DEALING WITH 9yr old SKID!!
For the most part, my relationship with my fiancé is wonderful. However, he has a 9 year old son that drives me a freaking wall. He lives with us 24/7 365. I have never been a big kid fan to begin with, but I have began to really hate this child. Anytime that the child goes and stays at a friend's house or his grandmother's I am in heaven. I do not have any children of my own nor do I ever want them! According to other people "he is just a kid" and that a lot of his behavior is normal. Well I am a firm believer in discipline and respect! I can just see him, or hear his voice and it just puts me in an instant bad mood. I spend most of my time secluded in my bedroom. I hate that I can't just spend time with my fiancé and be happy no matter what the situation is. In a perfect world, it would be me and my fiancé with no kids. I was aware of the fact he had kids when we got together and me and the 9yr old use to get along great and I would take him to go shopping and do all sorts of stuff while his dad was at work. IDK what has happened but now it is to the point where I really don't want to get married, and its all because of the 9yr old. I love my fiancé, but the thought of dealing with the 9yr old for the rest of my life with the way he acts now, isn't something that i want! Surprisingly, the kid loves me to death, always tells people how great i am to him, and all the stuff i get for him, and how he wishes i was his mommy. Yes, he misbehaves and throws his little fits when he doesn't get his way, and is very mouthy! I do everything in the world for this kid, and yet i absolutely can't stand him! PLEASE, ANYONE, I NEED ADVICE!!!
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You say you're a firm
You say you're a firm believer in discipline and respect -how does your fiance feel about discipline and respect?
When fiance's son misbehaves and throws a fit, what does his father do about it?
Your fiance's son sounds like my exBF's son. He was super lovey dovey, wanted to call me mom, etc. But he was a spoiled brat that did not know how to share. When I would mention these issues with his dad, his dad would get defensive and make excuses for his son, saying I was "singling his son out". Well, sorry to single him out but that's what happens if your kid is the only one acting up!
Well, to begin with when his
Well, to begin with when his son starting acting up, i wouldn't say anything and wait to see what his dad would do about it. Well when nothing got done about it, then I would do something about it. We all live together, and have been for the past 3 years. I financially support the family and provide over 75%. If I am going to be there, and be the "mom", and support this child, i have every right to discipline him. My fiancé agrees with me on this matter, but there are a lot of parental issues that we do not see eye to eye on. I am MUCH stricter than what he his and will allow him to get away with a lot more because "he is just a kid". I say that's horse crap! I am tired of allowing a 9yr old to run my house! I have seen a large improvement from where he was 3 yrs ago to now. Even people that know him, say WOW he is nothing like he used to be and its all because i am there setting guidelines. Someone said that i was "mean" to him because i got onto him for not doing his homework before he started playing the xbox. I said NO, i am not mean, i am strict, and there are guidelines. I am sorry that i am not going to take sh!t from a child. I know a lot of it has to do with that i don't have any children of my own, but a lot has to do with the fact that his dad has been a single parent for a long time, and that the grandmother has allowed the child to get away with murder while his dad was at work. He is a SPOILED BRAT, and very manipulative. Everytime I say NO to something, he will go to his dad and says yes. It has gotten to the point where i have completely cut him off as far as buying him anything unnecessary. He has more than enough stuff, and is ungrateful for what he does have. Deep down, i really want to get rid of this anger that i have for the child, because he doesn't have that same anger toward me, but he DRIVES ME UP A WALL over 75% of the time!
>>Everytime I say NO to
>>Everytime I say NO to something, he will go to his dad and says yes<<
The problem is not the boy, the problem is your fiance.
You are annoyed because you are doing all the heavy lifting that your Fiance should be doing. On top of that, fiance is undoing all the work you've already done by saying yes when he should be backing you up and saying No.
Parenting disagreements are the cause of divorce even in unblended families. The two of you can not co-parent his son effectively and if the two of you decide to have children together you will run into the same problems again.
Things are not going to get better.
Really? You do not like kids
Really? You do not like kids and you want to marry a man with one? Do yourself, your fiance and this boy a favor and leave. If you can't take it now getting married isn't going to make it any better.
What does your BF do when the
What does your BF do when the kid is acting out?
It sounds like the problem is more with your BF's parenting than it is with the child.
Does your BF discipline him when he mouths off to you or has a temper tantrum?
Sometimes we tend to make the skid the problem, when in reality it's the parent.
I also have no children and married a man with a kid. It's the most difficult thing I've done and my marriage is close to ending because of the way my H has always treated me.
If you aren't fond of children and you dislike this child, I recommend you reconsider this relationship. This is your BF's child and he will be around the rest of his life.
I have thought about leaving
I have thought about leaving on numerous occasions. However, I love my BF more than anything, and I realize that most of the problem is myself, and not having a tolerance for kids. I haven't always disliked kids as much as I do now. My SS9 and I used to get along great and he would get so jealous of his dad and always wanted to be right next to me. I don't feel as though the behavior issues that I am dealing with aren't something that can't be corrected. I want to take babysteps before I just say the hell with everything and end our relationship. Like I said, I have seen a huge improvement from where he was 3 yrs ago behavior wise, to what it is now. I feel like most of them are my own "demons" that I need to deal with in order to be able to be happy in this relationship.
I haven't been married for
I haven't been married for long and I am already regreting it because of the skids, I have read here that things just get harder as they grow and I can totally see it. My best advise to you is to be brutally honest with yourself and decide if you are going to be able to handle life as it is for ever, you are still on good time... just don't sign that marriage certificate if you are going to be miserable. I wish I hadn't done it.
Everyone comes into
Everyone comes into relationships with baggage. You have baggage, I have baggage ... everyone has something they carry over from past experiences.
Your fiancee's baggage is his son. And yes, you know he has this child and yes you are living with them which makes moving on even harder.But for the kid's benefit he will not be 9 forever. He will get older and better. OK he will get worse for a while but then better.
But are you willing to accept this child as part of your fiancee's baggage? Look we would all love the perfect man. My perfect man yells at the TV, has a heart condition, screams at football to much he loses his voice for a week (I am NOT KIDDING!). I love him to bits and if only he had a normal heart and if only he would stop yelling at the news or football my life would be fine. There are some things we cannot change. So you can either accept it for what it is or move on.
You have to be honest with yourself and your fiancee and his son. It seems this boy likes you a lot and leaving them both will do some damage to him. My kids still like the woman who was their father's girlfriend for 3 years after he left me. When he dumped her they were so angry with him. So leaving them will be hard.
I didn't hold strong opinions about people living together. But now if you have kids you HAVE to be careful about it. VERY careful. My grand daughter's dad was living with a woman and her 2 kids for 2 years. He insisted she call his gfs daughters her 'sisters'. What does that do to a little girl calling a non relative 'sister' and then the parents of these kids break up and G/Daughter no longer sees her 'sisters'?
And in your case you will leave a huge hole in this boys life. Is there a way you can see him as a nephew or young cousin rather than a parental role?
In the end you have to be honest with yourself or you will die a slow death inside as you fake it and not make it. Ans allow this man and his son to maybe find someone who is not quite so repelled by kids.