You are here

I really was naive...

Jsmom's picture

I tried to disengage, but now it is probably too late. My SD14 decided that since she is now 14 she and mom have been researching for her to choose where she lives. There is a long story to this. I will try and be somewhat brief. She and her mom have been lying to my husband about several issues. Apparently she has been dating a boy for the last few months She has been told countless times no dating until 16. Mom told her to not tell her Dad. We found out and all hell has broken loose. She was with a friend for Spring Break and came home and told this to her Dad. She left this morning for school with a very full back pack. Today after school they would go to their moms for the 50/50 split. I don't think she has any intention of living here again. She is not back until next monday. My husband grounded her and wouldn't let her use the phone the rest of the weekend, for the original lie. Then to her room for being so mouthy about now being 14 and can decide where she lives. Has anyone heard of this that now because she is 14 the custody can be changed. DH is willing to fight this. He knows that if we leave her with the BM that she will not have any rules or guidance. The SK's of the BM have been expelled from the High School. This is not the environment she should be in full time.

I am just sick here from all of this. My DH is miserable, can't even talk to her. I told her yesterday in passing that I was disappointed she lied to me. She said she didn't care. I told her that was a shame. THat is it. One conversation all day except to ask for Cough Syrup because she didn't feel good. My DH had none. She is so sure she is 14 and that is some magical age. She wants to live with mom and for the first time just told him. She and mom have been talking all week. We are sure that they have been plotting this.

There is a lot more to this, but I am too busy to write. Let's just say that the BM SD17 passed out at the HS in January and was expelled. My son was dragged into it by my SS needing to talk to someone and asked him not to tell. It goes on that I after speaking to the BM 2 times in 5 years, went off and wrote a detailed letter. She went off because I indicated that I didn't want to communicate with her, but I wanted to tell her my feelings on her lies involving my child. DH read the letter and edited it. This is just escalating and DH and I have done nothing wrong except try to have rules. It is a bunch of bull that children crave rules and structure. Apparently not.

Comments

soverysad's picture

Start documenting BMs behavior, Sd's behavior and your discipline strategy / rules. At 14 kids can tell the judge where the WANT to live but if you and dh can prove that this desire is based solely on her not wanting rules / being bought with material items or lack of responsibility, the judge will likely rule for more stable environment. Don't let her CHOOSE without the judge's opinion.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

Jsmom's picture

I am starting to document it all now. But, all these issues are starting to blur together. Do the judges really look at these type of journal entries. I put the list of rules that we have in the house and the letter I wrote to the mom in a folder to give to the lawyer. If anyone has been through this, let me know if it is better for them to initiate or is it better for us???