Does it get better?
Hello,
I've been married for 3 years. I have one ss and my husband and I just has a baby boy 10 months ago. I honestly always thought it would be easier if/when we had our "own" or "my own" child. I was wrong. It's gotten worse. I hate to admit this but I almost resent my ss- who is a really, really great kid and I really want nothing more than to love him it's just so darn hard. Sometimes, I even hate cooking dinner for him because ( on the inside i just don't want to give to him) but I do, I mean I'm torn- I know the right thing to do is to love and care for him just like my own- It's just so hard to do. There have been so many issues surrounding our relationship. I can't stand his mother, I hate that my husband ever had a relationship with her. I hate having to plan or coordinate anything with her regarding my ss. I'd almost rather write the whole thing off. I know that's not right, but that's sometimes how I feel. I feel like having him come to our house eowe -is disruptive and I am just frustrated. MY husband and I fight consistently when we have him. And seriously, that is the ONLY time we argue- almost anyway. Usually I say something about disciplining my ss and my husband gets defensive and then I get offended etc.... cycle. then, of course, even thought it's not my ss fault AT ALL- I begin to wish we didn't have him. It's AWFUL and the worst part is that I know it's me who hs to change and I have no idea how. If anyone can offer any advise, I would be grateful.
Thanks for reading this.
Im not sure on the acronyms, I'm very new to this. 
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Get the book "Stepmonster"
Get the book "Stepmonster" STAT! Read thoroughly. It will give you a better understanding of the "dynamics" however know this: that most 2nd marriages fail when the BM has not assumed room temperature; the only successful stepMOTHER relationships are when the BM has either passed on or completely signed off on the child and literally moved half a world away with NO contact whatsoever. The odds of getting a sane BM nowadays are dwindling exponentially.
StepDADs are a different story. . .MUCH MUCH easier.
^^agreed^^^ This is ALOT of
^^agreed^^^ This is ALOT of my problems with my SS13. His BM is a CONSTANT PITA. I don't think my DH can go a week without talking to her and because I have made such a stink about it, he now does everything almost secretly... like I know he talks to her about SS, but he NEVER tells me.. until there is some big blow up with her over something and then he'll tell me things that were said or done over the past couple months that I had no clue about. I told him that this is how people that are having an affair act, even though I KNOW that he would NEVER sleep with HER of all people. I guess the part I don't get is that he proclaims to hate her to the end of the earth, but she just continues to hold some power over him that makes him cower to her at the cost of upsetting me.
My other problem is that SS is not a nice kid... in the past 6 months he has been caught shoplifting, doing pot, fighting at school, failing school, etc. He is basically like a totally different person than he was when DH and I first met 5 years ago. I really don't like the kid and add the BM to the mess and I REALLY don't like him and can't help but feel if he would just go away, my life would be so happy and easy.
Guess I'm not really giving you any advice, more so letting you know you are not alone.