Just crying...because im crazy...
If anyone has read my stuff, i have been struggling with making plans and doing things because of dh.
I was invited to see my friends son play football today. I told dh. He said i dont have to go right?. So i took him out of the mix. I was going. It was right around the corner, thats why she invited me. I was over her house thursday.
He kept me up last night talking about changing plans, and he could have worked if i was going to go run around!! Ughhh he was planning to lay around then get office work done. So he was still working. He wanted me to tell him im not going. I did not cave. (And these plans were not last minute)
All because i said if the toddler is still sleeping can she stay with you while bs and i go. Oh my god. He starts in with guilt trips, of he wishes he could just have fun, party party..
Im pissed. Wtf.. he schedules work meetings on the weekends without even telling me, or wont tell me how long he will be. Im so angry. Most weekends HE is NOT here!!! He is sleeping, he is on calls...like i cannot keep waiting around, its not fun being in limbo, not being able to make plans.
He has the nerve to ask me how many times i went to my friends house this week! Are you kidding me. Ss has not even been home!
I tried to let so much of our fight go, but i cant. I tried to put it behind me. But after i went to the football game, and he came home from homedepo and work. I tried to be on better terms.
I know he is working hard. Maybe i am selfish i dont know.
Ss has not been home, he spent the night at his friends, comes home for almost an hour.
I make pizzas, and while im in the kitchen i hear ss, low talking to dh. Im thinking an app or something for xbox.
Uh no.
He comes back down, and i hear dh say hold on let me get you money for go-karts.
Im so angry. So angry. I cannot even look at dh. Im ready to just start crying. I wish he was easy going like that with me!!
Oh he knew i was upset he starts that light jokey voice. Then goes what are you mad about ss going to go karts?
I just cry, because it soo much more than that. Im jealous of the way he treats a,12 year old!! I hate that we argued about going to my close friends birthday. Another girl friend invited me to go see an 80s band, i did not even tell him.
Why am i fighting and arguing?? Why?
Now he just keeps telling me, im making his weekend crap, because I WANT to argue. I want to be upset because i cant run around why he has to work, like he wants to work so much.
He does not get it, why the eff do i have to fight and yell at him about going to a kid football game, and then he is all here son have fun bye. Am i a child?! No! Did we agree on him working and me with kids, yes. Do i go alot of places no, do i clean my house yes. Im so frustrated. We cant talk because HE wants me to say im sorry let me stay here and make you steak and make you feel better and ignore our kids so i can take care of my MAN baby!!
And im stuck. Its so hot here i cant run to a playground for a break. Im in no mood for a mall, god all i need is one person to say the wrong thing and im crying. Noone close to me is home right now... so im here, typing and crying.. im trying to stop (my son is playing minecraft so ive got some time to cool down, i hope at least another 45 min)
If you read this thanks...i just needed to get it out...im so upset... its only going to get worse because im going to leave the house!! Im going to make plans.
I think thats also why im crying because i know we will keep fighting over this.
I cant help that im with kids all day. My plans are KID related, his brain is always on work or taking his boat out. Im sorry i crave adult interaction, im sorry you took over bills and making money so you have more heavy thinking. Im sorry my brain is not on what will make my husbands life easier today-answer staying home so he does not worry about us. Staying home so he does not wonder about who im talking to thats NOT him.
God im just rambling... ill stop before i start going in circles.
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Comments
Sweetie, you are being
Sweetie, you are being abused. He is isolating you. The reason he's easy going with his son is because he can control him and the kid has to get his permission to do anything. You are an adult that dared to make plans without his consent! He felt like he was losing control and he is punishing you for it. Once he feels like you're back in your place, he'll calm down. It's a cycle designed to break you down. Eventually you'll stop spending time with other people and making your own plans because the punishments are not worth it. I have seen this so many times. Get an exit plan ready, girl. Get a counselor and don't isolate. He will do whatever he can to break you. You are strong and you know what he's doing is wrong. Keep your friends close. And do not hesitate to reach out if you feel threatened or scared. Good luck, hon.
I second this. He is not
I second this. He is not acting the way a normal husband would. I am a house wife and my husband works and he does not give me crap for doing my own thing. He encourages me to do more out of the house. He wants me to be happy. We work together to make plans that fit both of us, not make demands on one another. Your husband is abusive. Your relationship is not healthy. Please stay safe and seek support. You are not crazy he is manipulating the situation.
I agree with the first two
I agree with the first two posters, whole-heartedly. You have to do your own thing to preserve your own sanity, doesn't he? Do you complain? If he wants to plan joint activities, that is most desirable. However, he makes his plans without consulting or considering you. You clearly need a break and need to get out of that house and have some time for yourself. He is attempting to control you by blaming you. Do not take the bait, you go be yourself and have fun! Why should anything stop you? He does exactly what he wants to do without asking your permission; high time you did the same.
Do not ever let anybody control you; find yourself again and be yourself.
How old are your
How old are your children?
Being a SAHM is not working for you, so it's time to find a job. Even if it means using most of your income for child care, it will be worth it because it will slowly end your husband's control over you.
Your husband is able to control your because he is supporting you and you son.
At this point working will be more about gaining independence than about the income.
Of course your husband will give you pure hell about going back to work. I'm sure he knows if you ever regain the ability to support yourself and your children, that you will leave his horrible ass in a heartbeat.
Thanks echo, your questions
Thanks echo, your questions really hit me. Puts alot into perspective. Its not a very good outcome.
Interestingly, I was
Interestingly, I was discussing with my current SO last night about my previous SO about a similar situation in that previous SO would pick fights with me when he knew that I had plans with girlfriends or when I spent too much time on extra-curricular activities and wasn't at his beck and call. Previous SO was a needy MF and tried to control me in the same way. It is abusive. And, it's easy to get sucked in. I was pretty strong about it as I'm fiercely independent but I still put up with a lot from previous SO with his nitpicking and wanting to fight because he was so controlling and abusive. He didn't want me to have a life because he didn't have a life. But, he didn't know me enough to realize that I wasn't going to put up with it. When I broke up with him, he said "Now you can be free to do as you wish", a final jab. I rolled my eyes.
My current SO is so supportive of me having friends, visiting with them, doing anything to help make my relationships with friends and family work. He supports my extra-curricular activities, even if he is not involved like art class and my schooling. In the last few months, I have been very busy and have dropped the ball at home in many areas like keeping up with my chores and my current SO never throws it in my face.... even when I'm, admittedly, just being lazy instead of being busy and can't muster up the energy to do dishes when he has done them like three times in a row and it's surely my turn.
Break free from this controlling, abusive "boy".... he's not a man.
Yeah he gets in these modes
Yeah he gets in these modes where he is exhausting! Whats weird is he thinks he is an easy going guy!!
Yes your exSO sounds alot like my husband.
You know in the movies how the "geek" wants to date the "hot" chick/boy, but once they have them they realize wtf? You suck. I feel like that a little. He is probably a 8 or 9 on a hot dude scale, im more like a 5 or 6. Before you all tear me apart for that, i know it because of how people react to us. I have gotten the surprised he is hot, like its a question, like how did i get him. I usually get the she is sweet or cute comment.
When dh mother was in the hospital. Dh would go visit as much as he could. Dhs aunt babysat the kids so i could go up and see her. Dh was not there yet, and MIL told me how her son was the talk of the floor. And sure enough in walks a nurse (she was older black lady) she greets mil and says "almost time for you son to visit, right?" And giggles. Mil banters back then says "this is my daughter in law" and i mean the lady was nice but i could tell she was ready to run and tell all the other nurses i was there so they could check me out. The wife of the "hot visiting son"
Point is its weird to me that dh is,so jealous and insecure, and thinks im going to run off with some random dude?!
He is my brad pitt!!
Ugh but my brad pitt is looking more like screech, when he opens his mouth!!
Noone ever dreams of getting divorced, but i feel im getting closer and closer to that outcome.
It is not jealousy in the
It is not jealousy in the classic sense, it is a form of control. (Not saying you couldn't get another hot guy or anything, just to be clear).
Starkie - here's some
Starkie - here's some tissues... no wipe the snot and tears girl......
this is what we are going to do, you are going to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be happy, start looking for part time jobs, or full time, start planing your life with your kids..... With the small salary you get you start building a safety net to leave this man....
If you want to go to a friends house around the corner, then go, take your kids with you, ask the friend first, but I'm sure she will have no problems with it, they might know your situation, start building a friend circle, people who will help you...
Stop catering for SS... that's DH's responsibility only, if DH says anything, smile and say, Hon it's your kid, I'm not his parent, you are... and seeing you treat him better then me, I choose to disengage from him, now grow up, and parent your child....
If you can't find work, start invoicing DH for nanny services... find out local day care rates etc....
Thanks ladies. Im feeling
Thanks ladies. Im feeling better after a crappy weekend.
Yes i need a plan.
I just get so mixed up. He is great sometimes where i feel like man im lucky. Then we have fights like this and i want to run.
I really want to join this mom club thats around here, i have been hesitating because they host play dates at each others houses, they do events, and meetings once or twice a month. I hesitated because just not knowing how pushy they might be to have you do EVERY activity they plan. I think i just need to join! That could be a great start and i could meet some strong mommas.
join them Starkie - and i
join them Starkie - and i think they will believe if you truly can not make an event cause a kid is sick, or you are sick, but they will get pushy if they find out you would rather stay at home because your husband had an issue with you going....
Go out, make friends and enjoy it, let DH worry about his precious little brat at home