Hi all, My last blog was almost 6 months ago...SS16 was having mental issues, blew my and DH's relationship issues in full force.

Status now: DH and I have been in counseling and working very hard at it. We are OK. Like a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10 OK. I don't feel like I want to run out of the marriage anymore. (at least not all the time) Our counselor specializes in step families and has been wonderful...he will definitely be a resource for the below situation you read about....

I had a come to Jesus talk with SD15 and basically said I will not depend on your dad with OUR relationship. We can handle our business and I have made a huge effort with her over the months...I even hug her when she comes to visit. Things are OK in our house when she is here.

SS16 is still somewhat estranged from DH and his family but occasionally makes an appearance at family functions. His mental issues are not being dealt with properly, he is failing school and has missed almost 30 days this year. We realize we cant do anything about all this but my DH still tries in small ways (like spoke with school and got him tutoring help once a week)

All in all, I have stepped back and let go of much of the frustration and anger I have had about the situation with his kids, I remember what I learned here and that I can not undo how his kids have been raised, I cannot change how he parents (or doesn't) or how he allows himself to be treated. Not my monkey, not my circus. I am nice and present when I need to be. Otherwise I try no to let it ruin my DH and I's days together and we have been trying really hard to make our marriage the priority and get on the same page.

here is the stunned, shocked and panic part:
BM cancer that she has been battling for the 2nd time since last summer has spread. To her brain. They are still trying to figure out the course for treatment but word is it doesn't look good. Like she may have months. I dont know if that means 3 or 12 but no one is saying "yeah, she will beat this"

There is a very real possibility that these two teenagers will have to come live with us. We live in another state from where they are now so leaving friends and school will be a factor. We KNOW they will not want to live with us. We want them to and think that is the best place for them. Maternal GM is in no shape to care for them and paternal GP's are up there in age as well...they all live near skids now.

Yes, I am freaking that this "insta-family" may become a reality and that my DH has an emotionally distant relationship with his kids now so how would that be with them here permanently BUT I also feel that if we can hang on and get through this ride we could provide a loving family life that they have never known (BM did all the typical stuff...free reign of kids, do whatever they want, PAS, etc....)

Has ANYONE out there ever suddenly had teenage skids come live with them full time due to death of BM?? my DH is so worried that forcing the kids to live with us will totally destroy his relationship with them BUT this isn't a decision for them. He is their parent and has been in their life. He isn't a deadbeat. If this were a nuclear family and he got a job transfer across the country no one would be acting like any of this is up for negotiation. They are going to hate it, we get it but he is their father and this is where they belong.