Welcome!!! I know in my state, it's very difficult for the mother to lose full custody. I've seen a lot of unfit mothers keep their children over good Fathers. It's very unfortunate. The only father I'm familiar with that has full custody won because his wife was diagnosed with munchhausens by proxy. She was hurting the kids for attention. In my opinion, although very unfair, I don't think they look at who is the "more fit parent". They give the mother many chances to retain custody. It's sad. I wish I had better news for you. This could be directly related to where I live. I think our county has one of the fewest full custody fathers in the state if not top in the US

They settled their custody agreement and divorce order amicably out of court and just filed the documents when they divorced. DH was willing to give her as much time as she chose. This is what she chose.

Dh got sole legal and sole physical custody of SS when he was 2. CPS was on BMS case from before SS was born than they finally pulled the kids due to neglect when SS was 2. The kids (SS and his two half brothers) were in limbo for 18 months while bm was given chance after chance to clean up her act...she didn't complete one item on her case plan. When SS was 3.5 the judge had enough of bm and she lost custody permanently. Dh got full custody of SS and the other kids dad took them.

Dh got full custody of SD because bm walked away. She left dh when SD was three month old. They did joint custody for a few weeks until eh found out that bm was dating and living with a pediphile. So they decided to send SD to live with mil in a different state until they could work everything out and let bm straighten her life out. When SD turned 4, mil sent SD to us SS she had had enough. We tried to get bm involved and offered her eowe visitation. She chose to avoid us for 9 months and then left the state. Haven't seen her in 5 years.

DH got full custody when SD was about 6 or 7. I was not with him at the time so I think I have the story straight.

They divorced when SD was about 2 because BM was cheating and stopped coming home at night. He always had SD because she did not want to be a mother. She was at a bar every single night of the week but she was charging everything to their joint credit cards so he had proof of it all.

So they shared custody but he always had SD, SD never wanted to be with her mother. BM was always having parties and the cops were always there. I guess she sold the house that DH bought, moved into a gross apartment and it was smelly and dirty and unfit to be lived in. BM was on drugs and drank every single day. BM got pregnant from her bf, then kept showing up at DH's door while pregnant begging him to buy her beer. He had to keep calling her parents to come and get her.

Then BM disappeared and left SD with DH. No one heard from her for almost a year I think. DH had to have her served at her last known address and had to do it three times. The third time she showed up at court and was pregnant again and had the baby in her arms. Obviously not Dh's kids!! I'm pretty sure the only reason she showed up was because her own mother made her go.

DH's lawyer showed BM all the police reports from the last couple of years and said to her that she should sign over custody of SD or he will prove her to be an unfit mother for SD, which would make her an unfit mother to the baby in her arms and the baby in her belly!! So she signed over custody right then and there! SD lived with DH anyway so the only difference was she got no visitation at all and he didn't have to pay her child support.

BM has really had nothing to do with her all these years. I married DH when SD was 10 and BM has really had very little interaction. Now that SD is 16, BM thinks they are best friends. BM wants to be 16 again so she keeps inviting SD and SD's friends to her house for parties. Its so weird!! But she was never her mother. She has never done school work with her, given her a ride to a friends house, taken her to the doctor, dentist, for hair cuts. Nothing. I have done it all, all of these years! But if you ask SD, BM is mother of the year. And BM is still at the bar 7 nights a week, brings home strange men, does tons of drugs and the two babies are now a little older and they have to deal with all of this!! I feel bad for them. I don't think she knows who the fathers are of those kids. She claims its her ex bf but I don't think so!!

I am not a full time SM, but my SM was w/ my bro and I. although i was very young, i remember when mom and dad split. they'd gotten married after a fairly brief courtship the month after mom graduated high school, then immediately had my brother and i. when they split, mom tried with us. she moved in w/ a girlfriend who also had two kids close to our ages. i remember my brother catching the bus for kindergarten from there.

i dont know how long we stayed there, but mom's friend had very different ideas on how we were to be treated while mom was off to work. (and yes, i remember some of it- it was not pretty...) it got out of hand, so we went back to dad's. mom cried, and even tho' she was very young, she knew she could not take care of us on her own, hell she couldnt even afford her own place and could barely afford to eat, let alone feed and clothe two small children.

she's said that was the hardest decision of her life, but she knew it was the right one. and there was no fight, no long, dragged-out custody battle. dad was what u could describe as a "stable, work-horse" type who did not like change. we lived in the same place and he had the same job from before my brother was born until i was 21. we never switched schools. he got remarried and they moved in from another state, so it was still hardly any change for us. poor mom moved every couple of months, even after she remarried and had my other siblings.

mom and dad barely talked, except for arranging visitations. she tried to look strong (and did a great job of it!) but i could see the sadness in her eyes whenever she dropped us back off. but at my brother's wedding, she went up to dad and SM and told them how proud she was for how they raised us, and how much she appreciates all they did for us.

so, having lived that experience, i'd hafta say i really feel that full-time can work as long as there's no fighting. either the BM is a piece of shit, or the parents make the decision based on what they truly feel is the best arrangement for the kids. OP, hopefully in your case the BM can be mature enough to make a correct decision for the best interest and well-being of your skids. and welcome to STalk!

My FDH has had full custody of the SKids since they were 4 & 5 (they are now 9 & 10). There was no court battle, there were no attempts by BM to keep the kids, she willingly & happily told FDH that she "didn't want to be a mom anymore" so when FDH filed for divorce asking for full custody, she did not argue.

My brother won custody of his 2 kids because their BM was unable to care for them any longer because she moved in with her BF & his mom who didn't want the kids there so she passed the kids to my brother, who in turn, filed paperwork with the courts to switch custody & child support. Once she realized that she'd have to start paying (shock, horror), she tried to back track but the courts didn't want to play & my brother retained custody. She sees them about once a month to once every six weeks now although the CO calls for EOWE visitation.

Welcome to STalk

Dh never had full custody of SD but he did have primary from ages 11 to 15. Before that it was 50/50, but BM decided to move an hour away out of the county in which the courts had jurisdiction. Now the move was not to improve her living situation in any way, it was just to jerk DH around some more. BM's husband still worked in the town where we all lived at the time, meaning he now had to drive an hour each way to get to his job. BM didn't then and still does not work, so there was no benefit of the move for her in terms of a career. So the mediator basically told BM if she wanted custody she needed to move back. She refused, and Dh got primary custody (about 60/30).

in fdh's case, when he got custody of sd when she was 16, it was because bm decided to move across the country with an old bf (the father of her son who was 14 at the time), and sd didn't want to go with her. i don't know if fdh would have contested if sd had wanted to go or not. probably not. she lived here for one long, miserable year. then bm and her bf broke up and sd went to live with bm again, because she didn't like my rules (go to school, clean up your messes, stay out of things that aren't yours), then after 2 weeks when she was mad at bm, she wanted to come back here. fdh was happy to play musical custody and was all excited to take her to the FOC to have it changed back to him (because for some reason it is so important to him to be favored over bm) until i told him that in another 2 weeks, sd would be pissed at him or me and want to go back to bm's again. i told him the court isn't going to put up with bullshit games like that based on who she's mad at this week. i guess he saw my point because he called her back and told her she chose her mom, and she was gonna have to live with that choice.

My dh techinically has full custody of ss14. Bm gave it to him when ss was not even 1. That's just what they agreed on-used the same attorney and enver went to court.