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Nothing will ever change will it?

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 11:55am

SO is so clueless. Yesterday I went into work early therefore left work early. SO works early in the AM and gets off early afternoon. I get home from work yesterday and SD26's car was not there. I find her in her room lounging on her bed. I knew right away dear daddee had taken her car somewhere to do something with it. BD24 comes home and we start making dinner SO is still not home SD is still lounging. BD tells me that dear daddee took SD's car to go get new tires. No big deal right? unfortunately it is a big deal because when I ask daddee something about my car I get the deer in the headlight look. BD had a tire with a nail in it and he told her to find someplace to patch the hole. (inside info SO has worked as a mechanic and works on his cars) so I am livid. I could care less if he paid for the MOFO tires the point is SD needs to get off her lazy A$$ and get her tires changed herself. Am I so wrong to be super pissed about this?

Comments

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 12:16pm

Not that I feel the need to explain to you or anybody else but the BD 24 broke up with her boyfriend and they have a 3 year old. BD 24 was out on her own with boyfriend for last 6 years. Would I be a better parent if I left them out on the streets? She BD24 move back home 2 weeks ago. Regardless of my living arrangements a 26 year old should not need daddee to put fn tires on her car. The SD 26 should be out on her own.

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 1:29pm

24 year old is working full time. Yes she cooks and cleans and helps out. We went camping actually glamping(SP) stayed in a KOA campground in a cabin last weekend. She paid half of all expenses. Yes she is saving for 1st and deposit for an apt for her and her daughter.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 1:38pm

Wait, The 26 year old should be out on her own, but not the 24 year old mother???? :? :? To be honesty, I don't see anything wrong with either kid living at home. But it is strange to say it's OK for your adult kid(AND her kid)to live there, but his kid adult kid should be gone.

Dad wanted to help his kid with her car so he did. He didn't want to help your kid with her car, so he didn't. There's nothing wrong with that.

There is something wrong with him not helping you with your car.

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 1:52pm

26 year old has been with us since HS that's okay? but its not okay for 24 yr old to come back home after being out on her own with child? wait who has failed to launch the 26 yr old or the 24 yr old.

His kid should be gone because she doesn't do $h1T in the house. doesn't contribute to the family in any way. Expects everything handed to her. doesn't pay for her own expenses' because daddee does.

Our 24 year old together helps or prepares meals. Buys food and other household items. Pays her own cell phone and other personal expenses and contributes half on family outings or getaways. Has been back home for 2 weeks. Saving for a place of her own. So yeah its okay for one to be there and not the other. The 24 year old will be out of the house before the 26 year old.

HE IS THE FATHER TO BOTH KIDS.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 2:06pm

"HE IS THE FATHER TO BOTH KIDS."

That bit of information changes things.

The issue with the car was wrong all around.

There's no way he's going to toss one of his kids out and let the other one stay.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 12:02pm

Yeah, no shit and she ain't ever leaving if DH continues to wipe her ass for her. No freaking way.

Poster has she ever moved out?? Or has she been living there since she graduated high school?

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 12:18pm

Daizy SD26 moved in with girl friends the summer after high school for about 3 months. That's how we got her.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 12:38pm

Why the hell is she STILL with you 8 years later???? Does she have disabilities??

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 2:01pm

I totally agree imaSmom. This post was about DH being unfair as always putting SD above me and our children together and it turned in to who should still be at home and who shouldn't.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 2:10pm

Your OP didn't say anything about your SO being your children's bio dad. Based on the ages and the term SO, it is easy to assume that your daughter was his stepkid

ExArmydad's picture

Submitted by ExArmydad on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 2:07pm

Calm down ladies,

The DD is trying to readjust to a new life without the baby daddy in the picture. She needed to come home to do the readjustment, she obviously didn't plan for the day that they would/could split up. This shit happens!

I'm no different, when I first got out of the Army in my 30's mind you, I had to sleep on my mothers couch for a couple months. Why, because I had no where else to go and I tried lining up a job before I even got out but it's hard to go on interviews when you're in another state.

If my DD was in the same situation, I'd set her up in her own apt and help her get reestablished. Call me what you will but that's my kid and my grandbaby. I refuse to punish them because she didn't properly plan for the future. Did all of you plan accordingly and never get side swiped by life?

ExArmydad's picture

Submitted by ExArmydad on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 2:21pm

No problem, no one's perfect.

Oh and I forgot to add that you're not wrong for being a little upset about the SD getting new tires because DH bends over backwards for her.

If I were him, I'd of made her come with me to be apart of the situation. I'll never just do it for you but I'll help you do it. I would also do the same for my own DD and DW.

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 2:50pm

I agree. I really don't even care if he feels the need to pay for them. He should have made her go with him for the learning experience. The issue is and always has been her BM has taught her that she is to expect the man to do what ever she wants him to do. That includes her father. DH needs to teach her that there may not always be a MAN around to do things for her and that she needs to pick up her big girl panties and stand on her own.

With our kids I have taught them to do for themselves. But when DH pulls this shit it hurts them and they wonder why she is treated differently. We have BD24 and BS17 together. BD for his kid just doesn't understand that he has a responsibility to teach his kid to stand on her own. I teach our kids but for his kid its up to him to do so. She won't listen to me nor thinks she has anything to learn as she was an adult when she came to live with us plus what she was taught by BM.

We have all went to counseling for these and other issues but nothing has changed. He is just doing his kid a disservice by enabling her.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 3:13pm

the learned helplessness is my household is the reason I have disengaged.

I taught my kids EVERYTHING. They knew how to make rudimentary meals for themselves in grade school, could lock and unlock a door without losing a key in grade school, they were doing laundry in grade school, and by the time they hit high school, they were handling pretty much all their personal business.

I have NO IDEA how parents who teach helplessness think they are actually helping their pretty pretty princesses and princes.

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Thu, 03/31/2016 - 12:35pm

This is what I have also done with my 2 Bkids. With SD coming to us when she was 18 I could not believe that she didn't know any basic adult responsible functions.

My BS 17 has lost his house key but in the house lol.. another story he is high functioning autistic.

ExArmydad's picture

Submitted by ExArmydad on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 3:32pm

Lit'l B,

I thank you for seeing the big picture here. You wouldn't believe how many women between the ages of 20 and 34 that I dated over the years that had no clue how to be anything more than a pretty face and lay on their back.
They showed up, but had nothing to bring to the table in a relationship, they didn't know how to do laundry, clean, change a tire or light-bulb, hell some didn't even know how to cook a freaking meal! Utterly useless.

I refuse to do that injustice for SD or my DD's. Everyone must know how to pull their own weight and we're teaching them this early on. My DD2 helps unload her plastic dishes from the dishwasher, Sd9 helps make dinner, set the table, clear the table, rinse dishes and load them in the washer. She also has her regular chores she responsible for.

What's crazy is, not one of her neighborhood friends does a single chore and has zero responsibility.

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Thu, 03/31/2016 - 12:40pm

My DD2 helps unload her plastic dishes from the dishwasher...lol That is great.

I was telling my BD24 that her 3 year old has done more things in the house the last 2 weeks then SD26 has in 6 months. Its cute because the 3yr old asks to help. She has set the table for dinner every night this week of course she had some help. It makes me proud know that my BD is teaching her child early on that it takes every member of the family to make things run smoothly.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 2:56pm

Clearly dad agrees with BM on this. BM and dad both taught the 26 year old to depend on men. The only reason your 24 year old doesn't think that way, is because of the things you taught her ~NOT HER DAD. He can't teach the 26 year old something he doesn't believe.

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Wed, 03/30/2016 - 4:25pm

I Was ALMOST willing to cut him some slack until I read that they're BOTH HIS DAUGHTERS!!! So he's totally favoring the older COD and his younger daughter, who has his grandchild, can just suck it? Yeah totally wrong to not even help his other daughter with a nail in her tire yet he races off to buy a new set of tires for the other.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 03/31/2016 - 7:30am

Calm down ladies,
+++++++++++++++
No doubt! LOL.

Of course there is nothing wrong with your child moving back in after a life altering event like that. I would give her 6 months or so to find her a place though. But this makes you a good parent. Even if it was DHs skid. However...there is something wrong with a 26 year old NEVER moving out.

Anywho…I would be angry also at DH. I think I would just tell him this…”DH, I guess I won’t ask you to do any more husbandly things for me….since apparently you do the husbandly things for SD and not me.” Gag.

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Thu, 03/31/2016 - 1:03pm

yep and don't be expecting any alone time with me. Seek out jr wify "Yuk"

I really hate that I go there but I can't help it.