Big News!
I'll start with the big news. My DD31 and her boyfriend of a year are engaged. This happened Sunday, and the wedding plans are in full force. But the biggest news is that they'll be getting married next month!!!!! It will be a small, simple ceremony with only witnesses and parents, followed by a dinner to include siblings - a total of about 15 all together.
No, she's not pregnant. LOL
My future son in law arrived in the US at the age of 7 from Honduras as an undocumented immigrant. He has 2 younger brothers who were born in the US, so his parents had a path to green cards and citizenship that way. Unfortunately, Dream Act (DACA) immigrants have no path to citizenship unless they get married. Before anyone suggests that this is a "green card" wedding, it's not. This young man can stay in the US (unless the rules change) as long as he keeps renewing his DACA status. He's a very successful software developer and recently bought his own home. The downsides of being a DACA immigrant are that you can't apply for citizenship and the ability to travel outside of the US is VERY difficult. He could have married any woman if all he wanted was a green card or citizenship.
They had been discussing getting married in 2025 or 2026, but expedited things because of the recent election outcome. It seemed prudent to marry and start the process of him obtaining a resident alien status, which would allow them to have a real, international honeymoon in the next 8-14 months. Then, he will apply for citizenship which requires him to not leave the country for 3 years. That would fall around the time they want to start a family.
I was really impressed with their planning - they even consulted an immigration attorney. Both families are delighted. Our daughter has chosen a lovely young man, and his family is equally wonderful. They are the kind of family any parent would want for their children. I know that if anything happened to me or her father, her future husband's family would protect and provide for her.
As for me, my season of cycling events ended the first weekend in November. I don't have any outdoor adventures booked for the entire winter, so I'm going to capitalize on this boundless energy I seem to have and take on a part time job over the winter. I found an excellent weekend job working with residents who are re-acclimating to the community while being treated for mental illness. This kind of work beats working at a retail chain during the holidays!
All my activities this year have paid off with me dropping a couple of sizes in clothing (and being much more toned). Now, I'm the subject of a lot of male attention, which is very ego boosting, but I'm not really interested in anything more than flirting. Mr. Cutie Pie is still a friend. We flirt and sometimes kiss. It's nice, but it won't be anything more for me. He's still got Barbie/Pick-me girl as his friend with benefits, and I don't do casual, and I don't share. LOL
I had the eager cyclist after me for a bit until he finally LISTENED to me when I said I'm not dating. So, he put his energy into another woman he had been dating. Now they are a thing, and I'm so happy for him. He still reaches out as friends for advice, so that's nice.
Just this past weekend I had another guy ask for my number. He's a big beefcake guy just a couple of years older than me, but I found out from friends he's married. He keeps texting me to meet him for a drink. I might, but I'll be straight up and tell him 1) I'm not dating right now and 2) I know he's married, so even if I were dating, I don't date married men.
I've just accepted that the universe is giving me quizzes to test my boundaries.
Life is good. I'm going away next week for my birthday - just a casual mountain getaway with my DS28. I'll have to work part of the week, but that's fine. When I get back my girl posse is hosting a sleepover to celebrate my birthday. I love them!! It's the first year I've been super low key about my birthday (I usually take the whole month and announce it to the world), and they really stepped up to organize something to celebrate me. I'm bursting with love.
I'm hosting Thanksgiving here at my house and my ex husband (father of my kids) will be joining us. I feel bad for him as he had fallen hard for a widow who did the hot/cold, push/pull, on/off routine with him, and we kinda bonded over how tough it is to date someone who will not seek grief counseling. It's been 10 years since we divorced and we are never getting back together, but there is enough distance that I feel okay with being on more friendly terms, especially since we have a wedding next month AND will be sharing grandparently duties (hopefully) in the near future. Being on better terms has reminded me why I can't be with him ever again. He's very negative, needy and makes so many things 10x more difficult. Our daughter is so annoyed with him.
Heading in to winter, I'll be hitting the gym to keep my fitness going so that I don't have to work twice as hard in the spring to return to all of my adventures.
How do the rest of you get through the holidays and the winter doldrums without getting flabby and fat? LOL
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Comments
Congrats on the upcoming
Congrats on the upcoming wedding! It sounds like your DD has picked a great guy. I always enjoy reading about your adventures!
Thank you, Rumple*
Thank you, Rumple*
I forgot to also mention that my DD31 will be moving out during the 2 weeks after Christmas. I'm really looking forward to having my house to myself and our relationship improving through both of us having space.
I've told her 1) she must take ALL of her stuff because I won't be storing anything here, and 2) she's not moving back in with me...ever. LOL
DD has picked a quality young man. I am not sure if you know of the Gottmans, but they are a major force in relationship psychology.
They claim that when a man is willing to be influenced by his partner, the relationship has a higher chance of success. This young man loves my daughter so much, he's been very open to her influence, and it bodes well for their success.
I was worried she was pushing too hard, but it seems as if it was just the right amount of "influence" for him to choose her as his life partner.
Anyway, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it and hope I can return the favor.
Great news on the engagement!
Great news on the engagement! and the prospects of having your home more to yourself.
TBH.. re the married guy.. I might just be direct about it.
Hey Jim, I know you would like to get together for drinks, but I have a personal boundary about doing things socially with married men when their wives are not involved/aware. If I have gotten the wrong impression about your relationship status, it would be great to have a clarification.
If he comes back with the "we have a loveless marriage.. or an arrangement.. whatnot"... I would tell him that unless he is legally separated and on the path to a divorce, you are not interested.. but have a nice life.
I had thought about saying
I had thought about saying that but the person who told me he's married also said he likes to do fun stuff with other people - cycling, etc. - so I don't want to jump to conclusions. I am up for hanging out as friends, but if I was dating, I would not date anyone who isn't fully available - and that means 100% divorced.
Then if you had any interest
Then if you had any interest in doing social stuff.. I might suggest inviting him to some 'group" get together with others.. so it was less datelike.
LOL - I just texted him to
LOL - I just texted him to say that our mutual friend mentioned to me that he's married but making friends to do activities with and that works for me because I'm not dating and also making friends for adventures. And if he's interested in a platonic friendship, I hope he stays in touch. He said our mutual friend hit the nail on the head and he would definitely stay in touch. Win, win.
Congratulations!!!!!!
Thats an awesome update - yours always are so positive and inspiring
Your DD is as smart as her momma...and choosing well, which is so important. And having the experience of Husbands family, I know how important it is to have that confidence that they will embrace and accept her.
And December weddings are so so cool
literally and figuratively. Ive been to a couple. Black and formal 
Im enjoying the empty nest thing, and sometimes I think "maybe a paying househsare??? NAH". Right before SD18 PP started not coming over, she did a MAJOR clearing of her room, and moved everything around. Its super nice now, and when Im snoring too loud, and keeping him awake, husband will sleep in there (I washed all the linens so no more funky monkey smells) and Ive put a bookcase for my books, and moved plants and candles in there.
Ive just started back at the gym and hitting trails on the weekends, with puppy. He gets me out...
And Ive been looking at weekend jobs, but my weekends are so precious since Im still working full time. Your new job sounds very rewarding. And will help the community :D
Great news
Thank you, Clove. So glad to
Thank you, Clove. So glad to hear you've got your house back again!!! Yay. The upgrades to the spare bedroom sound lovely. I may consider a roommate or doing airbnb with my spare bedroom...............but I need to enjoy some peace and solitude for a bit. And, I can have my friends come and visit, now!
This whole year I've been going away every weekend for some kind of sport or adventure. I can't risk slowing down and losing all the ground I've gained physically, and part of that is also going to they gym. So, I think it's best to channel that energy into a part time job. I'll be making $22 an hour and can retire some debt and I won't have the time to SPEND money on adventures or going out with friends, so it's a win-win. And it's only temporary. I told them during the interview that I'll be BACK into my cycling and other outdoor activities starting in May and they said that I can go PRN (as needed), and pick up partial shifts or weekend shifts whenever I can. So, I plan to leave at least 2 weekends a month open so I can pick up shifts. It's a good move for me and I can feel good about what I'm doing.
Congratulations to the stb
Congratulations to the stb-newlyweds!
It's a joy to read your updates. You're so positive and strong and self-assured! *give_rose*
I dated someone for a time - we were serious - but his first love was alcohol so I ended it. We reconnected when his sister called to say he was in the hospital from a heart attack, his chances were slim, and he was asking for me. He apologized for ruining our relationship and that, if he lived, he would change his life. He pulled through and made those changes: quit drinking, quit smoking, started exercising. He's a lovely man when he's sober! Renewing a romantic relationship was out of the question (for me), but we've become good friends. It's really nice that you can be on friendly terms with your ex.
Thank you for your input,
Thank you for your input, Aniki. I have often thought that, at our ages, something could happen to my most recent ex........or me. And I would be devastated to learn that something had happened to him. I do wish he'd take better care of himself.
I am also glad to be on better terms with the father of my children. For my kid's sake, if he needed some kind of help, I would assist. Thankfully, he's fairly healthy right now, so I have set some pretty strong boundaries because he has a tendency to be needy and clingy if I'm not careful.
Hon, you ROCK!
Hon, I get exhausted just reading about your A-type doin’s; what a ball of energy you are! Can’t tell you how much it delights me to hear of your busyness and happiness after your travails of those last two relationships. You deserve all of the joy that’s visiting your life these days, particularly the grand news of your daughter’s engagement.
Getting toned, losing weight and becoming more attractive have got to be the best esteem builders in a woman’s life! You were already a good-looking gal (as you may recall, I’ve seen your photos) so you must be a guy magnet these days. And, like Jean Brodie, you’re in your prime! Your recent posts are downright uplifting; they always make me smile. ♥️
Thank you, grannyd. You make
Thank you, grannyd. You make me blush sometimes.
I wish I could share pictures here. I ordered 2 dresses for my daughter's wedding and wouldn't mind the input.
My friends have weighed in and think the navy blue longer dress is the best one for the wedding, but I feel pretty good in the shorter, purple wrap dress. I think I'm keeping both!! The purple dress might be nice for fancy date in the future.
And yes - I'm getting a lot of attention. Even just driving down the road, I've had a couple of experiences where men slowed down and smiled at me while driving past. LMAO! It's wild.
Just wait. As soon as I'm ready to date, I probably won't meet anyone. *snort*
Congratulations to your DD
Congratulations to your DD and her groom and to you too!!!
It sounds that they have the right stuff and foundation to make a wonderful life togehter and build a solid family. I am not familiar with the Gottmans but it sounds that they get it.
Enjoy your energetic life and the benefits of your health and vitality. You have earned it.
Congrats to your daughter!
Congrats to your daughter! That's awesome.
If you want to easily run off men (if the married ones come knocking) .... ask for some money or tell them you adopted some 4+ kids you need help taking care of......this will send them running
Bwahaha
OMG Lilly, you're so Evil Genious!
La Dulce Vida, so happy to read your updates, and admire your positive energy. I can't wait to hear about your b-day party & the wedding.
Good advice, Lilly!
Or tell them that you can't wait to introduce him to your three brothers, whenever you’re able to drag them away from the gym and the firing range.
Actually, I had three brothers (the eldest passed, sadly) and they were very protective. When they arrived to move me and my belongings from the psychopath, said arsehole was wise enough to make himself scarce.
When I began dating again, the bros all but interrogated my fellas, casting the hairy eyeball (as Rags would say) and making them uneasy. We still laugh about it.
Oh Lilly, I love your little
Oh Lilly, I love your little evil streak. <3
Congratulations on all of
Congratulations on all of this and best of luck to the soon-to-be newlyweds. So wonderful that the families get along well, too! An added PLUS!
You're living a wonderfully healthy life and in addition to your physical attributes, I am sure you are sending out those "I am confident. I am together. I am the whole damn package" vibes! What a great example you are to others.
I look back at last year's holidays and can't believe I was actually losing weight. I started back at the gym after a knee injury had me sidelined for a while, so I've been working out on weight machines, bicycling (indoor and outdoor--mostly indoor), swimming laps, doing the ellipitical machine and going on 4+ mile walks at home when I can. I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and, of course, it's soup season, so yum. But always give myself some treat days. Nothing like a burger and a beer!
Well done, Mia!
Well done, Mia!
Bravo, MorningMia!! A burger
Bravo, MorningMia!! A burger and a beer is the perfect reward for your hard work.
Congrats! He sounds like a
Congrats! He sounds like a fine young man. So happy for your daughter ...
I have had to rethink my approach to fitness ever since hitting perimenopause and gaining weight during the covid lockdowns. I learned a lot from the book "Forever Strong" by Gabrielle Lyon. I'm eating a lot more protein and a lot less sugar and carbohydrates. I don't think I could ever take diet & fitness to the detailed level that she describes but I have incorporated a lot of the fundamentals that she recommends. I think it's working. My waistline is looking pretty good if I don't say so myself. I'm not 20 anymore, not that I'd want to be, but I am happy with how I look. I also would check out Dr. Mary Haver.
Also, I hike a lot! I used to bike a lot an I'd like to get back into that.
I might look into that. I
I might look into that. I know that physical activity has been the key to my success this year. I've been very active, but have steadily lost weight since the beginning of the year. And the activity has also toned and scuplted some trouble areas. I just joined a gym for strength training as that is the BEST way to ignite my post-menopausal metabolism. I had my first intro session last night and hope to get in there again today. I signed up near my job as they offer a discount, but I don't live close to my work, so I won't get into the gym as much in my first month, but after my first month (their rules), I can use the gym near where I live and it's VERY close to my house, so I hope to get in there 3 days a week.
Hon, I was very dedicated to
Hon, I was very dedicated to weight lifting during my thirties and well into my sixties; had my own little home gym with a press bench, free weights, a rowing machine and a treadmill. I worked out five days a week, forty-five minutes a day and loved what it did for both my body and my state of mind. It's wonderful to be strong!
Travelling to a gym never appealed to me. When there are days that you simply don't feel like getting dressed and going out, having your own equipment at home will keep you motivated. Also, you can play rock n’ roll music as loud as you like without offending anyone.
Second-hand gear is cheap; folks buy expensive equipment, lose their resolve and sell it at a loss. It might be a good idea to investigate used equipment; now that your daughter is moving on, you have an extra room to store any apparatus that strikes your fancy!
The problem with me having a
The problem with me having a home gym is I procrastinate. Because it's always there, I find myself saying, "Nah. I'll do it tonight." Then, "I'll do it tomorrow morning." Yet it rarely happens.
I have a stationary bike much like a Peloton. I have dumbells. I have a yoga mat and a Wii to do Zumba. Do I do it? No. Rarely.
So, paying for a gym membership close to my house will hopefully get me out of the house and it doesn't hurt that the gym is in a very affluent, but rural part of Virginia, so maybe I'll meet a rich, handsome, single man. LOLOLOL
No flies on you, kiddo!
....maybe I'll meet a rich, handsome, single man.
Silly me, never thought of that! If Mr. RIch, Handsome and Single frequents a gym, he also be fit.