My Date with a MUCH Younger Man
Met up with the local college football coach for dinner and drinks, last night. As I said in my last post, he is one month older than my DS33. I am 23 years his senior.
I tried to dismiss the notion that he was interested in more than a friendship, but he confirmed last night.......he was interested in more. Oh dear Lord.
He made it clear he saw no obstacles to dating me. But, I had to tell him I couldn't offer him more than platonic friendship. I explained that the ONLY obstacle was our age difference, and that, if and when I date, it will be intentionally. I desire a life partner who is in the same stage of life as me: nearing retirement or already retired, with grown children, as I want to travel and see the world.
I told him that if I was 10 years younger or fabulously wealthy, he would be in trouble. LOL
We had a GREAT time. It was fun to flirt with an attractive young man. I am pretty sure he wasn't sizing me up for marriage and would have been on board with some "summer fun" (and I have zero doubt it would be a lot of fun). But I'm not wired that way. I did the casual sex thing when I was in my young single days and found it disappointing.
It's not for me. I would rather wait for my person - my lifelong companion. If I don't ever meet that person, I am content to enjoy my friendships with women AND men.
Still, it felt wonderful to feel desired and celebrated.
I hope all of you feel desired by your lovers and celebrated by everyone else.
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Comments
Clearly you project a much
Clearly you project a much more youthful energy and appearance than the date on your birth certificate!
It's wonderful to be desired.. but it's also fantastic that you are past the "I will date you because you like me" stage of your life.. that you are being intentional and discerning and not proceeding when the outcome is not one that you would see as a reality.
I do agree that being in the same stage of life.. where he would be also nearing retirement would be more ideal.. because I have seen situations where there is a big difference.. by the time the younger spouse reaches retirement age.. the older is "too old" to do all those enjoyable travels and activities.. esp if the age difference is pronounced. Things like that aren't as apparent when both people are healthy and active stages.. but ultimately the older person eventually will meet the realities of aging.. and well before the younger setting up that situation where there are issues.
But.. glad it was fun and great to get yourself out there meeting new people.. you are enriched for the experience for sure.
Thank you. I think I must be
Thank you. I think I must be projecting that energy.
But isn't it sad that a 64 year old man would squander what we had when a 34 year old man can see it?
XBF had my youthful energy and my love and commitment. But, he wasn't satisfied, had doubts and couldn't commit. He truly screwed up.
I'm sure that you were very
I'm sure that you were very enticing to your XBF... and honestly.. you had a long run with it.
I just don't feel he was ever emotionally capable of going all in on a relationship with anyone.. unless the other person was going to 100% be the alternate ringleader and doormat to his whims and moods.
I don't even know if it was due to the fact he lost his wife.. because I'm not certain that he was ever the wonderful partner/husband that you would have wanted if you met him first.. His wife must have been one of those people to bend her vine to his stake.. not vice versa.
Bend her vine to his stake.
Bend her vine to his stake. Now that's an excellent and very descriptive phrase. I love it.
I bent my vine, somewhat, to his stake, but I'm glad I didn't assume his "shape" completely. I learned with XH2 that it's possible to lose your self when you mold yourself to someone else.
I'm flexible, but I need my next relationship, should it happen, to be a case of two vines interwining (as long as neither of the vines is choked out).
I was on board with the simple, frugal lifestyle my ex enjoyed. I didn't mind not having a dishwasher and drying our laundry on the line. I liked the simple days of cooking together, listening to music, hot tubbing, getting lost on backroads, backyard BBQs - just the two of us. Most of all, I liked road trips, hiking, kayaking, biking and camping wild on back roads in his "adventure van." I have some amazing memories from our time together.
My triumph is maintaining all of my close friendships, getting involved with the community, being there for my kids when they needed me (I let my kids down a bit when I was with my XH2), and setting/holding boundaries with XBF. I didn't give up anything that I came into the relationship with. So, it was almost seamless to transition into single life because I'm still doing what I have been doing all along.
Girl 97% of the time these
Girl 97% of the time these men want to be the "friend" that blowing your back out lol (no disrespect to you but that's seriously how they think)....and they will see no obstacles because their pen!s is blind to any obstacles in the way of some p*$$¥
Good thing you let him know off the top that you're in a different life stage than he is so if he chooses to delude himself....that's on him.
Let's be clear, there were
Let's be clear, there were tasteful, low key comments that would suggest he could and would "blow my back out." I think he said something about being "blessed." The Lord is surely tempting me. I am being tested. Bahahaha! 6'2" and handsome. Dang.
As fun as that would be, I would have to totally abandon my boundaries and goals to indulge. Not going there. I am focused and will not stray from the path I have chosen. It's bittersweet. LOL
Geeze, y'all are making me man blush!
Not a regular thing for me.
I'm thrilled that you are living well and enjoying your life of adventure.
Apparently, you might wanna find a good chiropractor. Just in case.
There is ZERO "Just in case."
There is ZERO "Just in case." No exceptions. It's just not me.
Happy to have made you blush, though.
Apparently, you might wanna
Hon, you had a fun evening;
Hon, you had a fun evening; you'll both look back on it with a smile plus you've made a new friend (without benefits). It's also imperative to keep those flirting skills in good working order.
Thanks grannyd. I would say
Thanks grannyd. I would say it's a BENEFIT to spend an evening flirting with an attractive young man. I hope to repeat it.
Thank for the hopefull blessings
Not currently happening.
I'm sorry CLove. I know
I'm sorry CLove. I know everyone says it, but you truly do deserve better. ((hugs))
I occasionally interview for
I occasionally interview for a job to stay "fresh" just in case. Nothing wrong with staying "fresh" getting your flirt on. And it's flattering when younger men find you desirable! I enjoyed a short Cougar phase before I reconnected with DH. Fun, but I drew the line at very light intimacy (handholding and kisses). I'm not into casual sex and was up front about it. Had a lot of fun. Enjoy yourself, lovely!
Love this!
Love this!
I'm getting practice with boundaries and flirting!! LOL
Good to hear you're enjoying
Good to hear you're enjoying your journey however you desire it to be.
I am so loving all of your positive posts!
I am so loving all of your posititve posts! When we get people on here wondering if they would be able to make it on their own, I am going to point them in your direction. You have handled this breakup and your new life with such an understanding of yourself and where you want to be in the future.
Thank you for adding that.
Thank you for adding that. There are times when I question myself and have a bad day, but overall, I know it was a good decision and the support here means a lot to me.
Keep it light
Believe me "cougaring" is NOT worth it. Chef is 8 yrs younger than me and I always worry about him outliving me (although I doubt it as he is back to boozing).
100%
100%
Anytime I dealt with a younger dude....I regretted it later.
These young mfs (while good for a "ride" of a lifetime) are typically headaches to deal with long term --- they be immature, petty, obnoxious, cheap, annoying etc
This generation of young men is NOT built with the same quality and values as the older generation. They provide not much other than some eggplants and headaches and unbalanced ph.
My (now deadbeat) breeder is younger than me .... ugh!!!
N.e.v.e.r. again will I deal with a younger dude for anything more than a boy toy cause 9 times out of 10 that's gonna be all they're good for.
Younger/older - it doesn't
Younger/older - it doesn't seem to matter these days.
Maybe it's partly because all the quality men who are emotionally mature and available quickly pair up and get married, so the only one's left are the men that keep jumping from woman to woman or who have been sent away by women who are sick of their sh!t.
I think a lot of men are in a weird limbo like they don't know how to be men. Back in the day, there were expectations of men to be protectors and providers. Naturally, people are individuals and it was hard for some men to fit the mold, but the societal expectations to protect and provide for women were pretty straightforward.
Women changed things up and it's for the better, but I think that a lot of men haven't quite figured out how to be good, egalitarian partners.
Some are "traditional" and want the woman to take on traditional roles BUT are okay with the woman working and earning.
Some are "modern" and want all the perks of a contributing partner but act like they are independent/separate. These are the selfish men who seem to support feminism, but mainly for what it gives THEM. These men are often not emotionally mature.
Some are babies looking for a mommy. *barf* This would be my first husband. While he did provide for our family, he wasn't big on protecting me.
Any guy who wants to be true partner and can protect a woman's heart and provide her with stability and security is likely already in a relationship, so it comes down to timing. You have to hope that the fates conspire to match you up with a good man before someone else snags him. LOL
I had a great weekend with my women's hiking group. Camping was fun, the weather was wonderful, got in a great hike and now I have a few new friends. And I think I found my human spirit animal. This woman is a RIOT and her stories are wild. She's also got a potty mouth like me and we hit it off like a house on fire.