I'm new to the site and will be a stepmom to 2 amazing little girls in just a few short months! I came into their lives when they were 1 and 3 and so far things have gone fairly well. BM and (future) DH have a very open relationship when it comes to the girls, talking frequently about events and appointments, and from the start they've agreed that every other weekend wasn't a great parenting arrangement, but the 2 hour distance makes it hard to do much more. I've also been included in conversations as of late as well, but I keep quiet for the most part, as I don't feel its my place yet (or maybe ever) to really have any say.
We've got every other weekend and the standard 2 weeks in the summer, but BM has been great about giving us longer weekends and we even had a couple extra weeks last year.
That being said, not everything is sunshine and roses, mostly because I don't agree with the finance arrangements and because DH refuses to make demands with her, or research and pursue things on his own. he's afraid of confrontation, but i suppose 10 years of being told when he could pee and getting screamed at for mostly everything (control freak she was) would make a man a little skiddish.
So i'm curious.... what kinds of custody arrangements do people have? what about financial arrangements?
I know theres not much we can do about child support, thats state determined and regulated. But DH is also respsonsible for 60% of daycare costs on top of the Child Support which means BM gets about $1800/ month.... is that normal, to pay child support AND the day care expenses? (mind you, sd4 goes to preschool part time, and both have an in home nanny, which is ridiculous and i think DH should be able to say NO)....
don't get me wrong, i have no probablem supporting his children (nor do i think that she isn't entitled to a little me time or trips), but i start to wonder how much we're supporting the kids when she makes multiple, week long trips to not cheap places (we make good money and can't really afford the trips shes taking with 2 incomes) in the US and has booked a trip for herself and SD4 in the fall....

thoughts? advise? comparisons?