"Well Mommy can do it"
Okay so on top of SS5 losing his manners, I'm flat out tired of him telling me Mommy can do this or that. I watch SS5 one night a wk while SS8 and DH are at Boy Scouts. So SS5 starts asking me questions. He asked why I have a the type of dog I do (BM bought a dog after the boys went home and always talked about my dog). So not thinking anything of it, I said b/c he's the best kind of dog to have, he protects us, he's lovable, he listens, etc. So then he asks me why I drive the car I do (I drive a nice sports car, BM drives a clunker). So I said b/c its my favorite kind of car, its fast, loud and nice. And I can afford to have a nice car b/c I work hard. So then he goes "why do daddy and you like this house so much?" (We live a single family home, BM, B/f and 4 kids live in a tiny 2BD place). I said b/c its our home, its big, there is a fence and yard for the dog, we have nice big bedrooms, space to do things. So he goes I think you should live in ________ (where BM lives - basically a trashy neightborhood). So I said DH and I dont want to live there in an apartment. We like where we live.
He proceeds to tell me that BM apt is bigger than our house. I said no its not. And I had to remember I was dealing with a 5 yr old but I also didnt want him to have false information. He told me that he likes it better at Mommy's b/c they have a hill for his bike. I had to disengage with him b/c everything I said, he had something to say about BM and her small ass apartment.
Then BM who is losing her job, goes and gets in Iphone (b/c DH & I have them and the boys are obsessed with them) and SS% goes can you DL games on your phone. I said yeah and he goes "well mommy can do it on her phone and on her computer." Um , good for her!! And he continued with this for an hour and I'd walk away and he'd follow me. I hope he grows out of this crap b/c I wanted to send him to his room just to not hear about BM, her small ass apartment, stupid dog and her damn iphone!!
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first of all...BREATHE!!! Now
first of all...BREATHE!!!
Now remember, he's 5- it's developmentally normal for him to go through this. He's putting his BM on a pedestal. EVERYTHING she does, says, has, is, etc., is WONDERFUL- don't you know that?!
And you won't be able to combat it with the "facts"- because at this point, he's pretty much obsessed with all things Mommy, whether they're they're good or bad. I mean, really, if you think maturely about it, could ANYONE want to live in a tiny house as opposed to a nice house with a large yard? No. But he's not thinking with a mature brain!
Give him some slack. And when he gets in those "Mommy modes," simply divert the subject as fast as you can. Don't challenge it, because you will only egg him on if he thinks you're "dissin" his beloved mommy! And if he won't drop it, don't punish him, but walk away yourself.
Remember- this too shall pass! And in terms of child developement- it WILL!
Thank you!! Yes I walked
Thank you!!
Yes I walked away. B/c the first 3 questions, I was like oh whatever. B/c he didnt say anything about BM. He is 5 and I know he asks a lot of questions. And yes I know Mommy Dearest cant do any wrong in his eyes.
I went the kitchen after I couldnt take much more and he followed me in there and continued so I said I need to do some laundry so go watch TV. He leaves and 2 mins later comes to the basement where I'm doing laundry and continues. I'd never truly punish him but I just wanted him away from me at that point.
My stepkids say things like
My stepkids say things like this from time to time (the most annoying one was when my SD5 informed me that her mommy doesn't need a housekeeper because she does the work herself...the reality is that I work full time and DH's ex has chosen to not work).
I find that it is best to avoid stooping to meet their challenge. I respond to these comments with something really upbeat and positive about how great it is that their mom can do "x," or I gently say something about how adults make different choices and when they are grown up they will be able to make their own decisions about how they want to live. I find that adopting this approach has really reduced these comments.
My SS8 does this all the
My SS8 does this all the time, and has since he was 3.
His mother lives in a cardboard box that has 2 bedrooms (4 kids and a hubby)... she is never available to him as she's always so BUSY... but she rocks...and her condo box is way bigger than our house, and she is lovely, and great, and flowery... YES..it makes me want to puke... but you know what, as the years progress I think...
I would want my kids to feel this way about me (b) maybe this is SS way of compensating for his mother...
With these things in mind, it makes it a lot easier to take.
my SSD's both do this too
my SSD's both do this too from time to time. It has a lot to do with age and maturity. I just "uh huh" and "that's nice" them in response. If it doesn't stop after a few I'll excuse myself to my room or even bathroom to take a few deep breaths and remind myself, they are just kids.. It won't be like that forever!
Marie - I know it sucks but
Marie -
I know it sucks but it part of package. I was once told my SS that I was cleaning our toilet correctly because I wasnt doing it the way his mother did...LOL!
Take a breath and ignore it...kids will be kids.
ha, that's funny. to this,
ha, that's funny. to this, i'd say, "WOW, great! Can you show me how she cleans the toilet? In fact, maybe that can be your job in our house from now on!"
CLASSIC!
CLASSIC!
Oh My!! My SS is over 17 and
Oh My!! My SS is over 17 and i still hear all about BM all the time.
My mom has that. Only it is better than yours.
My mom did this or my mom did that only it was better than this.
My mom saw a butterfly when she was 4 years old.
My mom, my mom, my mom. Makes me wanna puke sometimes.
Just wait - we won't let
Just wait - we won't let stepsons watch inappropriate movies and all they say is "Well I'll just go over to mom's and watch it" or if there is something on TV we don't think they should be watching "Well, mom lets us watch this all the time" or "Mom took us to do this" or blah, blah, blah. All I do is smile and say Oh that's nice. And I am thinking Does your mom think she is the better parent because she lets you do whatever you want??? I don't think so.
"Oh, THAT'S nice!" My
"Oh, THAT'S nice!"
My favorite reply.
I think I say it in my SLEEP at this point!
We get this too! The main
We get this too! The main complaint is that we are mean because we limit the TV watching like crazy.
The funny thing is that last time SD5 was in our home on the phone with her mother, SD5 was complaining to her mother, "Mom, all you do is watch TV. You just watch TV all day long!"
I was laughing silently in the background.
We get that already. B/c
We get that already. B/c like others have said, we have limits on Video Games, TV, computer, etc. And they say "well at mommy's we dont have a time frame". And I want to say b/c mommy is a crackhead and doesnt give a sh!t what you do! Of course, I dont and never will
You might not have have this
You might not have have this relationship with your ss, but if my SD was doing this I would say "Can Mommy jump off a bridge too?"
But my SD is a little older and gets my sense of humor. Sometimes I have to say those little snide things to let her know she is talking about Gasolina a little too much lol.
SS8 rarely mentions his mom.
SS8 rarely mentions his mom. Not b/c he cant but he gets this is Daddy's house and SM. And same goes for her house. But b/c BM babies SS5 so bad, he is attached to her ass. And she cant do any wrong. I never care when they talk about her b/c it is their mother and I always say positive things. But when he started comparing me and what I have to her, I felt like the kid was brainwashed!!
Yeah, it wouldn't take more
:O Yeah, it wouldn't take more than 15 seconds before DH and I are telling SD6 that we really don't care about what her mother does or has. If SD is going to talk about something she did at her mom's is whatever, but if she is not gonna come to my house and compare what we do or not do or what we have or not have, that is unacceptable.
SS5 sometimes does that just
SS5 sometimes does that just after he has seen his bm, I smile and say oh isnt that nice! or something along those lines. Instead of being irritating, it actually makes me wonder how it makes his bm feel when he goes on and on about me to her.. She rarely sees him, for a few hours at a time with months in between, and his preschool teachers, grandmother..etc.. all tell me that he talks about me ALOT. It also makes me wonder what HER reaction is to being told iwishyouwould does this and that with me or iwishyouwould has this and that... heh. I want to put a wire on him out of sheer curiosity but of course that is illegal and not exactly fool proof so..no, but still, I am curious.
My SD does this too. I want
My SD does this too.
I want to think it's just her being a child and idolizing her mom but it is sometimes pretty pointed at me.
For instance...I was going to bake cookies. My DD10 loves to help. This was the conversation, SD was 11 at the time.
Me: SD, we are going to make some cookies, do you want to help?
SD: No, I do that with 'My Mom' in her most condesending tone
Me: Thats nice but you can help if you want.
then she continues to hang in the kitchen and walk by every couple minutes keeping an eye on the cookie making dropping mumbled comments like
"My Mom doesn't use that much salt, WE think it's not good for you."
"My Mom makes the best cookies" "Dad always said hers were his favorite"
"My Mom wouldn't do it that way"
It's times like these that I bite my tougne almost thru. I think it was her first step in her plan to make me into the evil step mom. These days she just ignores that I am alive, this much interaction would seem pleasant.