feeling about us no longer being together he of coursed talked me down from it saying we have been together to long to let this break us up and to let him show that he could be here for me like I would like for him to be. So I told him ok I can give you some time to prove yourself to me but until that time I will not and can not give him money here and there because he has not shown me he can be there for me in that way as well. I know I know I should just drop him but it is harder to give up when you been together 2 years so we will see how that goes.