I don't know what to do anymore
I'm tired. I don't want to live like this.
DH is suppose to get SD this Fri. for his weekend, but for the 3rd weekend in 1 1/2 months, SD is not coming. It's always something. She's too sick, she has a tummy ache, she has soccer try outs. DH gets a text from BM yesterday afternoon that said:
BM: Just a heads up, SD has indicated to me that she will be spending Friday night with me. She has soccer tryouts tomorrow(Thur) Fri and Sat.
DH: This is suppose to be my weekend. I am suppose to see SD for my two hour visit tomorrow(Thurs.) You can not continue to take my time away with out my approval. The choice to see me is not SDs. You need to enforce our parenting plan.
BM: SD will be with me Fri. night. You may see her tomorrow(Thurs) if you pick her up from [soccer field] at 6:30PM. ....DH is suppose to get SD from 6-8pm.
DH: SD needs to be at [drop off area] at 6pm thursday night. She also needs to be at [drop off area] Friday night at 6pm for my weekend.
BM: [DH] This is not abut you, nor is this about me. This is about [SD] and what she has chosen for herself. If you keep acting this way, you're going to lose her forever.
DH: Correct. Your continued alienation is causing me to lose her. She needs to be at [drop off area] at 6 pm both thursday and friday. I will be filing this with the courts.
BM: You do whatever you feel you need to do [DH]. Remember, this parenting plan was made around a preschool schedule and SD is now in 3rd grade. We both know these mid week visits and weekends are silly. She will be with me this weekend.
DH did not respond anymore. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of wondering if SD is coming over. There is no longer a set schedule..It's whatever BM wants to do. DH is in the process of filing for contempt, custodial interference and a custody change. It's just taking too long. I dont want to live like this anymore. Even though I have no control over SD and the situation, it stills pisses me off to no end. I'm tired of explaining to a broken hearted DD5 that SD will not be here, yet again.
If DH does not get custody, I dont know what I'm going to do. I would love it if SD would stop coming over completely, just to avoid all the heartbreak she puts DH and DD through. I dont think it's fair SD can come and go as she pleases at 9 years old. This is not her choice. If DH does in fact get more time time or custody, SD is going to need some serious help..Shes not going to understand that her mother has made horrible decisions..All she is going to hear and think is daddy took her away from her mom. Shes going to be even more screwed up. I dont know how to handle all this. I hate seeing my husband hurt.
I told him lastnight that I do care for her, but I do not like SD anymore. All I see when I look at her is another person hurting MY husband and MY family. I dont know how much more stress I can handle without flipping out.
- LaMareOssa's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Wow, I wonder if BM realizes
Wow, I wonder if BM realizes what a monster she's creating. Once SD is done chewing up daddy, guess who she will turn on.
BM knows exactly what shes
BM knows exactly what shes doing. Whats even more sad is during the original custody battle, the GAL (guardian ad litem for children) said BM was using PAS on her other two children and that it will most likely happen with SD. It's happening now and I hope the judge sees all of it. I hope the judge can look beyond the pretty face and tears in the court room.
Sounds familiar. When ss was
Sounds familiar. When ss was around that age he stopped coming. Only dh didn't fight back or file contempt charges. He eventually gave up and accepted it. It was great for me because I didn't have to worry about taking care of ss or explaining to my kids why ss wasn't coming. He came a few times here and there and we were nonchalant about it with our bios. After 3 years, ss started visiting again. (last year) He was 12 and since bm took dh for more cs, he took her for visitation. Yea. So this last year has been tough. Everyone is getting adjusted. We still don't tell our kids that ss is coming until dh has him in possession, just in case. Sometimes I think if bm hadn't asked for more cs that things would've remained the same and ss wouldn't be in our lives as much. But he's here. My advice to you is to have dh follow thru on his threats. Print out every email, text message, etc you have proving she is breaking the parenting plan. Then keep copies for yourself and also keep copies for the court. If you have money for an attorney, get one. If not, find out how to file chafes of contempt on your own. Nothing may happen at further, but after repeated attempts they should find bm im contempt. It will be worth the hassle and save tons of heartache down the road. If he doesn't do anything, sd may believe her dad is to blame and stopped wanting to see her. So he needs tofigjt for her and keep proof ao eventually she knows it wasn't her dad's fault.
Call the cops. Every single
Call the cops. Every single time. File police reports when she is not where she is supposed to be. Have a copy of court order on hand every time. Have Dh shoot a text telling her if SD is NOT at court ordered place on time, you will be calling the police, and filing a report. Save ALL of her text and print them out. The only way to fix this is to go about it the legal way. She is what... 8 years old?? Not nearly old enough to make these decisions on her own.
DH has literally a 2 inch
DH has literally a 2 inch stack of police reports. And literally 5-6 inch stack of evidence against her..texts, emails etc.
DO you have a court date??
DO you have a court date??
No. DH is taking too l9ong
No. DH is taking too l9ong trying to get his paper work done the right way..Hes going into court Pro Se.
LOL -on the side recent
LOL -on the side recent comments this post looked very intriguing haha!!! I was thinking 2 inches? Put up with skids with 2 inches? LOL
Oh yeah!! The left side
Oh yeah!! The left side recent comments!! I would crack up if I was saw something about 2 inches!! lmao }:) I would have to check it out too!
I was thinking the same
I was thinking the same thing. We haven't revised our custody plan EVER, my kids were 1 & 2 when I divorced, and they are now 7 & 9. LOL, guess I am REALLY outdated. LOL.
Not much has changed in BMs
Not much has changed in BMs life since preschool-up to now (3rd grade) Actually, nothing at all has changed, so there was no need for BM to point out how outdated it was. That was just one of her tactics to make herself look justified in her actions. Yeah..Freshman..SD acts like it! lol 9 Year olds dont make those types of decisions...She is still a child..Not a teenager..and BM allows SD to act as though shes grown.
That is just wrong... Is
That is just wrong...
Is there something that happened that made her not "want" to go to your house? Sorry if you are repeating yourself, I am new
Yea..I'm assuming we're
Yea..I'm assuming we're horrible people because we make SD do her homework (Which she has admitted BM or grandparents who she lives with do not make her do anything) we make SD brush her teeth and bathe. So, yeah, we're horrible evil people who want her to excel. lol Maybe it's because our DD5 and DS2 get overly excited when SD walks through the door. Maybe because when she is at BMs, shes treated like a baby and when she is here she has responsibility, such as homework.
That's where BM should
That's where BM should discuss these things with DH beforehand. If it's his parenting time, she should not plan things on his time. Classic tactic used by many BMs.
We put FSS in boyscouts on
We put FSS in boyscouts on BM's time. But, FDH talked to her about it first, and she pretends to participate. It's another place she can pretend to be mother of the year.
Too bad they already have her pegged. It has actually helped pave the way for the two parents to start learning how to communicate better about him.
Nope..Never said SD is not
Nope..Never said SD is not allowed. But since DH doesn't see his daughter and for many other reasons, BM shouldnt schedule so MANY EC'S on DHs time. It's his quality time. If DH saw his daughter every day, it would be a different story. And on top of it all, BM NEVER EVER tells DH about swimming, tennis, baseball, ballet or tap until the day before. BM does not understand this because she sees SD every single day and takes forgrated their time together.
Yes, BM's parents or whoever
Yes, BM's parents or whoever pay almost 2500 bucks for SD to play in some "special" soccer league. In the parenting plan it states both parties(parents) are not to enroll or plan activities during the other parents time. The other parent is not allowed to impinge on the other parties side. It obviously wouldn't be a big deal for SD to play, but when DH rarely sees her, he wants them to have their quality time together.
He needs to file ASAP before
He needs to file ASAP before this hits the point of no return.
What took me by surprise is that as I was reading your post-I assumed too that your sd was in high school and had some serious soccer tryouts that she had to attend. If she were in hs this might be understandable-potential scholarships and all that-but she's 9 years old!! I have a 9 year old and I will tell you right now her relationship with her daddy is far more important than any silly old soccer game. She would never in a million years chose to go to a soccer tryout rather than see her father.
Do you have the coach's number? Can you get it? I would call him and explain that sd would like to play soccer but cant attend the tryouts on the scheudled time? Is there an alternative time you can take her? (I was unaware that kids tried out for soccer-especially for 9 year olds-my 11 year plays in a travel league and he didnt have to 'tryout".) Or can you take her yourself? (still confused-are you saying she has soccer tryouts 3 days in a row-again i've never heard of such a thing).
If you cant manage this-then if I were dh I would go to drop off point promptly at 6pm-when she is not there-I would immediately go to the soccer field and immediately pick her up whether her practice is over or not-if he has to pick her up and carry her then that's what he has to do. She is still a little girl and should be treated as such. BM wont be able to a damn thing about it as it your dh's custodial time. then on Friday if she is not at the appointed spot-I would drive to wherever she is and go get her.