Or, biodads feel guilty because they're not there all the time.

Not so they can actually parent, of course - they're thinking of all of the "Kodak Moments" they're missing out on.

I see it with DH and the dogs what he would be like as a full-time parent. He's oblivious to the constant need to train and reinforce good behavior. He's great at playing with them and falling asleep in the recliner with them, but who house-trained and crate-trained the puppy? Me. Who got them obedience trained? Me. Who makes sure they're not begging for people food and are well-mannered, off the furniture and not tearing crap up? Me.

He's a really good man, but really self-absorbed in his own activities - he expects everybody else to be just as much of a self-starter, and that doesn't work with a kid.

It seems to me that my DH feels guilty because his children are living with BM & he hates her. So I think he likes to one-up her....AND BM uses the CS$$ on herself & not the children too, so he likes to over compensate when they visit....

EXAMPLES:
1. "oh, your mother won't buy you skinny jeans? well here, let me!",
2. "your mother won't let you watch 'r' rated movies, why, here's our entire collection for you to have nightmares with",
3. "your mother won't let you stay up til 4am, here's some caffeine, stay up & tear the shit out of downstairs, your SM will clean up after you for a week"
4. "GASP! your mother makes you do chores? don't lift a finger the entire duration of your stay"
5. "your mother makes you take a shower when you smell like a rotting carcass? only take a shower if you feel like it while you're here"
6. "your mother doesn't buy you whatever video game you want because it's not age-appropriate? well here, buy the most expensive & vulgar one the store has available"

GRRRR

My SD11 lives with us full-time. She has always lived with her father from birth. She has only phone contact with her BM and no visitation. He was with BM for a VERY short period of time when she gave him the joyful news...not! DH is a wonderful father, I know that he hates everything to do with BM. He doesn't treat SD differently, although his parents do.

He said recently that he doesn't want children, well he said before we were married that he would have another child with me, if he would have said no then I would have left a long time ago. It really hurts me so deeply that I have been SD's mother for over 4 years while her BM does nothing, pays no support and has the ability to be a "mother" and the ability to lead her own life and do anything she wants. On the other hand I'm at home attempting to be a mother for a child not even mine and get attitude.

Why would DH tell me that he doesn't want another child??? I feel that maybe he wants his kid to be the only child to make up for having a horrible BM...they'll do things and deliberately exclude me, again to put him on the pedestal and make him look great...they take sides against me, why I'm on your team I'm not the enemy???

My DH feels guilty because he can't stand SS either and he feels like it should be easier for him then me because it is his child.........it's not. So DH withdrawls when SS is here, he says he has tried everything and nothing works so he doesn't know what to do, but he won't give up any time because its his son and he should be here. Now SS comes, DH withdrawls and them I am left to do all the care for him. I have to beg and yell to get DH to do things alone with SS because he never wants to because its hard. He will do things with our daughter no problem and without me ever asking because she is here all the time and they are bonded and she is an easy kid. Its like our daughter and SS have completly different dads.

I am so sick of that "Myyyyy husband was tricked by an evil harpie into having his multiple children" bs. You know what, he had a baby with another woman, and maybe he regrets it, but that doesn't make it all her fault.

I hate the she tricked me lie. How do you use the same lie to explain having several kids with the same BM?

DF used the tricked and forced to marry BM lie when we first met. I went off. Now he says the marriage was a mistake. Tricked lie is dead

Well, lol, in my case-the bm accidentally got pregnant even though she swore had just finished her pd and they were fine...we've been using that method for years now w/no incidents.

OH...and she DID trick him-there's a test to prove so...so evil harpie DID trick him and he at 18 a young scared kid married her thinking he was doign the right thing but wondering how she really got preggos to begin with. Not till recently did he find out it was all a lie.

And YES_as the OP says-that is EXACTLY his position, he probably wishes it never existed to begin with, he doesn't want to deal with her or the ex-in reality he should never have to, but he feels bad about it and overcompensates at times. Or more like doesn't really even care to deal with it I guess.

My DH's issue is that he has no contact with his child; his child is a dealer and addict. He despises BM with every fiber of his being and regrets that they were ever together. He has guilt because he also feels like life would be easier if SS was never born, he regrets a child with this woman and knows how wrong it is to regret your child. Especially when he knows he does love him and was close at one point.

We have a 2 yr old together and I think he feels guilty that his youngest son will experience a happy, stable home - whereas his oldest did not get that opportunity. He is torn on so many issues, and I feel bad for him as I know how hard his position is, BUT.............

I do not feel bad for him on the other hand because BM was 10 yrs. older than he when they met and she had a 6 month old boy (product of 1 night stand). She was looking for a daddy for her baby.....in walks my Moron to save the day. ALL THE SIGNS were there when they met and he knew she had a 6 mo old by another man. Was not thinking with the proper head....

SD was an "accident", so DH definitely overcompensates with her. He says he asked for a divorce, and then BM got pregnant-Ummmmm, dumbass, if you wanted a divorce, you shouldn't have been having sex with her!!!!!

Someone CAN be tricked. Here's how.

You and idiot have problems, you try to work on them...that's what we are TAUGHT do to. You sleep with the idiot. She says she's on birth control, she's not. She has kid #1. Guess what? I have a friend whose WIFE called me after he left her...she told him come back so we can talk. He wanted no part of it. He had his family, as well as hers and friends on his butt about it. He went back and tried to give it a chance. She told him she was on BC...guess what? MY FRIEND CALLED ME, YES, HIS WIFE and told me specifically "he's back and I want a baby...I told him I was still on BC, but I am NOT...and I am NOT going to tell him because I want him to stay around and we WILL have a baby". Yes, I recall telling her "are you out of your mind?" Needless to say, not 6 weeks went by and she called to tell us "she was pregnant!" He's still with her. After she was preggo, he tried to leave yet again...she said and again, called ME and told me "if he leaves me I will take him for everything he has...I made him sell his apt and things and everything in our house I bought before we married...so it's all mine...he won't have a pot to pi#$%#$5 on...he's not going anywhere". Guess what? They are still together and he knows he just has to put up with it until the kid is 18 or he WILL be in the streets with a crazy and vindictive ex and not being able to see his kid. So yes, it DOES happen.

As far as I am concerned, having sex with someone is a CHOICE. Unless he was raped, he knew the risks.

Dear lord, people have SEX. For PLEASURE. And NOT always want a child with it....and there is nothing wrong with that, we are human and it's how God made us.

We don't just reproduce like animals. We have sex for pleasure. Sometimes it's with the wrong players. It happens. People sleep w/people all the time they dont' want to have children with or marry even.

It's always a risk-but many of risks are taken in the name of pleasure. No need to attack people for it. People screw up...sometimes it's done purposely and w/deceit and i think that is disgraceful...it is also disgraceful to blame someone who in their mind was taking precautions and was having sex for pleasure (I know an unheard of concept for some of certain political side of the fence)he/she shouldn't be thrown that line of 'well he wasn't raped'...that' just so narrow minded honestly.

YES, entrapment from BOTH parties can happen, male and female...and then you have the nasty bitches that throw paternity fraud in the mix.

No such bigger piece of shit on earth I think then those monsters.