Time to stop buying her things or getting the house ready for her visit. Personally I would not pay for an ungrateful kid's dinner twice. In our case, if we take SS out to dinner, DH pays with his own money, and SS would likely say thank you. But he's DH's son and DH doesn't expect me to pay for things for his son.

Let your DH deal with his entitled kid with his time and money. 

I understand how you feel and would be the same way.  Some people were never raised with manners, that's the bottom line.  Sometimes, these folks are in an adult situation where they learn these things, often not.  Knowing this, I'd only do for her what you feel like doing, without expecting any response.  In other words, for a normal guest, you would do what you did for SD (fresh linens, flowers).  From now on, perhaps only do a walk thru to make sure the room is clean (as I'm sure the rest of your house is) and perhaps fresh linens.  No flowers, no special dishes.

Just to play devil's advocate, perhaps she was too distraught about the marital issues to act in a mannerly way.

Be direct.  "I will not host your daughter in our home again until you set her straight on basic manners.  Helping cook, clean up, saying please and thank you, etc.  I prepared her room with clean linens, flowers, etc.  I cooked and served nice meals.  Not one verbal thank you, not a thank you card, no thank you flowers, nothing.  Fix it. Now!  Or she will not be welcome."

End of discussion.

Their marriage, don't sit on their arses all day and go on the computer. 
 

i have argued and fought with hubby many times over skid crap and to the point where i wanted a divorce. Never did i leave the home that we were raising our then 2 toddlers. At most, not wanting to talk to my husband but once we got our space and cooled down, we aimed to tapk about things, the issues, our feelings and expectations within a day. 

staying angry at one another for several days doesn't solve shi*!! This is how adults should be. Going to daddy's home he shares with his wife because you're having marital issues of a non abusive kind is just a manipulative tactic to guilt the spouse into caving in

Hon, this is the way her parents raised her and it will never ever change. You can talk to your DH till you are blue in the face, he will say the needed things to keep you happy but it will never happen. Accept it and change your behaviour.

1. She is an adult woman, when she has marrital issues she needs to deal with it and not run away, hence no more hiding out at Daddy's house, simply say NO.

2. If there is no alternative, do not prepare her room, do not leave groceries for her, she is an adult woman, surely she knows how to make a bed and how to shop?
You simply do not do it, if your husband has issues with it, laugh and say, why then you can do it my dear, I'm not her maid.

These are the only things you can do, I always had the rule, I leave a clean tidy house when I leave, any child that remains behind, better make sure I step into a clean tidy house upon my return. Fungus never bothered to clean after her week end parties, I simply told SO... not stepping foot in that house till it is same condition as what we left it in, first he would jump and clean, eventually he told her NO if she wanted the house for a week end...

Your husband will not resolve this. The patterns have been long-established and he isnt feeling the pain of dealing with this. You wrote that YOU are the one dealing with the pain of this. YOU are the one cleaning and putting thought and care into this. I dont know what your household finances are, but now that you have experience in her lack of thoughtfullness and non-gratitude, you can resign your position of household welcoming committee for SD. 

And no is a complete sentence unless you need an unpaid house-sitter. No more cleaning and shoppng and preparing. its really too bad, but her entitlement runs too deep. Of course she might also be depressed, and self-centric depressed people will not really be grateful towards those that do for them.