So I have posted bits and pieces of my story in other posts. Married DH in 9/06. I have BS15, BS10, BS7, SD16 and SD13. DH and I BOTH pay CS because our exes make less than we do. I share 50/50 custody with ex (although the way it usually works out my boys spend more time with me - which is great). DH has every other weekend with SDs plus every Tue/Wed night visitation.

Anyway, DH has always been very generous with BM. He's a great guy/great dad and has always wanted to do the best by his girls. I admire that so much and feel the same way with my boys - we never want them to "do without" because of the divorces, finances, etc.

He pays BM several hundred dollars more per month than the guidelines would dictate - which is fine - he agreed to a number he felt was fair. He also buys the girls whatever they need when they're with him/us. The problem of course is that it is never enough. BM nickels and dimes him for every expense she doesn't feel like paying. And of course never asks - always demands. "Your 70% is X. Please bring it tomorrow." (Their agreement says they're supposed to discuss/negotiate anything considered "extraordinary" - other than summer camp and medical - for which he pays 70%, always immediately upon request and without argument). So he finally started saying "no" to these nickel and dime demands. The first time he said "no" she insisted they return to mediation.

They went to mediation (she chose the mediator, by the way) and the mediator told BM that SHE was the one with the problem!!! The crux of her argument was that DH should pay more because she does "everything." She's right in a way - she does do more - but that's because when DH tries to enforce his weekend visitations she stands there and says "You can't make them go if they don't want to." And so they decided to let the girls decide if they want to spend their weekends with us or not (they're teenagers - so weekends with us means they're away from their friends - we're not insulted and have a good relationship with them). DH is always willing to take them for any weekend, or even just for the day if they prefer that. And now she's blaming DH because she's stressed out and has to do "everything." (I should mention that BM has a live-in mother that does all the cooking, cleaning and laundry for the household! She's also remarried and her husband helps out.) But anyway, the mediator told BM that she has a communication problem - and she needs to make an effort to involve DH more, and not try to solve everything and then play martyr. At one point BM was ranting about feeling overwhelmed and the mediator told her, "That's between you and your psychologist!". Hahahaha!

She did no homework, no research or anything to prepare for the meeting. She was shocked to learn that she would get even less CS if she went to court! She just assumed that she would turn on the tears and that the mediator would see how she does "everything" and how stressed out she is and tell DH that he was a bad father and that he should just pay whatever BM wants. Didn't happen! Chalk one up for the good guys! Mediation rocks!