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All my fault

Kenna's picture

Submitted by Kenna on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 5:49pm

Today my BF told me that I am the reason he doesn't talk to his kids as much as he should. (They live with us full time.) He claims that I get angry everytime he talks to them. I tried explaining to him that I DO get angry when he babies them immediately after disciplining them. It is a pattern his children (D19 and S16) have learned well. He doesn't spend anytime talking with them regularly then they misbehave (in BIG ways) and then they get daddy time, so when they need more daddy time they misbehave again. With the D19 it is about a 3 week cycle. I have tried to get him to spend time talking to them randomly during the week, but he doesn't. Now its my fault that he doesn't! Grrrr I just want him to separate the discipline conversation from the any other conversation.

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Kenna's picture

Submitted by Kenna on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 5:59pm

GOOD QUESTION! She is actually moving out at the end of this month. BF let her live with us while she attends college. I finally convinced them both that adult children should NOT live at home, that she can't even begin to grow up (and she has a lot of that to do!) while living at home.

asheeha's picture

Submitted by asheeha on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 6:02pm

ugh...my sister moved out and then would get herself in a financial bind that my mom would always bail her out of! it was irritating! make sure you talk with dh about how you will handle her requests for money before she goes!

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 6:17pm

Its funny because my DH works 7 days a week probably 15 hours a day. He told me the other day I am the reason he doesn't get alone time with SD15. I mean please come and take her from me!! What the hell is he talking about?? He claims I would be mad. I would probably run around the house jumping for joy that shes gone for a little while. He is so delusional!! None of us get any "alone" time with him. When he is home sometimes on the weekends SD is out with her friends so how is that my fault!!

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 6:22pm

If she's attending (and doing well)college, then living at home should be an option.

I can't believe the number of young women (18-23) that come here to vent about the mess they find themselves in. The first thing I always think is where the hell are her parents??

I wonder how many young women who fall victim to dads looking for nannies they can sleep with, come from 18 and out homes.

Kenna's picture

Submitted by Kenna on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 6:31pm

Living with us was an option as long as she was doing good...however, her behavior is nowhere near 'good'. She lies, drinks and does drugs. All of these life choices are hers to make freely (in her own house). Then she started dragging our other teenage children into her messes (both his and mine). It was time for her to go! We didn't kick her out, just strongly encouraged her to spread her wings Smile As long as she is attending school (successfully) we will continue to help her financially (pay utilities etc.)

Superstopmommy's picture

Submitted by Superstopmommy on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 9:26am

Absolutely nothing wrong with 18 and out.. if that were the case, my DD would have been out 2 months into her senior year of high school.. now that is what a wonderful parent should do

I guess it depends on the child/adult relationship. I would not stand for a moocher to be under my roof especially one that slept all day..

If the child obeys the rules of the house, is in school, has a part time job, etc, I have no issue letting them continue to reside with me.. An 18 or 19 year old is still considered a dependant if in college, Parents can still claim them as a dependant on their taxes, etc. DD can come and go as she pleases since she lives on campus and is only home during the summer and breaks.

Kenna's picture

Submitted by Kenna on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 6:23pm

I have even tried to get him to set reminders on his cell phone to call or text them randomly to see how their day is going! But, I am still the bad guy...I wonder if this is just his way of saying that he doesn't want to be a better parent, that it's too hard for him?!?

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 7:33am

Oh Gawd, my kids couldn't WAIT to get out on thier own! And they had a pretty decent upbringing! The 2 older ones went to college at ages 17 and barely 18, full scholarships both. We help them out- but only because they help themselves. CTBB? Not fully independent until age 25, still mooching off enabling MIL to this day at age 32.. Which is my absolute pet peeve- a mooch. At least TRY to be independent.