Going for full custody- all gloves are off
Made the decision on Wed. after pretty much losing his sh!t, and briefly considered keeping YSS and not sending him back after spring break, that we are going for full custody. - If you didn't see my very brief post, there is no custody agreement. There is no divorce. He was divorced while deployed, that was thrown out thanks to the Soldiers and Sailors Act. But since a divorce decree was entered originally, Vital Records show him divorced, the Navy shows him divorced, but podunk Kansas does not. So... there we are.
This is a case of parental alienation at it's absolute finest. We have a lot going for us. He lived here for the 1st 8 years of his life, mom uprooted him and took him to KS 5 years ago. BM doesn't work and has no means to support him other than CS, since alimony is over as of March 1. He is in the 7th grade and reads at a 3rd grade level. The schools in the county do not pass the SOL requirements and fail to get funding every year. There are no real sports opportunities- SS is very athletic and lives for sports.
We live in one of the top 50 school districts in the country. Major sports and travel sports programs. Serious scouting opportunities. We both have great paying jobs, we have a home that is big enough for him to have his own room. We will be married as soon as the court declares SO divorced (we aren't into polygamy). Plus we have more proof than I can even explain of the blatant refusal to communicate, withholding medical information, preventing him from accessing medical information, lying about medical information- actually convincing YSS that he had a heart condition that he does not have, preventing him from accessing school records, preventing him for speaking to his son, refusing to allow visitation, lying about her residence, etc.
Since custody has never been established, we are praying that we have a shot. If nothing else we will wind up with reasonable visitation after all of this.
OH! SO made the decision that when YSS is here for spring break (the only week this year she is allowing) we are taking his phone. We will not respond to any communication from her for the week. He will not have access to his phone. SO is texting her when he gets off the plane - "YSS is here, he will see you when he sees you." and that is it for 8 days. Give her just a small taste of what he has been living with for 5 years. There is no court order so this doesn't violate a damn thing.
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I know that a lot of you and
I know that a lot of you and DHs decisions are being made in anger at the moment. But do you know the best way to alienate and piss off a 13 year old boy? Take his phone from him for a week.
How on earth did BM manage to move with the kids?
I have read your story and I get it. And I feel bad for your DH. But he needs to tread lightly with a 13 year old boy who is already slightly PASd.
This is what I would do if I was your DH. Once SS actually gets there he needs to tell him that he has been trying to get a hold of him ALL of the time and is not sure why he is not getting through. And that he is extremely glad he is here and this visit will be all about DH and SS having a grand ole time. And then DH needs to show him the time of his life. Make it fun. Make it about him. (yes, I know SMs across the world are popping a vein over what I just said. Lol) But if your DH really wants custody, he will have to have SS on board for it. And the best way, is to make it fun for him..…not take his life line away. (phone)
DH needs to not talk about BM. If SS says something like “BM said you would not call me.” DH just needs to say that is wrong and not sure why she said that but let talk about something fun. Just have DH redirect him every time. Do NOT make this visit about BM. You want SS to go home feeling relaxed and nice and at peace.
And good grief…don’t try to fix SS while he is there for a week. Don’t try to fix, his diet, clothes, hair, education, ect. Things like that can be fixed if DH gets custody…not in the 8 day visitation. This just needs to be a fun relaxing week for SS. No drama or DH will never get custody. JMHO
We don't "fix" anything and
We don't "fix" anything and we usually spend hundreds of dollars while he visits- Top Golf, Major league sports games, escape rooms, laser tag, paintball, movies, etc. It is all fun and all about him.
Honestly my kids get super jealous because while we do fun things regularly, we also try and make up for 6-8 months worth of stuff in one week with SS.
I have that very rule in my
I have that very rule in my house. If my kids don't answer the phone or call me back shortly, they get grounded. I pay for that phone to contact them, they better answer. Why would this be any different?
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Well because you are about to spend thousands of dollars to fight for full custody. If you take that boys phone or cut it off, he will never want to come live with his dad. And he is old enough that the courts will listen to his opinion on where he wants to live. They don’t have to take it but they will listen to it.
I get it…the boy is being a little turd…but since he is 13, you have to tread lightly if DH actually expects to get full custody. If he doesn’t, then he needs to go ahead and take the boys phone and ground him the week he is with you. And won’t this be the first time in a year or more that he has been there. Yea…he will not love going to your house if that happens. It sucks but it is what it is.
1st time in 7 months. So
1st time in 7 months. So yeah, he is going to be pissed. So maybe we just block BM from his phone then. He can call her but she can't call him?
Don't get in a tit for tat
Don't get in a tit for tat with the BM over the phone. It's going to be hard enough for you two to get more custody as your BF has waited (how many years??) to do anything about it without engaging in petty behavior. The kid isn't going to like having his third hand severed from his body and it's only going to add fuel to the fire where bm is concerned.
Your status in life isn’t
Your status in life isn’t going to trump the fact that dad has moved on before completely finalizing his marriage. It reads as though it’s not? Be careful what you wish for. You may get a jaded judge who throws the book at your SO, because of this alone.
Also, the family court system is pretty pro-BM, for the most part.
BM has shacked up as well
BM has shacked up as well since she can't live on her own, so that shouldn't be an issue.
And 5 years and having a divorce finalized and thrown out 2 years ago by this judge 2 years ago would lead me to believe that that isn't going to be an issue.
The message your So plans to
The message your So plans to send "he will see you when he sees you", is not a good idea. If your SO intends to take phone and send a text notifying BM, at least get his lawyer's advice on what he might say in the text.
The simple text you have stated is iffy. It could actually indicate Dad is kidnapping the child. Sound extreme? Sure, but no more than 'kid will see you when he sees you'. If nothing else you may find welfare checks at your front door all f-ing week kid is there.
I agree with Willow that this isn't all about Dad and BM. I've raised three young teenage boys. Stubborn defiant little critters. Your SO is in for a rude awakening if he believes he can just snag the kid's phone and not get some rebellious behavior and attitude from the kid. Some of these young teen males are the size of full grown men but still with the immaturity and common sense of a child.... they are nothing like a six year old throwing a temper tantrum.
Better yet:Phone calls will
Better yet:Phone calls will be answered at X PM on M-S for a 5 minute call. Texts will not be accepted as I am giving SS an electronics free holiday.
BTW, your story is almost word for word the same as mine with the exception of skid being athletic. All 3 of my skids are at least 4 years behind academically thanks to MOTY Girhippo.
That seems reasonable !
That seems reasonable !