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Step mother..

hollymlogston's picture

Submitted by hollymlogston on Sun, 12/02/2012 - 2:36am

I have two step daughters which are 8 and 4. They live 5hours from my husband an I. He doesn't get them hardly at all because of their mother(she makes things very complicated). He gets them maybe once a month. I told him just last night how I felt about everything with them. I feel alienated, ignored, disrespected, hated and the list goes on and on. Whenever they are here for a weekend they are by him constantly, like to the point that I can't sit near him or lay with him on the couch without one of them crying or climbing all over me to get to him and eventually I just get up and go to the other room or leave. I love them, I don't want bad things for them. I have took them places, I have done things with them and done things for them and nothing seems good enough. They were for a whole month this summer and I was the one who basically took care of them because my husband works nights and he sleeps all day. So I would take them to the babysitters.. Go to work.. Pick them up.. Feed them.. Get them ready for bed.. Then he would wake up. I know they crave his attention cause they don't see him often but I crave his attention too. We are both so frustrated over this and he tells me he don't know what to do and I don't either. I can't help how I feel. I've read on some other columns that 70% of second marriages fail because of step children. I don't know how true this is its just what I read earlier. That really scares me cause I love my husband with all my heart and we get along great. When his kids are here we are fighting and bickering and arguing constantly! Please HELP!

Comments

AngeLily's picture

Submitted by AngeLily on Sun, 12/02/2012 - 3:53am

First, one of the best things I did when yss was going to be with us and dh was going to be at work, was tell him to schedule time off. If it's possible, I would suggest that for sure. Second, that may help with some of the other feelings. But if not, the second thing I did was not be there and do something for me (now I am at work when he's there) and third, date dh. Make sure you're spending time as a couple, even if its just watching a movie or going for a walk or dinner or a candlelight dinner at home. Make time for each other and that feeling isn't so strong when he is with the kids. MOST important, keep your communication open. Marriage dies when people are not working TOGETHER towards happiness. There are always bumps and sometimes potholes the size of a Buick, but as long as you are trying to get through it together, it doesn't seem so hard.

rt_jenn's picture

Submitted by rt_jenn on Sun, 12/02/2012 - 4:16pm

So I think maybe what they are feeling is not only jealous, but maybe left out and confused as well. They don't get to see their dad much and when they do this new woman is always there. Have ya'll ever sat them down and explained (in a reasoably kid friendly way) what is going on? They are still quite young and may just be confused about your role is in this new family. My soon to be step kiddos did the same thing in the beginning, I found it helpful to let them in on what was going on and how a step family is very normal. And that no one can replace the love their dad has for them. They have come around pretty nicley, but thigs still come up. Also it does sound like dad is working a little too much when he just gets them once a month. Maybe you can schedule them some special father daughter time, and then some special you them time. I hope this helps a little sf's are soooo complicated!