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Stepson won't talk to a counsler

klc076's picture

Submitted by klc076 on Sat, 03/06/2010 - 12:18pm

I'm at the end of my rope. My stepson is a great kid but his mother has messed him up so bad. We have been trying to get him help for 6 months now and he will NOT speak. All he cares about is going to his moms and she is not even there. She is usually out drinking. He is fine until something has to do with going to his moms. I told my husband we should not let him go overthere until he can start talking to a counsler about how to deal with his feelings about his mom. I don't want to mess him up and want to raise him to be a productive citizen but...............I just feel like everthing I do is not working.

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Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Sat, 03/06/2010 - 2:02pm

Kic076.... what might help your SS to open up is for you to start setting the example how to do so...

For example, maybe you or DH go into the counselor's office and just let him sit in on the session, and only participate if he wants to.

Over here, when we first took SD to counseling, there was at least 1 time where DH, myself and SD would all go in. The counselor would look at us, and no one wanted to "start"... so I would start. I would just say something along the lines of what was going on in our home at the time and what I thought about it.

For you, maybe you don't even start with a BM situation. Maybe you start with a generic non-threatening, somewhat easily resolved home situation. Have the give and take between the counselor and you / DH and let your SS see how it works. Also, it will be important for him to feel like he can say anything.

When SD is struggling with a problem, I will sometimes relate it back to my youth and how bad I felt or how I dealt with it, and then she will share her story.

He could just be confused as to exactly what to say, as well as feeling guilt about talking "bad" about his mom, or letting those feelings out. So you guys will need to show him how to do it, and also that it is okay to have those feelings.

Best of luck to you!

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