What am I doing wrong?
Hello I am new to this forum and I have so much to ask. Well to get started I have had so much drama going on with my SS BM. Me and my husband have been married for 2 years. I have had nothing but H**l since from his ex. We have my SS every weekend and every wed from 5-8. Then we have him for 6 weeks during the summer. Before we were married when teh six week period came around my Husband would let my ss bm keep him while he worked. Well since we have been married when that time comes around they throw a huge fit because he is with me at my daycare. Even when we agreed to take like 2 weeks at a time. On top of all of this me and my ss had finally started to get that bond I had been wanting around April. I had been putting him and my son in soccer and had them signed up to play tball in may. Well around the first of may, my ss bm started talking me down to my ss. He cries everytime he is around me. Ex. He was getting ready for a bath and started shaking saying " You cant give me a bath my mom and nanny said bad words about you and your not suppost to touch me." How wrong is this? My ss bm never came to a soccer game and when tball started she went and had a new uniform ordered after I had pd all the fees for him to play. (Because she would never go register him when I asked). Since then she has tried to act like super mom. She was very upset the end of april when we met at a photographer for me to get pics of the kids together and my ss threw a fit to go with me. SInce then she has made it a point that he gets scared to come with us on weekends. Now that we have been doing our six weeks she will tell him that we are taking him for 6 weeks and we won't let him see her at all. My ss bm has been put on med for anger and stuff but it doesn't help. She gets in troule for drugs and drinking but her family is rich and pays all her stuff off. She doesn't have to work or pay bills and is a B**ch. She has always been the type to get her way and making my ss upset and scared of us is her way to feel that my ss likes her better. I would never talk him mom down to him. What can I do? My husband has talked to her but she denies saying anything. And just says that my ss tells her I am mean to him. He is 5 and I get so upset when he cries to go with me. We used to have so much fun together. I just wish she would go back to her party life and let our family be happy, but I feel my ss grandmother (her mom) makes her be involved in his life.
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NOTHING!!
I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I'm going through the very same thing with my step kids and I don't have many answers.... I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and you are not doing anything wrong at all. Kids are not stupid, your ss will figure it all out on his own. I commend you in not sinking down to bm's level by trash talking her (I know it can be very hard not to respond sometimes).
Is your husband supportive? What does he say about all of this?
You aren't doing anything wrong
children don't hate without encouragement. She is biter bc you are involved, and her son probably talks up a storm about all the nice things you do for him, and she is probably upset that her son talks so highly of another woman. So to stop her son from talking, she probably fills his head full of shit to get him to stop liking you for her own juvenille desires. It's sad b/c essentially she is robbing her own son of positive people and events from his childhood.
Keep doing the normal things you are doing. Be there for him, keep staying involved, and just know the only reason ss may talk trash about you is b/c he knows there are people who want to hear it. It's very difficult to endure this, but you can't prevent bm from being a horrible parent.
Sometimes bm's do get defensive when sm's are in the forefront of being involved with their kids' childhood. I know from my own experience that I have made bm feel like I stepped on her toes b/c I was too assertive, or too involved. (It happens...and she doesn't do a lot for her kids...and you just love these kids and want to give them the world). So take a step back and see if you are over involved. If you don't feel that you are stepping on anyone's toes, then don't worry about anything, just do the best you can, and keep venting here when ss has his outbursts.
I use to read to my ss to get him to go to bed...and bm use to yell at my dh on the phone.."Who does Candice think she is reading to ss?!" Bm never picked up a book to read to her own son, yet she was upset with me for doing so. Sometimes you just can't win....