Wow I never imagined I could find a place where other SMs felt the same way I do and go through some of the same BS as I do. Awhile ago I felt like a complete bitch for wanting to disengage with my skids because of the lack of parenting on DH part, for feeling like I will never love adult skids the same as my own (how could I when they barely speak to me FFS), for feeling like an outsider when we all hang out together, I felt like it was something I was doing (wasn't trying hard enough,etc).
Now I've realized sometimes there is nothing more to give and its not going to change. They were raised by their pyschotic, meddling, bipolar(off meds)mother and at their ages, 25, 23, 22 they probably will never change their ways with me, or the way they treat DH like crap, their BM has set them up for they way they act and the decisions they make.
Disengaging is hard work I must say but I do feel more at ease with my situation since doing so. You guys have taught me to focus on my relationship with DH and my DD, and try not to worry about anything else unless it directly affects our home.
I could care less if they never visit, take advantage of DH (he lets them-so be it), got pregnant at 17 and pretend they are adults, when in reality they act like they are 15.
I am relieved to hear about all the stories on here describing kids that seem to think they are entitled to be supported by their parents and dont have to work for anything in their damn lives, I honestly never knew there were so many kids like that out there.
I love my DH more than anything, he is wonderful to me and my DD, I would never let these issues with the kids break up my marriage (maybe cuz they are older and dont live with us-the only way they affect us right now is financially at times), but I am learning how hard it is to try and build relationships with adult skids, its also hard to disengage and try to get over the fact that at times my DH has no balls when it comes to his kids, its so hard to hold my tongue, I want to scream "you keep giving they keep taking they always will)
We have a wonderful relationship in every aspect except when it comes to the decisions he makes regarding his kids. When I bring up the fact that he diciplines my DD more than he does his own, I get so tired of hearing "well DD lives here with us, they dont, they were raised by their mom, what can I do about it?" Um yeah what kind of excuses are those? You want to do something about it, DO IT! end of story
Sometimes everything is just so frustrating so I am glad I found somewhere to vent and read about other issues people are having that are similar to my own.

I never thought blending families would be easy, but darn I didnt think it would turn out like me feeling like an outsider. I am now accepting that it will not be the way I planned, which is fine, as long as I can keep my marriage strong.