I'm shaking as I write this
I'm afraid to even post this because he might see it. I was looking for a confirmation for a bill on his email and found an email from a mutual friend. DH had sent him a copy of a previous post I had made here. This friend of ours said that I have major control issues and that DH needs to find an attorney and start the divorce proceedings. OMG!
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dh didn't do the right thing.
dh didn't do the right thing. you will! tell him what you found and talk about it. he should have confronted you directly if it bothered him.
if he leaves you over this then he would have left you over anything he disagreed with!
Take 1/2 of the money first
Take 1/2 of the money first then have the talk.
^^ I agree. Get your shit in
The problem is, there is no
The problem is, there is no money. Right now there is $13.00 in our checking. We do have savings - but our counselor said it was a good idea to put both our names on it, so one of us couldn't get money out with the others knowledge.
I honestly don't know what to do. This person was supposed to be my friend too. He officiated our wedding. I don't understand how things can be that bad, and yet, last night, we were intimate, and we talked about things and how we need to let go of the past to be able to move on with our marriage. Is he faking all of this? Does he really want a divorce? What sucks is that even with all of his faults, I do love him. In that email, the friend said there is no love in our marriage. If that's true, has he been lying to me all this time?
I am sobbing as I write this. I hate my life...but I can't imagine my life without him.
THIS - call the counselor and
THIS - call the counselor and get the advice on how to handle this. Perhaps a session with the counselor and your DH and yourself is in order to bring this up and deal with it.
So you were on here venting
So you were on here venting and talking about how you feel, which should be private, instead of stewing over your problems you have been discussing them with like minded people, hmm sounds sensible to me so far, dh then proceeds to look at your private communication's and then emails it to a friend who then criticises you and see's fit to give your husband marital advice, what an idiot he is, if my bf did that his balls would be hanging off my lampshade, if this is typical behavior for him then maybe divorce is a good thing, do not apologise to him, you have done nothing wrong, this is an invasion of privacy and I would be furious.
He already emailed both
He already emailed both counselors - he told me that...once again another trust issue. Our marital counselor will not talk to one of us without the other - we had boundary issues with our last counselor...she & DH emailed and spoke frequently, and I wasn't comfortable with that. Our SF counselor's reply seemed fair, and she told him some things that he needs to do. We see her next week. I don't know what to do...he's going to be home soon, and he's going to be able to tell that I've been crying (still am) and that I'm upset about something. What do I say?
agreed!
agreed!
Yep, truth is best, but like
Yep, truth is best, but like I said get you stuff in order in case you are leaving/ or he is.
When did he send this email
When did he send this email to the friend? Is it something he would've just been upset about & has gotten over? Not suggesting what he did was right, even a little bit, but is it something maybe he just did in the heat of the moment?
Yeah, I would have been
Yeah, I would have been pissed that he emailed to a mutual friend. In fact, that's what I tell dh is one of the reasons I come here. I do NOT want to involve our mutual friends, families into these issues as people ARE prone to take sides and so forth. I dont want anyone IRL to change their perception of my dh because I happen to be pissy at him at the time and paint the worst possible picture of him. Then I get over it the next day, but their perception of him is forever altered.
So I prefer to talk to you neutral parties. Ha! You guys really arent neutral-pretty much always on my side, but sometimes you just need that.
I would just talk to your dh, tell what you found, state how you feel and leave it at that. I do think your "mutual friend" is not really a mutual friend and I'd dump his ass asap. If one of my friends IRL told me she was having marital problems I would encourage her to work it out, see a counselor, whatnot-not tell her to get a divorce lawywer and talk smack about her spouse.
Did you write something
Did you write something really bad about him or his kids?
if you can look for
if you can look for sthomas3372 posts. there should be a post about my husband is an a**hole. I was pissed because he again violated a trust issue. I was venting - was really upset. I have since changed my username because I am afraid of him finding it again.
I wonder has this friend
I wonder has this friend something to gain by you divorcing your husband? It seems a bit strange to me, perhaps hubby has been whining about you and now this friend has decided to take it upon himself to punish you?
I say listen to your gut.
I say listen to your gut. Your insides ALWAYS try to tell you what to do, but we just don't listen to them until AFTER our brain has talked us out of what our gut is telling us!
So, of course, being the
So, of course, being the chicken I am, I didn't bring it up to DH for 2 reasons. 1. I got busted about 2 months ago for reading his texts and his emails (I have major trust issues with him - no wonder) He would never believe I just came upon that email - he would say I was snooping (as would our counselor) - He's so big into giving people the benefit of the doubt - but with this, I wouldn't get it - no way 2. I ended up getting into it with SD about flipping out on BD about not answering the phone.
Here's a question - this "friend" manages our portfolio. He has access to all of my stocks & bonds and does all that stuff because I don't know how to do it. He also has access to DH stuff too. I told DH that I wanted to get him out of the loop - my excuse was that he sends daily emails (which he does) to let us know if our stuff went up or down. I never did want to watch it that closely. DH said that was fine - just ask him for my passwords...so I said - do you want me to get yours too? to which he replied, I don't have a problem with "friend" doing my portfolio for me. I asked him why he wanted to keep his separate...he said he didn't understand the question. Is there something I'm missing? What do I tell DH about why I want "friend" out of this? After that nasty email he sent DH about me - I wonder if he'd transfer my money into DH account or something to get me for everything that's going on.
I guess in my own defense, I
I guess in my own defense, I have taken some the advice you all have given me and tried to talk to him. I either get the "I don't understand the question" or "where did you get this from"? Bookishworm - if you remember, one of my very first posts was actually read by him, so let me tell you...we talked then. I heard for days about how you all are poisoning my mind and that I make myself look so good and so hurt to all of you...but you all don't know anything about him.
In the past, I have talked to him...or I've tried...once the skids names come up, he completely shuts off and the conversation becomes combative. I am stuck - financially dependent on DH, have no friends where we live and have no connections to the outside world - except to you all.