Stepmothers complaining about SD hugging and clinging to Dad

I'm 19 and am neither a stepmother nor a mother. I just registered because I needed some advice and ended up reading some posts that I really needed to comment on.
A lot of women were complaining that the 11/12/whatever-year-old stepdaughters would sit on their father's laps or show too much physical affection.
Some complained that they felt their husbands were giving the daughters too much attention and there wasn't much left for them.

I was HORRIFIED.
I'm sorry stepmothers out there, but they HAVE to give them more attention! Sons and daughters need their parents more than grown up adults, and I'm not trying to be mean. I have a boyfriend so I can totally understand if you wanna spend some alone time, but you have to put the kids in the first place.

I was 5 when my parents divorced and had all the jealousy issues: I would sit between him and my stepmother, want my dad's attention all to myself and get pissed when they kissed and such. Now, I know my stepmother loves me and somehow I love her too. But all - I repeat, ALL - of my emotional issues were caused by her and my parents' divorce.

Well, I obviously don't care about their couple stuff anymore since I've grown up, but I think my dad dealt with this the wrong way, and I have daddy issues till today because of that. My relationship with my dad is my weakness and it almost always brings me to tears if I think about how distant we've become.

Instead of letting me get his attention when I needed it, as a child, my stepmother would push me away. Yes, she would sacrifice some of her time with him so we could go to playgrounds and such, but she would kick me off the spot by his side on the couch, take his hand from me when I was holding it or make it clear that he was HERS. Well, I'm sorry, ladies, but that's just wrong. Girls clinging too much to their dads or feeling jealous is just a phase, and it will pass. But the suffering you get from feeling there's someone more important to him than you will never go away.

What's more: he would do as she said - and still does. If I asked "Daddy, would you getme an ice-cream?" and she said "oh, no, baby, we don't have time", he'd always, ALWAYS do as she said. It's a silly example, but every single thing was controlled by her, to the point she interfered when it had nothing to do with her and was only me and my dad's business. It really hurts to think he puts her before me on every matter.

As for my relationship with her...She would always get me gifts for my birthday and would some times take me shopping. But she never, ever bough me clothes on those occasions. She never took me to school if I needed. She didn't hug me very often, and nowadays never does.

Three years ago, they had a daughter, which is supposed to be my new sister. Well, I don't love her at all. I can't say I hate her because it's just a little kid, but I definitely haven't bonded with her. I don't even consider her my sister, I only love my brother, who is three years younger than me, is my mother's son too and was raised with me. Also, my relationship with both my father and my stepmother worsened a hundred times. She made a very clear separation between me and her daughter. They travel together as a family and don't invite me or my brother, my father always dedicates all his time to my sister and my stepmother and doesn't go out with me and my brother alone anymore - just the three of us. I may be a little older, but it still hurts, and I can't even imagine how it is for my brother: a teenager, a 16-year-old boy who really needs his father's attention. He doesn't say a word about it, but his grades have gone down considerably, he's always locked up in his room and doesn't tell my dad anything about his personal life (which girl he has a crush on, which friend told this awesome joke, etc.), which he always tells my stepfather.

So, I understand my stepmother wanted to have a kid of her own, but now that they do, I don't feel like part of the family anymore, I feel like that's their family and mine is with my mom and my stepfather - who has been with my mom for five years, but who I'm now closer to than my father.

Nowadays, I still hug my father a lot, but I'm not the least bit emotionally close to him. He didn't even knew who my current boyfriend was before I got together with him (and still didn't meet him, though we've been dating for three months now), while my stepfather was the one who gave me advice on how to make him like me (and has already met him). Whenever I watch a movie about father/daughter relationships, I relate to it and cry. On top of that, when my dad's in a bad mood, he's rude to me, but kind to my sister just because she's a kid. It really hurts.

So, please, PLEASE read my post, because if you don't, you may end up screwing up kids' lives forever.

LuMich's blog
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How weird is it that the OP

How weird is it that the OP posted this, and somehow in the early hours of the morning you were the first one to post??
Hmmm......

That is not the point I was

That is not the point I was making.

I don't think you do, but

I don't think you do, but some others did. Not a big deal.

and we are on the

and we are on the internet..... I could be from Pluto..

True. You could be.

You read something on the

You read something on the Internet that offended you? You must be new here!

This is so true!!!! Not Only

This is so true!!!! Not Only that but then they require all their emotional needs to be met by daddy. Then they are constantly upset and let down unless they are put first not only first but second third and on and on. Dad's new wife,GF should have no place in his priority list because she doesn't matter

LuMich, I was a stepdaughter

LuMich,

I was a stepdaughter that experienced what you did.

My stepmother told my dad he was a pervert for hugging me goodnight. She told my dad my brother was gay because he hugged my dad good night. We were to be seen not heard. It has created huge issues in my life. I was taught not to show emotions.

I do not intererfere with my SD20 sitting next to her dad.

The things my skids did not get is that we didn't do anything because we couldn't. I was the bad guy so when they wanted DQ I had to say no because we didn't have the money.

I get what you are saying, and appreciate you going out on the limb. Sometimes as adults we need to look at the whole picture and find a better way. But in the end we come to vent.

Are you here trying to find a way back in to your data family?

It sounds as if you accept

It sounds as if you accept your step-father without any problems. This is something I don't understand. The men who enter Bm's lives are accepted by these children because they follow their mother's instincts. In my case the Bm choose to leave her husband after 25 years of marriage, yet she's jealous that we're married and has influenced her children to dislike me and my children. Why what purpose does it serve? All in all you are the one who is hurt here and until you look into the real reason for all your anger issues will only continue to get worse until you look into the real reason you have all these issues. The person to blame here sounds as if it could be your BM.

If your natural parents were together, it isn't acceptable for little girls to be hanging all over their fathers, so why when they have a SO other is it considered acceptable? Double standards?

The poster also mentions that her brother stays locked up in his room, his grades are failing etc, Where does this child live with BM & SF or SM and BF?

It appears to me rather than bashing Sm's you should do yourself a favor and read up on Parental Alienation as it appears you are a victim of just that.

that reminds of about 2 years

that reminds of about 2 years ago when sd and her ex broke up. sd got all pissed off and whiny/bitchy because fdh didn't call her to talk about it. he should have known and cared enough to do that. well she didn't bother to TELL him, so htf was he supposed to know? oh yeah, because of all the cryptic fb statuses she was making, and when anyone else would ask what was wrong, she would say "i don't want to talk about it". then wtf post about it????
fdh was never on fb and she knew this. even if he was, seeing her tell people that she doesn't want to talk about would indicate to him that he's not welcome to ask. (even though her dumb ass posts about things she 'doesn't want to talk about')

she went off on a tangent and publicly blasted him on fb for days about not caring about her, all because he isn't a mind reader, and because instead of calling him to talk like she apparently expected him to, she waited around hoping he would stalk her page like she stalked mine and call her. so she has these expectations of what is supposed to happen, but they make no sense. people only have as much information as you give them. how much sense would it make for me to get pissed off at everyone on stalk for not giving me sympathy for my dog dying if i didn't tell them? (no, the dog didn't die). it's just stupid. it's another game to make dad look bad and victimize themselves.

grow up. dad has his own life. he doesn't spend every waking minute obsessing about your life. the only one who does that is these sd's obsessing over sm's. mine sure does.

Oh wow!! Please please seek

Oh wow!! Please please seek professional counseling!! You have soooooo much hate & anger built up for the WRONG person!!! I've never ever ever heard of any kid- whether step or not-- wanting clothes for a Birthday gift!!!! That's a new one!! My step kids would be very upset & so would my daughter if I bought any of them clothes for their birthday!!!

The sitting beside, cuddling & holding your Daddy's hand and your stepmom & frankly your Dad- not allowing it sometimes is NORMAL. I would bet if I spoke with your Dad about this- he would tell me that they were being Parents & trying to teach you about this lovely & very needed thing called- BOUNDARIES!!!

I don't have a stepdaughter-- but my stepson- yes, my 11 yr old stepson does the most inappropriate of things. He sprawls all over his Dad like he's 3!! Both in private & in public!! My hubby finally put a stop to it when my extremely jealous stepson pushed my boundaries last week & started stroking his DAD in a romantic way-- like I do!!!! It makes me soooo mad to hear you try to justify your almighty right you think you have to COMPETE to try to be your Dads MINI WIFE!!!!

I wish you could really see your irrationality here little Miss. Your misguided about a lot of things!!!! You need to realize Hun, that you should NOT hold so much venom for your Dads WIFE! She took vows to him, and him to her!!!!!! Not YOU!! Sounds like she was good to you, spent money AND time with you. You need to realize its a HUSBAND & WIFE at the head of ANY family!! Yet you are pissed it wasn't YOUR DADDY & YOU at the head of YOUR family!! Your all mixed up.

Please, I urge you to seek professional help. I fear you made HER life hell. By that I mean your dads wife!!! Try being nice & polite to her. If you don't show Her respect--your actually showing disrespect to your DAD. Im sure once you grow up & have kids of your own-- you will feel disgusted by how you acted!!!

Time to GROW UP!!

I was a skid my parents

I was a skid my parents divorced when I was 7to both remarried about 2to years later. I never felt the nees to hang on my dadvsit on his lap or cling to him. My SM however still felt the nees to put us in our place as second class because we came from "the 1st wife" she never had her own kids (she got pregnant once it was tubal and devastated her and it broke my heart for her I thought a new sib would be nice and maybe make her happier) all my problems with my dad were because of him yes she supported him beating us he allowed her to hit us with paddles wooden spoons and tge metal end of a fly swatter. She is my SM he loves her (though I think he's nuts) I never felt I wasn't getting enough attention he tucked us in gave us hugs she never did maybe when I was littlebit mattered but by my teens it didn't.
And there is a difference between clingy creepy dd's and disney dads than normal loving attention kids learn appropriate interaction with people from thier parents girls from their dads and when a girl starts to develop that relationship xhanges and the creepy attention I blame for part of why there are so many sexualized little girls they think it's okay and appropriate to hang all over men. Just my 2 cents. I don't stop my SO from shkwing his little ones live and attention but I won't shove off so they can climb all over him (or me whixh they do as well) when it is an issue I gently redirect them to a different activity I don't make them or SO feel bad just subtle in changing what's going on. They are desperate for attention they are sooo ignored with their mom, we make up for it but in healthy ways.

All I have to say after

All I have to say after reading this is you need therapy. Pronto.

Good grief, another of those

Good grief, another of those kind of sd's. get over yourself. you are an adult. you don't get to be a child in daddy's family forever. why am i not surprised that no matter what your sm did for you, it was never enough? oh yeah, because i have a sd JUST LIKE YOU. she wants to be the adult in her own little family and life, but still be a child in our family. you can't have it both ways. grow up. the sun does not rise in your ass every day.

Too freaking bad your parents

Too freaking bad your parents divorced. So darn sorry. Not your stepmother's fault, but your dad and your MOM were the ones who divorced. Too bad that you blame ALL your issues on them...Too bad that you felt your had to come first in your fathers life, because honestly, girls without divorced parents NEVER come first in their dad's life...

What I find the MOST amusing

What I find the MOST amusing about your post it the complains that THEY travel together as a family and don't include you or your brother, blah, blah, blah...but have NO PROBLEM with YOU AND YOUR DAD excluding her and HER child from your dad's family to do things on your own. Do you see how twisted that is? Do you understand how selfish YOU are? It's ok for THEM to feel excluded but NOT ok for you? Heck, it's even ok for a LITTLE KID to feel excluded but not for a 19yr old woman? Give me a break.

my own sd could be the op.

my own sd could be the op. i'm sure she'll whine and cry to everyone next summer when we have family pics done and she and her bf and baby won't be invited. rather than go get her own, she will expect them to be in ours. makes a lot of sense. it's so sad that i even have to anticipate bullshit like her throwin a fit over our family pictures, but i do. i know what that bitch is going to do before she does. (the same thing will happen when we take bs4 to the zoo without her, etc).

Awwwww - someone has hurt

Awwwww - someone has hurt fee-fees.

Get over it. Read up on Displaced Anger issues. Your SM isn't the issue here.

I kinda want to pat her on the head and say "Bless her heart"

You must be from the South!

1. You don't belong on this

1. You don't belong on this site, as your first sentence confirms.
2. You are in need of therapy.
3. Your SM is not the problem....you are.
4. Get over yourself.
5. And get therapy.....before you screw up other people's lives as much as you are screwed in the head.
6. Don't come on this site, post inflammatory remarks and expect to get tweated like the wittle pwincess you fancy yourself to be.
7. If you learn nothing else in this life, I hope you learn this: you get what you give. If you are not giving in your relationships in life (with your father, your siblings, whomever), then you get exactly what you deserve....nothing.

Oh....and....get over yourself.

This was everything I wanted

This was everything I wanted to say, thank you for saying it for me.

Happy to help out!

Someone earlier made a good

Someone earlier made a good point-if these "girls" that have all of these daddy demands were in an intact family, would they still behave the same way?

I think not. I can't see a grown adult female competing with her own mother for Daddy's attention-most parents would not stand for it, and TBH it's kind of sick.

I think it's competition, pure and simple. I think it's a desire to have Daddy think you are the most special, perfect person in his life and to want you above anyone else. Most females don't have these issues when dad is still married to mom, it is only after the divorce that these daughters feel like they need to pee on their territory.

So, instead of looking inward and analyzing their own behavior, they play the blame game and blame the SM for taking her daddy away-instead of realizing it is slightly sick and twisted behavior on HER part for wanting a quasi-romantic relationship with her father.

Also....I just posted the

Also....I just posted the other day about the skeeze factor having to watch a 15-yo girl paw at her daaaaaddddddyyyy as if SHE is the wife. THIS is the crap this young girl thinks is okay????

Puh.leez.

So your SM waited until you

So your SM waited until you were almost completely grown and out of the nest before having a child of her own???? :jawdrop: Either:

A) She *was* thinking about you, and putting your insane (yes, INSANE) neediness abover her own desire for a child. Or:

There's a lot of this story you're leaving out. Like, were you a wild teen who would have been a bad influence on her children?

And at 19, you don't get to go on trips with Daddy anymore. I remember clearly the last trip I took with my family; I was 12. You wanna go on a trip? Save your own money and go on your own trip; you're an adult. At 16, I wanted to go to DC with my youth group at church. I got a job -gasp!- and . . . wait for it . . . saved my *own* money -double gasp!-

So, you would take no issue

So, you would take no issue with sitting next to your man while his teenage daughter rolls around in his lap or shoves you away so she can plank out on top of him?

What if you were sitting next to him holding his hand & she grabbed his hand to hold it & started whispering giggly secrets in his ear while she caresses his face?

You say your dad is rude to you but kind to your sister because she's a kid. THIS is exactly why SM's get pissed. Their husbands blow them off to cater to the kid. The difference between you & your dad & your stepmom & your dad is that she's married to him. You are not. It is intended for a husband & wife to be affectionate & cuddly forever. It is intended for children to learn boundaries, become their own people, become independent & responsible for themselves & fly the coop to make a life for themselves.

Your SM bought you gifts & took you shopping for your birthday, but never bought you clothes for your birthdays? What a wretch!!! :sick:

Understand that the affection he shows his wife doesn't take away love he feels for his children. There is no limit to love, & the love between a man & his wife is completely separate from the love between a father & his child.

Perhaps the divorce created issues for you. That's on your mom & dad. NOT your SM.

Your jealousy issues are on you. Fix them. If your life is screwed up, change it. If your life is spent hurt because your dad loves his wife, get over it.

Life is hard...for EVERYone. Get over yourself. Seek the help you need & quit blaming other people for your hardships.

Notice how the OP has not

Notice how the OP has not ONCE replied to anything on here. She's probably a, dare I say it...T WORD!!!!

go ahead....say it....

I seriously think the poster

I seriously think the poster has some issues that she needs with professional counseling.
SO has a daughter and I give them all the time in the world to spend with each other. She sits next to him on the couch but we don't share a couch anyways so its not a big deal. I have a love seat I sit on and my cat sits next to me so SO gets the couch. They spend time doing things together alone. I understand his time with the kids. Plus it gives me time to go do the things I want without him and the skids. I don't want to be around skids..so this is my opportunity to get my hair done, go shopping, work out, catch up on shows on the pvr etc.
However its not my freaking job to hug the skids, buy them clothes, take them shopping etc..Hell no!!! They have a mom, they have a dad..thats their job!! Why should I or their stepdad do all those things for them unless they really want to? Sorry but I don't love them and probably never will. Im 100% disengaged and probably always will. I never wanted kids so why would it be my job to make sure they have affection, love, clothing etc?? I grew up with two parents. I didn't have a third or fourth adult buying me things and all that other crap, how is that fair?

I give the skids all the time in the world to spend with the dad without my presence, thats all they will get from me.

I'm sorry stepmothers out

I'm sorry stepmothers out there, but they HAVE to give them more attention! Sons and daughters need their parents more than grown up adults, and I'm not trying to be mean.

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And why is that? You think that it's healthy for daddy to spend every waking second caterring to the kids? Do you think that it sets an appropriate idea of how a relationship works for kids? You're right. You're not trying to be mean you're being selfish and unrealistic as to the way things work.

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I have a boyfriend so I can totally understand if you wanna spend some alone time, but you have to put the kids in the first place.

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You have no clue. Does your boyfriend of all of three months have kids? I'm guessing no and no the kids do not have to be put first. The marriage should be put first. Not the husband or the wife but the commitment.

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You're still a jealous little girl who can't manage to figure out why you feel the way that you do inside so blame your problems on everyone else. Grow up and get over yourself.

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Just so you know, there are unhealthy limits to the amount of attention that a child receives. I'm not saying kids are meant to be seen and not heard but they can't be the center of the family. This is how DH and BM raised SD(7) and guess what? That kid has so many bahiorial issues now because she can't quite grasp the concept of not being the center of attention and doesn't understand why people don't like her anymore because she treated them like crap. In her eyes everybody should just be thankful that she graced them with her presence. Nevermind the fact that she made another child cry in the process. You really have no clue about what you're talking about.

And yes, your SM probably did ask you to move from beside him on the couch and maybe she did move your hand out of his. I'm guessing that you were probably doing the same things that my SD does. Being manipulative. Trying to play mini wife. Trying to show your SM that you were here first you daddy was your property. Guess what? I make it a point everynight that we have the kids to sit with just DH on the couch. No kids including my BD. You see I think that it's healthy to show the kids how adults act in a relationship. That it's important to have time were we can just be together.

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This one I just have to laugh at. So you didn't get ice cream. Who cares. I didn't get half the stuff I asked for when I was a child. Am, I complaining about it now? Nope. Here's a word of advise. Maybe you guys didn't have time to stop and get ice cream which means no ice cream. Did you ever think about that? I'm guessing not. I mean how could your daddy not stop everthing that was going on to go and get hhis precious an ice cream and make everybody late for where ever they were going. Really? I can't believe you still think that way at your age. Grow up. Get over yourself. And as for her interferring with business that was supposed to be just between you and your dad, I hate to break it to you but it's her business to. Is she helping support you? Yep. Is she paying bills? Yep. Is she helping pay the mortgage? Yep. What about those clean clothes that you wore. I bet she washed them for you.

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Three years ago, they had a daughter, which is supposed to be my new sister. Well, I don't love her at all.

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There is something seriously wrong with you. You need to go and talk to somebody about your issues. How can you not love your three year old sister? She's three and she's blood. She didn't do anything with you. Your just jealous of her just like your jealous of your SM.

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They travel together as a family and don't invite me or my brother, my father always dedicates all his time to my sister and my stepmother and doesn't go out with me and my brother alone anymore - just the three of us.

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Well if you are still thinking like a jealous little 5 year old I wouldn't want you on trips either. You would want everything to be about you and would probably make everybody miserable. And that's not forget that you're 19. Maybe you think like a samll child still but age wise you are not.

And you get upset with the fact that your dad goes on trips without inviting you but want you dad to do things with you and not invite SM and younger sibling. I'm failing to see anything logical about that statement. You want your dad to do the same thing that makes your fee-fees hurt to your SM? You really are jealous aren't you.

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In summery, who cars if daddy hasn't met you BF that you've had for all of three months. It's three months. Not a decade. You really need to grow up. The sun does not rise and set on your a$$. You have no clue what it's like to raise children. You are a 19 year old child who thinks that they know everything. Your relationship is what you make of it. Quit blamming others for the way that you feel. There are worse things in life than not getting ice cream. Quit being jealous of your SM and a three year old and plan your own trips and pay for them yourself. Get used to the fact that your dad is married and his wife comes first. Get used to the fact that your daddy is not going to ditch his wife and daughter all because entitled pricess thinks he should.

I think that about sums it up. I swear if my SD acts like you when she gets older I'm not going to want her around either.

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Stepmothers complaining about SD hugging and clinging to Dad

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