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Resenting my stepchild

losthope07's picture

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years and we plan on getting married. There's just one problem. I don't like his 7 year old anymore. I have tried and tried and tried to get along with him and learn to like being around him but it just won't happen. He has a very large family with his mom with two step siblings and two half siblings so when he comes to our house and acts out tremendously. He whines and cries like a baby, laughs in your face if u try to punish him or spank it and its actually kind of disturbing. The worst part is acting like a baby. We can't take him anywhere whether its shopping, out to eat or vacation without it turning into a disaster. We went one a week vacation to the beach and he complained, whined as cried the whole time. He thinks its ok to act like a 2 year old and no matter what we do it doesn't help. He's on medicine for his ADD and sometimes it's worse when his mother doesn't get his prescription refilled in time and he doesn't have it. I am to the point that when its our weekends or days to have him I leave the house. I find stuff to do, go to the mothers or pick up extra shifts at work to avoid being around him. He has destroyed public property and barely batted a lash when he got in trouble.He has made molestion statements and changed his story when he was asked about it and who did it which caused a huge mess with CPS and was looked into with EXTREME detail and no evidence was ever found. It's just a huge mess and it makes me resent him. We have tried to talk to him multiple times and he has even seen a counsler who diagnosed him with severe depression but I feel like nothing is working. I fell in love with his dad and it has caused nothing but problems and fighting between us. This doesn't mean that I don't care for the kid, I would never let anything happen to him. I just dont like and resent him now and don't have an interest in trying anymore after almost 4 years. I want to be honest with boyfriend and tell him I'm fed up but I don't know how and don't want to risk losing him but I'm at my wits end. Anyone have any advice?!?

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

My advice would be to RUN LIKE THE WIND! Things will NOT get better after you marry biodad with this severely disturbed child. Think Damien!

StepKat's picture

OMG what is with the demon children I keep reading about on the site!? Did I simply luck out on not getting the children of the corn for skids?!

Willow2010's picture

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years and we plan on getting married. There's just one problem. I don't like his 7 year old anymore.
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I am going to say this for you and every other woman that is about to get married to a man and does not like his kid. DON'T DO IT!! It is as simple as that. I have never understood women that marry a man KNOWING that they do not like his kids or the way he raises them.

This situation will not get better for a long time. Live apart until kid is much older.

thinkthrice's picture

Yep. I let mine move in without the slightest notion of how he parented. He told me he was a "strict" parent. He left out the last part of that sentence. . . "to other people's children, not my own."

Willow2010's picture

He told me he was a "strict" parent. He left out the last part of that sentence. . . "to other people's children, not my own."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
LMBO...My DH too!!!

tjm's picture

Don't marry him, it will not get better and as time goes on you will start to resent your boyfriend and hate him as well. I can totally relate to resenting the stepson, because I am in the same boat. Their is no medical condition for my stepson, its just simply bad behavior because he and the bm didn't enforce rules, boundaries etc...

onebanana's picture

You have to tell him. You can't create a future with him without discussing something so important.

AngelOfMisery's picture

Years ago when one of the SD's was 7 she was the little hell child on A.D.D. She was also BM little puppet. She had always sent the kid to us and taking her off the a.d.d meds before she sent her to us for the summer. A big baby she was. She get between us in bed and actually said that her daddy and I don't need to be getting that close to each other, refuse to eat any food I cooked. If daddy did not cook it she is not eatting, she seem to enjoy getting spankings, we went to an amusement park and she thought the fun only surrounded her. If we tried to go ride a ride and let another adult watch her and her sister she would scream and wine like a baby. Thank god her sister was nothing like her but geez what a self centered little brat she was. She never could shut up about her mother. She is in her teenage years not half as bad she develop a dark personality. Her mother is ruining them though. The woman does not teach them any servival skills. Niether one of them knows how to cook. The mother never cooks. All meals are bought out at resturants . We tried to get them to help cook thanksgiving dinner and for teenagers that act like they were lost in the kitchen. The dad dismiss them. It does us no good to teach them. We did that one summer which they did well but by the time they get back to their mother it all erase.

AngelOfMisery's picture

Years ago when one of the SD's was 7 she was the little hell child on A.D.D. She was also BM little puppet. She had always sent the kid to us and taking her off the a.d.d meds before she sent her to us for the summer. A big baby she was. She get between us in bed and actually said that her daddy and I don't need to be getting that close to each other, refuse to eat any food I cooked. If daddy did not cook it she is not eatting, she seem to enjoy getting spankings, we went to an amusement park and she thought the fun only surrounded her. If we tried to go ride a ride and let another adult watch her and her sister she would scream and wine like a baby. Thank god her sister was nothing like her but geez what a self centered little brat she was. She never could shut up about her mother. She is in her teenage years not half as bad she develop a dark personality. Her mother is ruining them though. The woman does not teach them any servival skills. Niether one of them knows how to cook. The mother never cooks. All meals are bought out at resturants . We tried to get them to help cook thanksgiving dinner and for teenagers that act like they were lost in the kitchen. The dad dismiss them. It does us no good to teach them. We did that one summer which they did well but by the time they get back to their mother it all erase.

losthope07's picture

i just feel like its a package deal and i try to think of it in the prespective that if i had a child and was with someone who didnt like he/she or want to be around my child i would be very upset. Im not mean to his son what so ever. i put him in time outs and take his tv away bc hes not my child to punish. But even when his dad does punish him i feel like the kid just rolls it off his shoulders bc he takes neither one of us seriously. He has no discipline at his mothers house bc her new husband has two kids from a previous then theres my bfs son she had with him and then she and her new husband have to kids. So hes stuck in the middle and basically gets to do whatever he wants. This is where he gets acting like a baby from. He has two younger siblings and he sees them whine and cry to get what they want so thats what he does. We cant control what happens at his moms and it makes it hard when he comes to our house with conpletely different rules. Hes the only kid when he comes to our house so i feel like he turns into a spoiled brat bc its only him now. I just dont know what to do. I love kids and i love my bf and i care for his son but i just dont know how to handle this. I dont know what else to do.