Buying gifts for BM and vice versa
This topic came up the other day with BF and I wondered how others handled it. BF said SD was buying him a nice Christmas present and being that a 12yr old doesn't have any or much money, I assume that BM is paying for it, which is essentially BM buying a gift for BF. BF also said that, although the kids haven't asked him yet, he doesn't see a problem with him buying gifts for BM and just saying they are from the kids. He said even the courts agree as when they were getting divorced he had to go through a class and this was one of the topics they discussed.
Does anyone else do this?
When my DD was younger, she was expected to buy something with her own money and give it to me or her father. Even if it was just a $1 or $2 item they would have a day at school for the kids where they had a Christmas gift store that sold little cheap books and items that the kids could buy for like less than $5 for that purpose only. When my ex and I split, I never bought another gift for my ex and again, if DD wanted to buy him something she needed to get it. It's not the cost of the item, its the thought...even if that means making something because she didn't have any money...but it also taught her to save up a few dollars here and there from allowance or whatever money she got for gifts as that is what the responsible thing to do is and essentially what adults do by budgeting for Christmas.
Am I the only one who finds it weird and inappropriate to be buying your ex gifts? They say it's from the kids, but it still is essentially the money of the BM or BF that pays for it, the work that they do to earn it and obviously doesn't teach the kids anything.
- justthegirlfriend13's blog
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Comments
It is weird and
It is weird and inappropriate.
I don't think it ever crossed
I don't think it ever crossed our minds to buy BM a gift from SD. That's just a consequence of divorce.
To my knowledge, she never asked DH. SD had other relatives to help her if she wanted to get BM a Christmas present.
the children bought gifts for
the children bought gifts for bm but i would never lift a finger to buy one for her, let alone put my name to it.
Well....we are going to have
Well....we are going to have SD "buy" BM a gift. Yup, its weird but its to have SD feel good as a daughter.
Wish I could buy BM an appropriate gift for all the hell she has caused us....any suggestions?
Filled with smooth move
Filled with smooth move medicine. Make BM's bm's flow like a river. Lol
The Grand High Seahag
The Grand High Seahag occasionally tries to sink her nails back into SO...last year was one of those years. I believe the birth of our beautiful son helped with that, GHSH would've had more children, but her uterus up and escaped her body. MSH appeared with a gift for SO with no holiday in sight...in the form of a phone case (for a type of smart phone SO doesn't have) branded with a specific expensive IPA beer (which SO doesn't drink, but I do - and I used to keep it on hand until recently)...and a sliding bottle opener on the end. We think MSH saw this beer in our fridge and assumed it was SO's and told her mother...so she could buy one online for him. MSH is VERY involved when her mother gets on these kicks - they both text him incessantly and GHSH will try and get him to talk to her for hours about her personal life ie. family, work, dating. I think she wants him to remember their "good times" that never existed. I put a stop to that, he just ignores her - I end it. ...The useless phone case is in the trunk of the car. I used it over the summer once when we took DS to a mini tailgate and "forgot" to take it out.
I guess I am the Audity here
:O I guess I am the Audity here but. I have always bought gift for Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays for BD and his parent's, I just don't expect the favor to be returned. My BS is only 7, and so obviously doesn't have money but I want to teach him that it is better to give than to receive. I know that it may seem strange by your DH is correct. Parenting classes and courts look very favorably on that. I don't spend a extravagant amount of money but a little gift.
I never saw the big deal
I never saw the big deal about it, but then our BM isn't a psycho hose-beast either. I think (as with a lot of things) the "right" answer is different for everyone.
For myself, I figure BM's and BD's can help the kids buy for the other parent. However, if both BM and BD are remarried, then the step-parents can, if they want, take over.
*shrug* Either way, it's not a hill to die on for me.