When I think about my kids I want to burst with pride, my hippy 7yr DD, my caveman son 4yrs, and my baby with a spine of steel.

So to think of any one not taking my kids and I as a package deal. Yes the bride and your dh's kids are blood but how can your husband think that you would be able to go off (to what hopefully is a fun time) with him and his kids while leaving your children with a sitter would not completely sit well with me either.

Yes I too would be upset.

DJ

How long have you guys been together? Are you married? Are the children who were paid for in the wedding? Have you and she gotten along in the past? Are the children known to be...what's the word...ornery?

Based on the information given, I would say this:

Weddings are expensive, or at least they certainly can be. Paying to feed, much less fly two extra guests (unless they are very small, in which case she may have thought you would have a better time not looking after them) may have been more than she could afford. Sometimes you just can't invite everyone you want to invite.

Another thought...you may want to have DH talk to her. Maybe she didn't invite the kids because she couldn't afford to fly them out there. You may want to see if this is the case, and perhaps you could foot the bill to get them there.

In terms of being offended, it seems to me like maybe you should ask your significant other to talk to her about why they weren't invited. You may be surprised at the reason. However, if it has anything to do with your kids specifically, you may be better off staying at home with them. You certainly shouldn't be expected to attend someone's wedding who has insulted your offspring. This may be something DH has to live with.

I feel like this is not much help, but I'll check back tomorrow to see if you have responded to the questions. I think it would be easier to give sound advice based on more information.

Good luck.

I agree with dbsojo we need more information.

Myself and my husband take a very strong stand on this issue. In our view

"what you do for one child under our roof you do for all the children or you don't do for any of them at all."

The children will be treated equally.

I understand weddings are expensive. But, if your sister in law wasn't willing or couldn't afford to cover the air fare for ALL FOUR children. Then she should have not offered to cover the air fare for ANY of the children. Period!

She simply could have offered to cover you and your husbands air fare. And left you two to cover the air fare of ALL FOUR children. That would have been the tactful and fair thing to do.

In our house hold, we have had a few similar situations with DH's family. None of us went, including DH. In my husband's view if his family excludes me or any of the children then none of us attend, including him.

In your situation your DH is insisting that you go..I cant help but wonder if he would want to attend one of your family function if HIS kids were excluded?? Bet not! Have you talked to DH about this and about how you feel about it?

I can tell you that if I was in your situation. Not only would I not attend, but none of the four children would either. And if hubby wanted to attend, he would be attending all by himself with out me or any of the kids.

Now I have been jaded by my horrible in laws and the stuff I have gone through but if this happened in our household. I would be under the impression that they didn't offer to cover the air fare hoping that we wouldn't be able to afford to cover my kids and therefore me and my kids would have to stay behind. And only hubby and his kids would be able to attend.. But that's just me based on my experiance with my in laws.

Have to agree with the answers here that say `all` of the kids should have been invited. Blood may be `thicker than water` but to exclude your children from the wedding is just downright rude if it was done intentionally. I agree with BIOMOM when she says about her kids having been hurt/excluded by actions of other people and families, I know exactly how that feels and it`s only natural to get angry/upset/annoyed when our own kids aren`t included in things.

If it was me in your position right now, I`d have to tell DH that you feel so hurt that your kids haven`t been invited, you`re meant to be a family and that as much as you might like to attend the wedding, you either all go together or none of you go. I personally feel that DH is wrong to insist you go without your kids, would he go without his?
Maybe, (only maybe) the SIL didn`t stop and think before sending the invites and didn`t just invite your DH kids and not yours in a malicious way.
Is it not possible to phone her and ask why your kids weren`t invited? Maybe you could all come to some compromise where all of you are invited and you and DH can pay half of the fares?
I`m not saying what she`s done is right but I have to say at least DH`s family have paid for 4 tickets which is something my ex partners family would never have done, we`d have had to either pay all of it ourselves or we wouldn`t have gone.
I hope you can find a solution to it all.

Lise xx

People need to be educated about stepfamily etiquette....The inlaws do not consider our biochildren part of their family....they seem to think that the kids may be part of our husbands family now (stepkid) but not theirs. How about calling her and letting her know that you'd like to bring your child as well (or have hubby call and ask if he could bring his "other two" kids and would that be okay?
People are insensitive...that's all I can say.

I just had to add from my above comment. In my Dh's family (which can get a little weird at times) I've been told "oh the poor girl it must be rough for her not having both parents together", so my Dh's family does extra things for her and not for OUR other three. Talk about mad grrrr I whole heartedly agree extended family should do for all or none, blood or not as the bio parent it hurts my heart to have a child left out of anything. If it was my choice (and its not) I would have to say "no thank-you, but Dh please go and wish your darling sister all the best".

Just a opinion
DJ

Through reading everyone's posts. And I agree, we need more info. Cheri said EXACTLY what I was thinking. DIDDO - Jo

You folks raise some good points. I don't have bio kids, so that's not anything I've ever dealt with. It probably would have been better had I started out saying that last night. In my family, where everyone's been married twice, except 2 brothers and myself, there's no whose is who's. It's too complicated. My poor father can't remeber my blood nepwhew's name. He's 14, and lives 15 minutes away. There's like 18 kids of various ages, and that's just nieces and nephews. In fact, it's so bad that I have two nieces named Nicole, and two nephews named Ryan. Anyway, after 20 years, they are as much family as the rest of us. So I guess I didn't realize that people discriminate like that, I just assumed it was probably a financial thing with the bride.

But I still stand by the opinion that if it is about the kids that Marie92 would be better off spending that time with her children, and not with someone who excludes them.

This all reminds me of how my ex MIL used to say "I have 7 step grandchildren and 2 *real* grandchildren."
That used to just go right up my spine. Why in heaven's name was it necessary to differentiate? Why not just 9 grandkids? Real grandchildren? What's this, the Velveteen Rabbit? Some kids are real some aren't?
Because she was mean, and to her if you weren't blood, you were something less than, that's why.
Argh.
Unloading her as a MIL was a bonus to my divorce, kinda like getting a two-fer.

Trep. That's is so wrong. But then again, God bless my Granny's sole.
When my cousin married a jewish girl and had his first child with her. I'll never forget holding the baby when my Granny told me to 'put that jew baby down'. I was mortified. How could MY Granny say such a thing. Then again this is also the same Granny that use to call my sisiter Joe's girl and me Camille's girl. ( She hated my Mother )
I don't know what to tell you. Some people are just out there.

And going back to the original topic. I think the question is, Was your children invited but just didn't get plane tickets?