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Why does everything lead to DH bringing up my issues with his family?

Judester's picture

I am so fed up with DH.  If he has a question for me or if we disagree about doggone anything, he'll bring up his family and my issues with them up.  If I disagree with something, it's "you think you know everything just like you do with my family."  This morning I came out of the bedroom to get my lunch ready for work and he got an email that referenced me and he started yelling, "What is this?"  I said, "What is THIS? and why are you yelling? Being so loud first thing. I just came out here and have no idea what you're talking about?".  He immediately said "Oh now I'm yelling and being loud, just like my family, right?? Once again we are wrong and you are right."   "You and your family are loud and always have been.  I didn't cause that!!  What is going on??", was my reply.  He just kept being loud trying to tell me what the email said.

What in the world am I suppose to do but get mad and upset?  Why not just tell me what it is first?  And why bring them into it??

It ended up being a late post by a reporting company who is just fishing for information.  All was easily solved by ME at lunch.  It had nothing to do with his family.  How do I get him to stop doing this?  I want nothing to do with his family.  They are nothing but drama seeking liars and they live hundreds of miles away.  Why won't he just leave them out of our lives?  They do nothing for us. They don't contact him unless they want something.  It's always him reaching out to them and they can barely say HELLO back.  What is wrong with him? Where is his loyalty to me??

Please....any help would be great.  I'm at the end of my rope.

Thank you, 

Judy

Comments

ESMOD's picture

He obviously is defensive... and he is saying it to fight dirty.

I might just go right on with it.

"Oh.. if you want to know the truth? right now you are being like your loud obnoxious family.. and you are acting just like them.. quick to lose your temper with me when you blindside me out of the blue with some email Ihaven't even seen.  I suggest you Back the F up and rewind this in your mind and start again.. because I am NOT tolerating you being an Ahole to me because if you don't.. your lunch I'm no longer packing will be the least of your problems from me.

CLove's picture

Approach him gently on this, to find out why he is so freaking triggered. Then try to gently draw a firm line in the sand "hey stop with the whole your family my family thing. Now."

Judester's picture

DH refuse to speak to me and included our pets. The cats could care less but our dog walked up to him and whimpered. I firmly said "you can be mad at me but she did nothing to you or your family except be lovable. So whatever this is your doing needs to stop.  Nothing is going to get solved by not talking about it and if you want a divorce just tell me and I'll make it happen. If you don't than we need to have a calm conversation and come to an understanding."  Our conversation was not a quiet one but I do feel that he understood that they are at least 50% responsible for the issues we have. He doesn't have to say anything to them about being wrong but he needs to accept the bad side of them. They are far from angels.  He also needs to accept that I do not like being in the middle of this negative drama filled group. I will help in an emergency, I won't ignore them if they reach out but I prefer to keep my distance.  He must have went to work and thought about it because he came home with a much better attitude.