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majones1716's picture

Submitted by majones1716 on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 1:14pm

What do you do with Skids friends coming over and wanting to spend more time with bio kid, then skid. My SD has a friend who would rather spend more time with my daughter than her. This causes lots of problems in my house. I have advised SD that she cannot dictate who the friend spends time with it is up to her but this is still a problem. My Husband keeps getting in the middle stating that its not fair but really we need to let them handle the problem even if the friend doesnt come over anymore am I right or is there a better solution?

Comments

Hmmm's picture

Submitted by Hmmm on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 1:20pm

This can be a problem in any family, not just between skids and bios. SD's feelings are hurt--and understandably so. You might want to suggest to SD that if it really bothers her, maybe she should see the friend at the friend's house rather than at your house.

2young4this's picture

Submitted by 2young4this on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 1:20pm

Hey there,
I think that there are these problems in every family not just blended ones. I know one of my firends as two girls ages 5 and 8 and when the 8 year old has a friend over they tend to leave the 5 year old out and she gets her feelings hurt and cries. Maybe you should say that everyone should hang out together so that way no one gets left out.

majones1716's picture

Submitted by majones1716 on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 1:23pm

well they are teenagers and they dont play well together. Well they do when no ones else s available. But both are ver terratorial when friends are present.

2young4this's picture

Submitted by 2young4this on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 1:30pm

Yeah that is a whole different ball game. LOL. Wish I had better advice for you. Smile

midwestmama's picture

Submitted by midwestmama on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 2:05pm

I have a sister that is 22mos younger than me and we were only one year apart in school. I now have 2 daughters who are 19mos apart and are 2 yrs apart in school. Believe me...I've lived my fair share of this issue!

First of all, this is worse with girls, period. Secondly, odd numbers just dont usually work. And third, it's VERY difficult to determine when or when not to intervene. The fact is, the younger they are, the more you get a vote in "who plays together" but even as teens, you still have a bit of control over who, when, where playdates happen.

If it were me, and BD and SD are close in age and are at your house at the same time, I would do my best to try and arrange another friend to come at the same time so they can "all hang out together" or pair off and it wont matter. OR, only encourage that friend to come around when only BD is home.

My daughters are 7 and 9, and my 7yo is such a social butterfly while my 9yo is very introverted, quiet, and loyal. So my 9yo takes it very personally when her friend comes over and then starts to play with her little sister! My youngest is oblivious and doesnt even realize she's stepping on anyone's toes! Even the friend has wondered why it was an issue...it's just a personality difference. My oldest is extremely sensitive! I WANT to step in CONstantly, because I cant stand to see her hurting, and I worry that if she "works thru" these feelings on her own, she could very well take the path her father took (my DH) and turn to drugs and/or alcohol!

I'd say feel out the situation and step in as much as you think is right for their personalities.