Thank you all for your words, I just can't stop feeling miserable about this situation. Let me explain you why I decided to get a divorce in the first place: I am an immigrant I was granted a residency based on my marriage with H, that visa is conditional and it will expire january 9th, the regular proceeding would be for us to sign a form and send it to the USCIS, but when he left I talked to a lawyer and he told me the proceeding in my case, I can apply to remove my condition but I have to get divorced, if I fail to do so and don't send my paperwork I will get deported, so there, now this is an other stressfull situation to add up. When H and I started talking again I reminded him about this he told me to not worry that he wanted to be with us and work everything out, although he kept complaining about the CS all the time. So I just thought that I didn't have to get divorced and I was relieved because I really wanted to work things out and be with him and have a family, we agreed on sending the paperwork and the $500 fee last wednesday. A week ago he got upset with me when I advised him to not let BM make him feel bad about adjusting her CS that we could not affort to support her while the skids where here, that it wasn't his fault, he left the apartment and stopped talking to me, I tried to text him but he didn't reply, so I gave him a few days, tuesday came and I called him hoping that he was already cool, I talked normal and I asked if he wanted to come by because he needed to sign the forms, and his exact words were "I'm not signing anything until you backdown from CS" I just couldn't do it, I went through very hard times paying everything by myself, with my other job, even now I struggle to make my ends meet, so I couldn't and I felt that he was trying to manipulate me, I felt like that was the only thing he wanted from me, so he could move on, so I explained to him that I didn't have time anymore that he knew that if i fail to send them i could get deported and my child is going with me, and he said "well since I'm going to be broke anyways and I won't be able to afford to see any of my kids, I don't care, it doesn't make any difference, I won't be able to see him anyways" that broke my heart and then he started defending BM I just stayed quiet, and then just said "I just needed to know if you wanted to sign or not, I would've appreciated if you would've told me your true intentions since the beggining" now I HAVE to get divorced in order to not get deported, that besides the whole bunch of other reasons. But now I can't help to feel like if I just had more time we could probably work in our marriage, do you ladies think that I'm a selfish person? because that is how i feel sometimes, I know he is a jerk, and I know I have a bunch of reasons to believe that he is not good for me, but why can't I feel comfortable about my decision???? I'm just trying to do what I have to do to be able to keep living here with my son, I have a good job, I have stablished a life here, is it because now that he is getting back togheter with BM I'm second guessing myself?? Maybe it doesn't even matter anymore, maybe this whole time he never truly got over her, I just can't help to feel kindda guilty. I need a drink!!