Negotiating with a Terrorist
SK is scheduled to fly to us this week for Christmas Break. We have 1st half this year.
The flight is scheduled for the middle of predicted blizzard. The forecaster recommended if traveling to try to leave day the day before.
DH changed the flight to the same one a day earlier.
BM won't budge all day back and forth with emails due to visit with the grandma scheduled and sport planned.
Suddenly she comes up with she can make it happen now IF DH cuts his 6 week Summer down to 4 weeks.
She pretending it's to have SK train for same sport during Summer. Sighhhhhhhhh DH and SK already planned to train together.
Long Distance visitations are already so limited - she's disgusting.
Just had to vent . Very cliff note version but she sucks and I loathe her.
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It is unbelievable how these BM's refuse to put their kids first
It is unbelievable how these BM's refuse to put their kids needs first. How the weather is going to affect holiday travel has been all over the news - your DH is trying to do the safest thing and her refusal makes no sense. I loathe her as well!
If there is a manipulative side in the blended family equation,
it takes firm enforcement of the long distance visitation schedule with zero deviation from the CO to manage.
We were the CP household and the SpermClan had 7wks of long distance visitation per year from when SS-30 was 2yo until he turned 18. 5Wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring.
As the CP household it was no skin off of our noses to tell the SpermClan no to any extension or change of schedule and put his ass on the plane as scheduled or we would have SS picked up by my FIL with esort by the police or sheriff. My DW's BFF's father was first the chief of police in their small town then county sheriff when he retired from the PD. He hated the SpermIdiot so getting a uniformed officer in a patrol car to help pick up SS was a matter of a quick phone call.
If they refused visitation, fine. But they put SS on the plane on time or they suffered.
Firm boundaries work.
Good luck.
Opposite case
In this case the one who has the authority to say "no to any extension or change of schedule and put his ass on the plane as scheduled" IS the side of the family not looking out for SK. With weather predicted to be horrible it makes sense to put the kid on the plane one day early. But of course in their mind their time with Grandma etc is more important, and if the weather is bad and they get to keep SK for an extra day or three, they'd be just as happy.
Sucks all the way around. Christmas brings out the best in some and the worst in others. But in a situation when both sides of the family really want SK as much possible, both sides will think they're in the right.
Absolutely the kid's safety is paramount.
How old is the Skid? My SS flew as an unaccompanied minor from about 5yo, whatever the youngest age that service was available from the airlines. We checked him in, they tagged him with the big unaccompanied kid badge tag around his neck, we walked him to the gate and checked him in with the flight crew. We paid ~$60 on our end to get him to SpermLand, they paid the unaccompanied minor fee for his return home after visitation.
The airlines would not allow unaccompanined minors on last flights of the day nor if there was a high risk of weather cancelations. SS started flying on his own accord without us paying the unaccompanied minor fee when he was about 14. He did sleep through a flight departure when he fell asleep at the gate. That was an abject lesson to him as he called us all upset and we told him to figure it out. He had been flying for his entire life. We asked him a few guiding questions, he worked with the airlines service team to get his flights rebooked, and he slept in the airport over night. He had plenty of money and his debit card that we could move money to if needed..
There was a summer where SS's
There was a summer where SS's flight was cancelled on the trip home and rescheduled for the next day. BM tried to make DH DRIVE 21 hrs to bring SS back to her vs. just waiting until the next day. It was the stupidest thing I ever heard. She was in this manic crazed panic over a single day delay.
I feel your pain in all this. It doesn't matter that for the safety of their kid, hoping that he doesn't get stuck at a layover and have to spend the night alone, that you can just move it 1 day. Nope, that would mean they are "giving something up". Sure, dad only get's 7-8 out of 52 weeks in a year, but 7 weeks and one day is just TOO MUCH!
Our BM once informed DH that
Our BM once informed DH that SS had a sport try-out during our visitation. BM demanded that DH either drive SS back to BMs for the tryout and then back to our house to continue visitation (8 hours roundtrip) or BM would pick SS up to take him to the tryout and we would just lose the remaining 1.5 weeks of our visitation. DH tried to negotiate that he would take SS to the tryout if BM did the driving at the start and end of our visitation, since normally each parent does one leg of driving. Ultimately, the tryout was rescheduled but BM really expected DH to either make the 8 hour trip for an elementary school athletic tryout or lose a week and a half of visitation. Insane.
We had the opposite situation.
The SpermClan would frequently claim a canceled flight, or missed flight due to traffic, or.........
We did not tolerate it. We had FIL, escorted by either the police or sheriff, pick up SS and get him to the airport. Never did we have to wait an extra day. They claimed they could not get another flight for a day or two, we had one booked in minutes for the same day.
The SpermClan cried that we were mean and unreasonable. We called them out as the liars that they are.
Sure, sometimes shit happens and plans are overcome by events. In those situations reasonableness should prevail. As it should have in your stated situation. BM in your case was an idiot. In ours, SpermGrandHag was a manipulative lying harpy and we destroyed her by having law enforcement pick up SS at their home in front of all of their neighbors or at their church, or ... at family reunions, etc.... She never asked, she just manipulated them tried to play the poor sad victimized Grandma card.
Did you know the sheriff
Did you know the sheriff personally? In most cases, police won't enforce a CO. They tell you to go to family court and just leave the child with whoever won't give them up.
Not me. But DW did.
Her childhood/HS BFF's dad was the Chief of Police in their small town. When he retired from the PD, he was elected County Sheriff.
The LEOs did not pick up SS. FIL did. The LEOs were there to motivate compliance and minimize drama. The SpermClan could be loud and volatile.
The Chief/Sheriff hates the SpermIdiot. Due to the Spermidiot's history of statutory rape of countless 16yos all through his 20s and into his 30s. Including my DW and the Chief/Sheriff's daughter. I am sure the Spermidiot's life is much less traumatic now that the Chief/Sheriff has retired.
I feel this in my core.
I feel this in my core. Luckily, we only live 4 hours away/8 hours roundtrip from SS10, so we just drive, but we are also on a long distance visitation schedule that equates to roughly 6 weeks per year - 2 two week blocks in the summer, alternating spring break and Thanksgiving break, half of Christmas break, and one long weekend.
Our BM is constantly trying to renegotiate our already limited visitation for sports, of which, SS is enrolled year round so our parenting time literally always interferes with something. We always say "No" or negotiate for makeup time but BM always fights so damn hard and the verbal and emotional abuse is insane.
These women have these kids majority of the year; our BM has 46 out of 52 weeks (308 days). IMO they can reschedule the visit with Grandma and the kid can miss one sport event. But NOOO, everything is sacred and MUST happen with these BMs despite what our DH's continually miss out on. Makes my blood boil.
A few years ago, during our court battle, we made a plan to take SS to Disney for Christmas. Everything was confirmed with BM in April since we needed to pick him up a few hours earlier than the CO outlined. Then, after Thanksgiving, BM changed her mind, claiming that SS had a Christmas party to go to on the day of pickup. Our lawyers tried to settle it, BM refused to sign the order, and we had to go to court for an emergency injunction. The judge allowed SS to attend half the Christmas party. BM later emailed DH the address for the party for pickup - it was at her GF's work... It was literally an adult work party that they made SS sit at just to delay our trip. Oh we were pissed.
Two years ago, SS was visiting us during a blizzard. BM was supposed to come pick SS up but told us she might have had to reconsider due to roads. We were thrilled at the prospect of an extra day or two. The news called travel "impossible." Instead of giving DH and extra day or two and driving when it was safe, BM told DH that she wouldn't allow DH to have SS for another minute and she risked the 8 hours roundtrip to get SS. Instead of the normal 4 hours, it took BM 7.5 hours to get home and SS said the roads were really scary and they couldn't see anything. All so BM could have SS back and ensure that DH didn't get a second more.
IMO, a relationship with the other parent is far more important than any routine family visit, sporting event, school event, etc.