I tend to have a big mouth sometimes & in a situation as this, here's what I would do. Tell DH that you're fine with confronting the SD, but you will say whatever you need to say & it might be out of line. No matter. You won't apologize for it. And frankly you don't care if either he or SD likes it at all. And if he doesn't like what you have to say, tough crap. He should have done the speaking then.

That's just me though.

Mary, my now exfiance has a 22year old SD from last marriage who insulted me up one side and down the other first time we eevr met her for dinner, he never stood up to her. It caused alot of resentment. Thing is I have asked two professional counselors, a friend and the one I pay. It is his respondsibility , she will only take everything you say and make it worse, he needs to calmly and respectfully tell her where to get off. Good luck, I never got my day of defense and it woud have meant the world to my heart.

Sure, you can tell her what "we" think, then you get to be the bad guy and he keeps on smelling like a rose.

If we were talking about a child or that child's mother, then I would say yes, it MUST come from DH. But she's an adult and if she says or does something that is upsetting to YOU, then YOU have every right to call her on it. Don't word it as "we," though, use "I."

Example: SD29, I believe we are very equal in our dealings with all of our children and grandchildren. I'm sorry you disagree. I would suggest you start acting like the adult you are and say "thank you" instead of acting like a spoiled, jealous child, sitting in a corner on Christmas morning tabulating everything she and her siblings got from Santa and comparing who got more.

We're not talking about a child who said hurtful things to you. We are talking about an "adult" who said hurtful things to you. What if any other adult in your life spoke to you that way? Would you let it slide or expect your DH to stand up for you? I mean, he certainly SHOULD, but if he WON'T, well, I wouldn't stand by and take it. I'd tell her to put her hand back in her pocket and grow the hell up.

~ Anne ~

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It's hard to fully understand this situation without knowing more details. For example: How long have you been married. In what ways does she feel that she is not being treated equally. Who is she comparing herself too.

I tend to respond defensively at times but I know it isn't going to get me where I'm want to be. If you are a newlywed, it might be wise to tread lightly. If you've been in the relationship for a while and you are an established person in this "family" then I would start asking questions.

In my experience, a question puts the aggressor in a position to take responsibility for their words, actions etc. Being kind, and stating that you are sorry they feel that way and asking her what is going on, might just let her vent, work it out and bring you closer.

I know that seems like a different approach, but adult or child, people can sometimes revert to juvenile behavior when they just need a little love.

I've change my mind. It doesn't matter how long you've been in the relationship. Refer to the asking question part.

d

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Usually when someone hurts our feelings and we don't discuss it with them, it builds resentment, doesn't it? I would talk to her about what you heard, what was said and how it made you feel. The reason she is your DH SD is all the more reason to be honest with her and make sure she is aware of how hurtful she was; that's what family does. Especially as a 29 YO; she's an adult and trying to protect her feelings at the expense of your own is unfair to everyone.

It would be ideal if DH would talk to her about it, but that puts him in the middle of 2 adult women. I wouldn't ask my worse enemy to do that.

Empower yourself with the same way you would handle this with any adult. Don't let her status minimize her actions. If you don't say anything, it will be like you accept that behavior and give her free reign to do it again. You don't want that, do you?