I have known several teenage bedwetters. It happens and is not necessarily a sign of rudeness or idleness. Especially if his mother is spanking him (which is frankly appalling) and this is having no effect, it is very posible that he has a medical issue. Most children, after a certain age, will be embarrassed and upset (even if they do not show it very much) at wetting the bed, and they DO need help from the adults around them to solve the issue.

I see no reason why his father cannot take him to get checked out medically. Surely Dad does not need the mother's consent to make a doctor's appointment for his child? I suggest you and his father start with a joint Google search on nocturnal enuresis: this should give you a lot of information and a starting point.

I also suggest (if you don't have them) some rubber-backed sheets - it will at least protect the mattress.

As for the annoying part... It is kid's job to push it and adult's job to let him know in no uncertain terms how far he can go and which behaviour is expected of him

" Turns out that he's afraid to tell us when he wets the bed because his mother "beats him with a belt" when it happens. No wonder the poor kid tries to hide it. Don't know if it's true, given SS history of story telling, but Dh is filing this with CPS." [March]

" I asked him once what his mom does when it happens and he said she spanks him. We of course don't do that, just make him clean it up and wash his sheets, because I dunno how else to address. BUT OMG.... and DH just won't handle it, he doesn't know what to do about it either. I suggested therapy... but we don't have him long enough for that. Nor can we afford it. [presently June ]

I realize your hands are tied as this isn't your child but you need to push DH into making appointment and taking his son to a pediatrician. Rule out actual medical reason and also there are meds that help sometimes. Regular health insurance should cover pediatrician and with referral, a urologist.

At that age the kid doesn't want a wet bed or overnight diapers than you want him to. If his BM has been beating on the kid, yeah he may need therapy too, but one step at a time. Pediatrician first. And if BM won't, push Dad. It might help make SS's visitation more tolerable. At least that part of it.

What to do? Walk away & let the BP deal with their kid. Not your kid, not your problem. Don't feel guilty or bad about being annoyed, do you feel bad when your kids friends start to get on your nerves because they are over too long or misbehave? It's the same type of thing. A kid that isn't yours will have mannerisms that annoy you, that's perfectly normal. Your children are raised by you, raised to have the really annoying things cut out, that's not true with a skid. It's just the way it is.

Why are you telling him to take his sheets and pads off? Why isn't DH parenting his child? I would leave it all where it is. The child is old enough to address his pissing issues and wash his own sheets. If for any reason he isn't your DH sure enough is and should address the issue. I am positive the reason DH isn't doing anything is because he doesn't have to, he has you doing it. If he had to at least clean the pissed on sheets for a good two weeks solid I am positive he will get on board with curing the issue.

I wouldn't correct him anymore either, let him run around like a shi* head maniac in front of EVERYONE. Let the in laws get a good taste of their grand child.

I also do not like my SS12. A lot of the issues that bothered me when he was younger are becoming even more disturbing as he is coming to his teenage years. SS used to wet his bed. He has stopped but still has very unusual behavior when it come to needing to use the bathroom (such as urinating on neighbor's trees and urinating in the shower -not when he's taking a shower, he just opens the shower door and pees). I sometimes also feel shame and guilt for not liking my SS. Others seem to like him and are able to deal with him, but they also don't have to live with him, nor discipline him.

Some ways that I've learned to deal with it is through disengagement. I let DH handle all of his issues. I also will just leave the room if he's around to keep my sanity. If the stress is beyond the amount I can handle, I've found that tapping therapy has worked to calm me down. There are lots of videos on youtube demonstrating how it works. I'll sometimes just go to my bedroom or a bathroom and do some tapping therapy to get centered again.

Other things that have helped was my recent insistence to DH that SS be moved down to the basement. He was doing gross things to the guest bathroom, which had to be shared with other adults. Luckily, SS wanted his bedroom down in the basement. DH was afraid that SS would look at it as he was not wanted upstairs (which was of course true), so that fact that he brought it up first was a relief to DH. I've made the main floor into a relaxing area without a tv and also implemented a no video game rule in the main floor, so all the entertainment is in the basement. That leaves me with the option of being two flights away from SS if I need to be. I can't count on SS being less annoying or me being less annoyed by his behavior, so my answer has been to make sure there is ample space between him and I.