Marriage counselor visit this weekend
DH and I started to see a marriage counselor. About 5 weeks ago I went to a counselor to start on myself. At this point I was done with all of the bs. DH and SD27 could move out or just SD27 could leave I didn't care either way.
DH went with me on week 2. DH went alone week 3, 4, and 5. I was invited back this last week.
DH wants to tell SD to leave but doesn't want to do it alone. He wants me and him to tell her together. I think he is being a chicken shit and wants the fault to be on someone else. He doesn't want to hurt SD fee fees.
The counselor wants to see us as a unity front which I can understand. We need to be for OUR other 2 kids.
I need to work on waiting for DH to formulate a response to me when I come to him with an issue I see with SD. The deer in the headlight stare is his way of processing what I just said. I need to slow down in talking when I tell him what is bothering me. I can agree with this because I take shit and take shit until I can no longer hold shit and it all come spewing out.
I also have a huge issue with SD starting the police force and bringing a gun into our home. My father killed himself in his truck parked on the curb on the side of our house. Many times prior to this he threatened to not only kill himself but to kill all of us. This is with gun in hand. He would make one of us kids go to where ever he had his gun and bring it to him. I do not want a gun in my house period. If the above information is not enough...My High functioning 17 DS is infatuated with guns THIS scares me to death.. Thinks he is going to get one when he turns 18. And we have our 4 year old granddaughter living in the house. Sure a gun can be locked up and Yada Yada yada. I don't care. I do not want a gun in my home. My son has a BB/Pellet thing but its locked up in my Bro's gun cabinet at my bro's house.
So I understand some of the points from the counselor but do you guys think that we need to tell SD together to GTFO?
- Lit'l Bit's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I don't think that you have a
I don't think that you have a responsibility to tell his grown child to leave. I think he can do that on his own.
You have every right to be upset about a gun being brought into your home! I'm so sorry you had that experience as a child.
I worked for the police
I worked for the police department. One of my police officer coworkers lost his two or three year old son. He climbed way way up high and got the gun where it was stored and accidentally shot himself to death so I'm with you. I too am afraid of guns. I took way too many calls of little kids finding them and accidentally shooting themselves to own one myself while my children are young.
and you don't need to tell SD anything
So you are kicking out SD27
So you are kicking out SD27 but your BD25 and GD3 are still living in the house with you? That's why he is afraid to tell SD.
Geez, she is 27 frickin'
Geez, she is 27 frickin' years old, it's time to move out.
I would just do it with him to get it over with and make sure it gets done. The sooner, the better.
The 25 year old too!
The 25 year old too!
SD 27 has been with us since
SD 27 has been with us since she turned 18 or 19. when she finished High school.
DD25 Moved out w/baby daddy when she was 19/20. She moved back to the house this past January. She has an exit plan.
To me there is a big difference. SD27 never launched. SD25 had a set back in life. I can honestly say I don't know anybody who has never experienced a set back in Life.
SD27 does nothing in the house. PAYS FOR NOTHING.
DD25 does housework, cooks meals for the family. Pays for her and her daughters expenses. Buys food and other household items used by ALL. Pays for her cell phone.
MrsZipper: I don't care if you see a difference or if you think I should also move the 25year old out. You obviously went back to read my previous post because this one didn't say one word about the 25 yr old. That is how stuff gets started on this blog people start bringing other shit from past blogs in to the current blog instead of giving advice on the issue at hand.
Yes and so did DD 25. DD25
Yes and so did DD 25. DD25 can manager to take care of her kid and be a productive member of our household working full time. But SD27 (working part time) can't seem to get her head out of her ass to do her fn dishes.. we have a dishwasher how hard is it to rinse your dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Rinse the sink out after brushing her teeth leaving globs of toothpaste in the sink. Hair all over the bathroom sink. Throwing away empty shampoo and rinse container if she was the last to use it or if it was her personal stock. Not changing her towel for more than a month. (she didn't change it I did) I could go on and on.
We all have assigned chores. Her birthday is in Sept. She took it upon herself to excuse herself from all of her assigned chores because it was her fn birthday month. FFS I am not asking her to be the maid or do more than other household members do. I am asking her to take care of her personal shit. Her chores for Sept were Monday and Tuesday take out the garbage. The bathrooms and Kitchen garbage can. This would take up to at the most 5 minutes of her day. Wed Clean out the frig. Wipe down the shelves. This would be what a half an hour at the most. Thursday Vacuum the front room. 15 minutes tops. Friday Sweep and mop Kitchen and front door entry 1/2 hour. Sat and Sunday nobody has assigned chores. So Mon thru Friday she had to spend what 2 hours at the most on chores? She is what..so spent from her part time job and parting and sleeping to do 2 hours worth of chores during a weeks time.
Other chores were cooking dinner, doing dinner dishes, cleaning the bathrooms which are a little more detailed than her little chores she had. WTH. So its not that fact that she is failing to launch or that I need to give her some slack, how much more slack should she be given. Should we pay her for living there. I know you did not know all of this before making the statement but when I say she doesn't do shit I mean she doesn't do shit.
This isn't a kid that has
This isn't a kid that has failure to launch. This is a kid that, albeit slowly, is trying
She is TWENTY-SEVEN, never been on her own, still acts like a child. Yes, failure to launch.
27 year old college educated
27 year old college educated police officer has failed to launch...but the unmarried 25 year old with a toddler and a baby daddy committing food stamp fraud is soo much better! She can stay
You said exactly what I was
You said exactly what I was thinking.
Read what I just replied to
Read what I just replied to MRS Zipper.
27 year old college educated
27 year old college educated police officer has failed to launch...but the unmarried 25 year old with a toddler and a baby daddy committing food stamp fraud is soo much better! She can stay
Mrszipper 25 unmarried DD is
Mrszipper 25 unmarried DD is not on food stamps not that it would be any of your fn business if she were. That may be your family history or the way others in your circle work but that is not our family. Why would she need food stamps while living at home with her family.
Your wrote a post about the
Your wrote a post about the baby daddy and said:
"Need a little advice please. BD24 has daughter 3yrs old. She recently moved back home after living with Baby Daddy for 6 years. Baby Daddy is using daughter has bait for trying to get back together with BD. He has pulled all kinds of crap. The latest is that he went to where ever you go for food stamps and cash aid to apply for services. He used the baby as a dependent because he couldn't qualify by himself. Now since he applied for cash aid my daughter will have to pay $350.00 in Child support. The baby doesn't live with him...dumb a$$."
The baby daddy is committing food stamp fraud. Your DD clearly has excellent taste in men, one of the many qualities that make her superior to your college educated police officer SD27 who hasn't launched and needS to get out right now!
The only downside to him
The only downside to him telling her alone is then he has the opportunity to completely throw you under the bus, and you would never know. Left to his own, my guess is the convo would go something like this:
DH: "Beloved daughter, I am so sorry, but Li'l Bit says it's time for you to move out. I know you need to be here during the Academy and when you start working, but SHE says you have to go."
Edited to add: But if your own adult child is living with you (despite even having a plus 1!)then I think it's pretty shitty of you to say YOUR kid can live at home, but HIS can't. The whole "but she never launched" thing is just petty and whiney. So what. You both have adult kids that should have launching plans well underway. They should each get the same term limit to get on their feet. So if your daughter is giving two years, his has to be given the same.
He is the Father to all of
He is the Father to all of the kids...SD27 DD25 DS 17.
except the granddaughter sorry had to throw that in as I have read some pretty weird stuff on this thread.
Yes Furkidsforme... That is
Yes Furkidsforme... That is what I told him and the therapist he would do. I don't want to even be in the convo. I have always told DH that since he never talks to SD in front of me he could be saying anything to her. Lit'l Bit had a bad day at work so she is bitchy right now. It will blow over don't worry blah blah blah. He said in front of the counselor that he does not do this. I told him it couldn't be proven by me but since nothing changes after their "talks" what other reason should I believe he even has these special talks.
I would have no problem being
I would have no problem being with SO when he tells his adult daughter it's time to move out...
I will wait till dinner when all is around the table, and I will simply say Dad has something to discuss can we all pay attention... and i will kick his shin under the table lol... every one above age 18 who's not in college and working part time will be out of my house, within 30 days... with their brats cause I raised my kid already I will not raise some one else's kids for them.
I'm sorry but one adult kid
I'm sorry but one adult kid shouldn't be treated different than the other.
Both adult children need exit plans because the only difference in the problem is the mother of each adult child.
Off topic but many of us go back and read previous blogs so that we have a better understanding of someone's post so MrsZipper isn't doing anything different than the rest of us.