So here is the scoop:

My DH is trying so hard to be involved in his two kids life (previous marriage; SD7 and SS5). He doesn't exactly have a easy life as I and our son hardly see him as well. I go out of my way to configure him a reasonable visitation schedule that is fair for both him and his ex.

Here is where the problems start: First of all BM is always trying to sabotage the schedule even AFTER the fact that she agreed to it. Then she is always trying to dump the kids with us when SHE wants to and usually doesn't give us the 'at least a week' notice she also agreed to. She doesn't comprehend the fact that his work schedule is in sync with the schedule she had originally agreed to and also approved by his work as well (gov't jobs *SMH*). It seems that as much as she complains to him that he isn't involved, yet as much as he does try she does everything to take away his opportunity. All she cares about is the money. This is her biggest concern. Over all the things we have mentioned about the kids she should be focusing on, her concern is the fact she didn't get her money for ONE MONTH. Wow....one month. Her next concern is her having fun rather than the kids. She doesn't help them with homework and doesn't discipline them whatsoever.

The next problem is the kids behavior. Every time we have had them over here has just been a headache. I'm not only vouching for myself on this one, but it's sad when even DH is beyond stressed out because of them as well. He is stressed out enough with work and the kids behavior did not help at all. The most recent time they were here the entire two weeks was a constant battle of repeating ourselves. They were easily reciting rules to us yet they didn't obey a single one. The biggest problem was SD. SS wasn't so bad; he had a couple slip ups but that is expected. SD on the other hand was plain and simple rude and disrespectful. Not only to me but her own dad. She constantly lied, rolled her eyes, laughed at the rules...the list goes on. She is only 7 I mind you. She is also doing horrible in school which we tried to help her out on yet she flat out told us that she wasn't going to read and would just sit there. I blame a big part of that on BM. BM is convinced she can read yet we figured out she memorizes the books we give her. BM also tends to spoil the kids so when they come over here, they don't get that treatment. Chores are chores, do what your told, be respectful, school comes first. Follow the rules, get it over with, leaves more time for fun. Complete opposite from their home with BM. It's also bad enough that both DH and I are being accused of things that never happened which personally scares me of what lies any of them can come up with.

Overall, SD is really turning out to be like her mother. Their home has a pattern. SD's grandmother used her mom to take care of BM. BM uses her mom to take care of her daughter. They are all manipulative and SD is turning out the same way. It's sad to see this at such a young age. DH flat out told SD that if she ends up like her mom he refuses to deal with her. He is already on the verge of just leaving both SD and SS alone hoping that BM will leave him alone as well. Pretty much pay the child support and get on with his life with his new family. Either way, I will support his decision but he is on the rocks of what decision he should make. He is constantly reminded that he has to put up 18 years plus of BM plus whatever his kids put him through as well. He figures that no matter how hard he tries, the kids will still be spending all their time with BM meaning all the work we put in goes down the drain which leaves us starting over the next time we see them. No matter how hard he tries BM won't let him keep his privileges of making decisions (joint legal custody). No matter how hard he tries, BM will keep using the idea of visitation with DH as punishment to the kids and do anything in her power to keep DH miserable because he finally found happiness with our new family. BM goes out of her way to sabotage his career which we flat out told her in return that as long as she keeps trying to get him in trouble or get him fired, he won't get paid meaning she won't get paid either. Hopefully that was enough to set her straight.

Any suggestions for DH as far as just paying the money and leaving the kids alone or keep putting up with everything?