No control
The biggest source of frustration for me is that I have no control over anything with SS(11). Everything about the way our family functions has been turned upside down, but I have no say, no input, no control over him or BM on things that directly impact my life.
- I have no control over SS’s behavior at all. He doesn’t listen. He’s oblivious to anything. Punishments, consequences, talking to him, nothing works. He does whatever he wants and there’s no way to get him to do anything.
- I have no control over how BM raised SS.
- I have no control over the custody situation or the circumstances that caused SS living with us full time and his BM leaving the country.
- I have no control over what may happen in the future with the custody situation, no control over BM deciding if she might seek full custody or if she might decide to let DH raise SS alone. Our family will be drastically impacted depending on what she decides, but I have no say at all.
- I have no control over what SS does at school or in public and how he is constantly embarrassing us. I’ve lived in this community my whole life, my mom is a teacher. If Child Welfare is called because of SS’s antics that makes my family look bad, not just DH.
- I have no control over how SS is impact my kids and how his behavior might rub off on them and I’m scared he might do something to them.
How can I continue to live like this? One of the reasons I was drawn to disengaging is it gave me some control over what has been happening, but it only effects how how I’m acting and reacting. I have even less control over what is going on with SS since I’m continuing to try to maintain “not my kid, not my problem”. I don’t want him here. I want him gone. But he could end up living with us full time for the next 6+ years.
- Invisible Woman's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
(No subject)
DH has given my authority to
DH has given my authority to discipline SS. He's 100% supportive, but SS doesn't listen to either of us. He's just as disrespectful to his dad. DH is just as frustrated as I am.
SS won't do chores, he won't do basic things like showering. He doesn't do anything and DH's only option is dragging him into the bathroom and turning the shower on.
I can't control what he does around my kids at all. Nothing stops him from doing whatever he wants. We can't take things away from him since as soon as we try to use something as motivation, he doesn't want it any more. He doesn't want to play video games. He doesn't want to go to movies. He doesn't want to do anything.
Saying that I won't be disrespected doesn't work when there's no way to punish him for being disrespectful or not doing what he's told. There's no way to make him miserable or I would be trying to do it. He's oblvious to everything. He's content to just do nothing in his room.
If you tell him to do something he acts like he hasn't heard you and walks away.
It's not just depression. It's ODD. He won't let us tell him what to do at all. He'll go without things he likes before letting us us it to control him.
I've been thinking about
I've been thinking about packing up my kids and going to stay with my parents. But I think if I did, DH would join me and just let SS stay at the house alone.
I don't know how DH could manage raising his son alone with the hours he works and the amount he has to travel. Even he would admit he doesn't like SS. The boy is antisocial and crazy.
If we could, we'd send him off to BM but that's not an option and he doesn't want to go to live in a foreign country. But he doesn't want to live here either.