Survival

I think the hardest part of being in a relationship with someone who has a child is the feeling of being left out. The last few days I have done a lot of thinking and dealing with emotions I have not had to deal with in the past. The ups and downs, the round and rounds. But I have figured out that if you love the person you are with it is all worth it. The care and devotion you get from being in love is more powerful than anything you will go though. I know that my BF will be there for me even if I go insane, crazy or any variation there of. I just have to remember that there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel. This morning I woke up feeling independent, free and happy. I know that's who I am, my BF is caring, strong and supportive. He might not clearly think all of the time, but he is in fact still the man I fell in love with. His daughter is a sweetheart. I find myself lucky that he does allow me to care for her, he trusts me with her which is more trust than I thought I had. I have a future, not real sure when it will happen, but I know it will. I see it when I look into his eyes and he holds me for how ever long I get. I'm grateful for the life I have.

When things do get frustrating, which I'm sure they will, I am glad I found a place where people actually have a chance to understand what I am going through, today is a new day and for now, I'm sure I am strong enough to go though another day

lynneranne's blog
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Comments

It's so nice to hear good

It's so nice to hear good comments here. You are right that love and caring is more powerful, and that is why it's so important to make sure that both parties feel loved and cared about. That is what gives the individual and the relationship the strength needed to deal with the bad, and even the times you feel you are in hell. And yes this place is great wether you post to vent or read what others have to say there is so much to learn here, and so much you can sAY.

Lynneranne!! I am soo

Lynneranne!! I am soo happy to read this blog! You hit it on the head.

It's not always going to be easy, but you have found a man worth whatever issues may come up.... And that's all we can really ask for isn't it?

I understand the feeling of being left out. But when that happens to me, I think back to when I was a little girl and it helps me. My mom didn't get mad that my dad would have special time with us, or take us to work, or take us for ice cream alone. My mom didn't get mad when I would sit on the couch with my dad and snuggle with him. She didn't feel threatened. She felt happy that we were able to have that love. Thinking of it in those terms, really helped me get over the "left out" feelings that I had, and also made me respect and love my mom even more.

Your SD will grow up someday and go to college and have her own life. You and your BF are in this for the long haul.

I sincerely wish you the best in this journey. It sounds like you have a great attitude to take it on!!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

What an absolutely wonderful

What an absolutely wonderful and positive thing to post!!!! You've got it Lynneranne!!! And ST is the best to get us back on track when we fall off the glitter wagon!

Well, at least I'm not alone

Well, at least I'm not alone in this. I've found that I'm more of a disciplinarian and he's Mr. Softy. I don't tolerate laziness, nor will I allow a teenage child to tell me when THEY will clean their room and bathroom. He, on the other hand leaves it up to the son to decide when he'll do it. I think that teaches ...nothing...lol. There is no work ethic there at all. The more I feel that I try to impose healthy rules and parenting, I feel like I'm really not taken seriously. I start feeling like the father is reducing himself to the teenager's level. How can I get a grip in this situation?

Dee - one thing that may

Dee - one thing that may help you is to realize that the situation you are describing is a normal everyday marriage situation, not necessarily a "step" situation. The fact that you are more of a disciplinarian and he's Mr. Softy is more likely reflective of who each of you are as parents themselves, not in a step situation.

Having said that, in my opinion, you need to figure out which battles are the ones worth fighting for, and get your husband on your side for those. He may not agree with you on every little thing, but as long as you guys are united in the big ones - cleaning up after themselves, respect, etc. the better. I also personally find that if you give in a little, it is a lot easier to get them to back up what they may at first perceive as strict.

One thing that works also is to tell your DH about his kids in future terms. For example, when discussing SD and her chewing with her mouth open or having bad table manners, I would say to both her and DH, "Someday SD will want to go on a date! And it would be nice if her date didn't think she ate like a little pig - slurping and chomping and gulping!!" And then I'd laugh. It was a joke, but it also was reflective of unchecked behavior.

Another thing that works here - but I only pull it out for the big guns - and someone else uses it as well - is to compare the reallllly realllllly bad behavior back to BM when it is warranted. That always gets DH on my side to nip it in the bud!!

I had to go through this with DH over here. It works... It just takes time and communication!!! If you feel you love your man so much and he is a good man - he will get it!!