BM and court ordered visitation...uhhhhh!
Thank you to anyone who reads or provides feedback! I have been reading many of the blogs for quite some time and can totally relate to so many of them! I was curious to find out how any of you resolved a BM not allowing a child to come for scheduled visits. We went down this route exactly one year ago and are traveling down the same road again now. BM and DH have joint custody of SS6. On my DH scheduled day to pick up son from BM, she was not at home with SS. Actually, we were not caught by surprise b/c she had threatened this earlier in the week over the phone. We also did not hear from her on Father's Day which is a court ordered day for SS to visit DH. Now, this coming Friday is our scheduled time to again get the SS. My DH has had telephone contact with his son and the BM yelled in the background that again he would not be coming to our house for a scheduled visit. Everything is court ordered. Last year when she pulled this antic, we took it to court and the judge told her never to do what she did again. We have spent so much money on their divorce/custody arrangements/child support that we really just do not want to spend another dime on her foolishness. But, at the same time, we know that he has to see his son. So, in the meantime, we will just document everything. Any other ideas/suggestions??? Thank you so much!
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i say file a motion of contempt
u can do this all pro se and in it u would list all of the times when she has withheld visitation on your scheduled day.
also u can call the police next time DH shows up to get SS and they are not home...sometimes u have to get the police involved. they can help force BM to give SS over to DH if she is just refusing and if theyre not home at least it is documented by the cops.
if a mediator or GAL was at all involved in your case, u may want to make them aware of the situation as well...good luck!
just remember she cant get away w this...after so many instances of her withholding visitation and the judge telling her to stop, they just may take SS away from her. courts take into account which parent is most likely to encourage and allow frequent and meaningful contact w the other parent...
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I agree completely
She is in contempt.
I don't know if the police will help or not, they react to custody issues differently. I know someone from ST mentioned a while back that they had the police show up and help them pick up, but my experience here is that most of the time they don't want to get involved in a custody dispute (in our case SD called us when she had extra time with BM, and claimed BM had hurt her so she ran to a neighbors for help. The 911 operator was rude to me when I asked them to show up for assistance. He actually said,
"I can't tell a woman how to discipline her child"
"If you get there and need an ambulance then call us back."
AND "I don't care WHO is supposed to have her this weekend."
It's a long sordid story. But at the very least I would call an attorney tomorrow and set up an appointment. Unfortunately, many parents who pull this crap don't believe you'll do anything about it because of the money it takes to go to court. And sometimes it's too much financially and they win by default.
I hope you're successful!
Z
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
You can get advice from your old attorney...
at just the hourly rate. (No retainer)
Usually they will tell you the process of filing contempt charges. A lot of times just the filing will scare some BMs straight. Sometimes it will open up a whole new can of worms because she is going to be ordered to justify withholding visitation and if your SS's BM is anything like my skids' BM - that could be tricky.
I've always hired an attorney. It's been worth it every time. It also sends the message that we're not going to take her antics lightly.
Also, where I live, the police department actually has a "keep the peace" domestic division that deals solely with these types of situations. You might just call the PD and see if there is this type of option.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is
none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Thanks
Thanks so much for offering your advice!! We have a great attorney! Our concern is exactly what you stated...opening up a whole new can of worms!! Long and drawn out court hearings, but hey...were used to it by now1 Thanks again!
I would file contempt and
I would file contempt and ask for attn fees for the inconvenience of having to go through again. They can put her in jail for this if she keeps it up. and i agree w/bella, get the cops involved.
LoveMYBoys.
When you show up to BM's house and they are not there...call the police and say that you were scheduled to pick SS up and that you are extremely worried that something might have happend to them or they would surley be there waiting for you to pick SS up for your court ordered scheduled vistation. OK, it's a lie but maybe it will be a wake up call about how serious you are and it's good documentation for later.
The police might get tired of it but I would do it EVERYTIME!
Love the advice!!! Thought
Love the advice!!! Thought about it, and it's a gameplan! Thanks!
In WA you can call the
In WA you can call the police departments non-emergency and request a civil stand-by. Just means an officer will be there to observe, and if she happens to not be there with your SS you can request that a report be filed. It can't hurt to ask if your local P.D. can provide that service.
In MI you can use the Friend
In MI you can use the Friend of the Court to report missed or withheld visitation for free. You can decide whether you want to only report it or if you want the custody order "enforced". The other party then has the opportunity to "explain" why they withheld custody/visitation time and has to answer to a judge. You can have an atty, but the reporting process doesn't require it.
We have used this when BM violated the parenting time agreement.