So, my boyfriend (we're not married, but are living together and have an infant son together) and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. When we met, his daughter was just 4 yrs old, and she was cute and sweet and funny. Now, two years and a VERY ugly custody battle later, she is 6 yrs old, manipulative, lies often and is disrespectful. We only have her every other weekend, and it has gotten to the point when I DREAD those weekends! Now, I was a teacher, and I taught elementary school for 8 years. I know the lies kids tell, and I know how they work you over! I also know the results of all different kinds of parenting styles. Unfortunately, many divorced parents feel guilty for putting their child through the separation and therefore cater to their every whim to compensate. This is the situation I'm in. Both her mother and father spoil her rotten. If she pouts, she gets her way. If she's told no, she'll keep asking until she gets her way. If she doesn't want to eat she'll make 50 excuses, put on an award winning performance at the dinner table to convince you she doesn't feel well, and eventually, she gets her way. I wonder what disease it is that causes you to only be full or feel sick before getting to your vegetables??

She has her daddy wrapped around her finger. The worst part is, he always starts off firm and tells her the 'right' answer. However, she will wear him down until he caves 97% of the time. In the past couple of months, she has started 'teaming up with him'. For example, the other night, he closed the trash can lid while my hand was in it by accident and she said, "Good one, Dad". Or, even worse than that, at lunch today, the baby was crying in his high chair and when I went to pick him up, she said, "He doesn't like you anymore. He only likes me and Daddy." What does her father say????? NOTHING!!!! Sometimes, he even laughs!

He doesn't make her clean up her room or bathroom (literally, when I went in there today, YESTERDAY'S bath water was still in the tub). Sometimes, he will tell her to do it, but when she asks him to help, she'll stand there and play while he does it all! EVERY meal is an argument, because she never wants whatever is healthy, so she will lie to get out of eating it. You would think he would have stopped this by now, but it still happens!!! EVERY DAY!!!!!

The interesting part is that while he is 'concerned about my relationship w/her', what he doesn't see is that she NEVER acts this way when it is just she and I. When he works on weekends we have her, she is very well behaved and is all around a good kid with me. I do arts and crafts with her, take her to places she likes, etc. I buy her clothes and shoes, and I did ALL of the Christmas shopping and wrapping. And she's great... when HE isn't around!!!! He thinks I am very negative around her! UH, because I want her to act appropriately, be responsible and respectful?? It's not like she doesn't know how to act! She is fine with just me!

He says things like 'I don't want to spend the little time I have her fighting with her' or 'I want her to have fun and be happy' or my favorite, 'I want to be her friend'. I explained that she needs a father and boundaries. I also told him that discipline doesn't have to be ugly or mean. It is supposed to be teaching your child to meet appropriate behavior expectations. I told him, you don't have to yell at her, but pulling her aside and saying something like, 'I asked you to stop running in the house, and you are still running. You need to sit down on the sofa and calm down. When I see you are able to act more calmly, you can get up.' It's just not that hard!

I have talked to him about this at least 5 times, and he blames me everytime... because she's only 6. What he can't understand is that my problem isn't with her....