50/50 but I still feel the same
Luckily BM agreed to do 50/50 for the time being. I'm still irritated so I can't imagine how much worse it would be if I had to do full time. I don't know if it's just SDs age (7) but she fights me on everything. If I ask her to do anything she doesn't want to do it's defiance that then snowballs into "well you aren't my mom" "you aren't the boss of me" I swear I hear the "Youre not my mom" about once a week now. It's BS. I know she's the child and I'm trying to be understanding and realize that she is going through a lot of change, but when I hear that it's like why do I try. I feel terrible for thinking it but I wish my DH would just switch to weekends. Does that make me an evil step mom? Maybe.
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No, it doesn't make you the
No, it doesn't make you the evil stepmom. You aren't her mom, and neither you nor she should have to be in the position of you acting "mom-like". This is your DH's child, let him be the parent. And if he can't be because of his job, or whatever, then Every Other Weekend would be best.
In response to "you're not my mom"
Well she's school age right? Does her teacher ask her to do things? Does she ever respond with "well you're not my mom" and expect to get away with it? Point out that you're not trying to be her mom just like her teacher isn't trying to be her mom. But you're an adult and if you're asking her to do something there's a reason for it. Just like if her teacher asks. Have a good reason ready whenever you engage just in case she asks for the reason but for the most part disengage and let her dad do it. Only engage as a last resort
Thank you
That's pretty much exactly how I responded this time
DH explained this to my OSD
DH explained this to my OSD when she started telling me that early on. It wasn't for just parenting things either, but for things like telling her to remove her muddy shoes before coming in the house.
DH effectively stopped it...at least with her 'out loud' voice.
Your husband needs to step up
Your husband needs to step up more. I have a 7 year old SD, DH has 50/50 custody and I'm the one who is with the kids all day while DH is at work (mercifully school starts next week).
Fortunately, the SDs here never pull the "you're not my mom" crap. Not because it's not true - I'm NOT their mom - but because that is not a valid excuse for not listening to and obeying me when I am the adult in charge. Any time the skids do not respect my authority, DH will come down on them, hard. He's not a great disciplinarian himself, but he is stellar at backing me up and making clear to skids that they must respect adult authority. If your SD wouldn't tell a teacher she wasn't listening to them because "you're not my mom/ the boss of me," she shouldn't be telling you that, and it's up to her father to make sure she understands that and behaves for you.
You are not the evil stepmom!
"nope.. I'm not your mom"..
"nope.. I'm not your mom".. but I am the person who your dad did put in charge.. so until he gets home, I AM the boss of you. You can do as I say, or face consequences."
I would also ensure that your DH is 100% backing you up on this. If he waffles or does any "poor baby she mean to you" crap and your assistance ends. Bonus points if you can put her on the phone with him when she refuses to mind.