Wedding is officially off
I AM DONE.
The final insult to my relationship came in the form of wanting to talk about Myrtle Beach last night while I was reading in bed.. (read my past posts to get caught up on this epic battle). I looked at DH and said "I am not discussing this."
Well, this morning I got ready for work as usual and I keep getting the "what's wrong" from DH - as if he didn't know! That just pisses me off even more when he does that.. he wants me to bring it up and be the one to start the fight - no way mister..
So I get in the car and drive to work.. phone rings and it's him.. "Can't we just talk about this? We need to discuss it."
I fire back "nah.. just talk it over with your kids and let me know where I need to be and when.. I might show up. Oh, and make sure the place meets all their standards - on the beach, plenty to do, TV's in every room, a pool, a hot tub, waves.. make sure the ocean has waves, and make sure they have something to do all day so that they don't get bored." "Oh, and tell them not to worry - we aren't getting married in Myrtle Beach."
Yes, I am fully aware I am now in psycho bitch mode.. I am pissed. My dress is now on Ebay (if you are planning on getting married - its a stunner and I'll cut you a deal)..
DH says "we can talk about this tonight." Nope.. I'm not discussing it. He already has made up his mind on the change of venue - minus discussions with me or the "family"..
I'm not going to a place I don't want to for a week with people whom I have now come to resent.. why do that to myself and my daughter?
I will be taking that trip to Florida.. with my daughter and possibly one of her friends and her mom..
You know.. we can't win, us step parents.. we just can't. I thought my DH might have been the exception to the rule, but I was wrong..
Bravo!! At least you figured
Bravo!! At least you figured it out before the wedding!
I don't know what it is, maybe guilt, but the strongest DH turn into spineless wimps when it comes to having to disappoint their offspring.
Ugh.. thank you. And I
Ugh.. thank you.
And I know.. I can tolerate the occasional giving in to the skids from time to time.. I get that and we always work through it.
But this? Our wedding? You gotta be freaking kidding me.
It was the last straw for me.. now he keeps trying to talk it out and I'm like "no, not discussing it." Too bad for him.. he made his bed and now he and the skids can sleep in it.
love this post - read mine
love this post - read mine its simalar lol - fab good for you love it
I'm so very sorry it came to
I'm so very sorry it came to this honey. I truly applaud you for standing up for yourself and making your happiness a priority.
I'm furious and happy for you all at once. Mad because he's going to allow his children to dictate his relationship with you and happy that you didn't do as many of us did and married him only to realize later that it may have not been the best choice. Not speaking about myself, I'm VERY happy with DH - but some things I read here -wow.
So what happens now?
Thanks. It all really sucks.
Thanks.
It all really sucks. I'm hurt and pissed..
I'm not sure.. this weekend has been awkward so far.. usually our kid free weekends are just amazing.. and last night I watched tv and read a book.. then fell asleep.
We haven't battled it out yet.. I think he believes I'll give in and want to do the wedding anyways in Myrtle Beach. Have fun with that dream - it isn't happening.
I really don't want to discuss this with him. He showed me what his priorites are and clearly "us" isn't one of them. So, fine, he made up his mind and that's all there is to it. I don't care if he does a 180 and says "you were right.. we should go to Florida".. nope, the damage is done and this is one time too many he has shit on us for them. I will give him credit - all of that bs did end for about 6 months.. now we are right back where we started and I'm not living like that.
Sorry again stepmomsoon - but
Sorry again stepmomsoon - but you're being VERY smart about this. VERY SMART INDEED
Sorry I had to be the bearer
Sorry I had to be the bearer of that bad revelation to you sweetie. But I only speak the truth.
WOW.. just WOW!! I guess
WOW.. just WOW!! I guess all DH's are guilty of this one, huh?
I absolutely hate this.. its so wrong and the DH's just are oblivious.
As I posted yesterday this
As I posted yesterday this was a question of whether this was about you two getting married or the stepshits having a vacation.
Since he decided that the stepshits having a vacation was the primary objective there is no reason to marry him. And plenty of reasons NOT to marry him.
What an asshole!!!!
The vacation was indeed the
The vacation was indeed the priority - not our wedding. That's fine.. I stopped wearing my ring and the dress in on ebay.
Ditto what oldone says! Wise
Ditto what oldone says!
Wise move!
I have completely shut down.
I have completely shut down. I really can't say if we are done or not.. the hurt and anger are too fresh for me to process it all. Knee jerk reaction is yes, I am done and it's over.
I read your post and I just
I read your post and I just want to jump on s
A plane, take you to a day spa, drink with you and forget the shithead.
Wishing I was near you!
Awwwe.. thank you. I could
Awwwe.. thank you.
I could use a spa day for sure
As someone that has walked
As someone that has walked away a week before signing a marriage license with a man that has a similar mindset- good for you. They never change and they will be the first to tell you that.
I keep being reminded of this quote:" When someone shows you who they are you better believe them" Maya Angelou. So true in my case and your case.
You are not his priority and focus and he does not need to tell you that - you feel it and he shows it to you with his actions.
You are strong and have your head on your shoulders and you know you deserve better and I applaud your courage to walk away with dignity and self - respect.
Love and nurture yourself and your children and know that this is for the better.
Much love your way!
I know u must be hurting
I know u must be hurting right now.. we don't forget overnight .. but know that "this too shall pass" and walking away now is avoiding you a bunch of premature wrinkles!! Lol!!
I'm in the same boat.. tired and fed up with being treated like crap because of SD.
I've made up my mind and I'll be leaving DH in 3 weeks when my son finishes school. I'm done with being a slave for him and SD.. just tonight he yelled at me in front of her again.. and I can't say anything back to him. Otherwise it will be a full night of arguments. I'm done. I'm tired. I'd rather be alone than to be this miserable.
Wish we could all get together and have a girls night out! We would sure have lots to talk about!
Hang in there.. everything will be all right!
I am hurting. I expect these
I am hurting.
I expect these kind of things, from time to time, on smaller issues.. that's the price you pay as a step parent.
This wasn't a small thing.. this was our wedding.
The more I look at it the more I realize I was just railroaded by the skids and DH..
Yes, leaving is the best option - really the only option. It's sad that all we are asking for is respect and some type of acknowledgement of equality and we get the stiff arm when we ask for it. Or in my case the middle finger.
I've told DH the wedding won't happen - not now and definitely not on the vacation that is catered all around him and his kids.. the one I more than likely won't even go to.
Yes, a girls night out would be fabulous, wouldn't it...? A bunch or jaded step moms drinking themselves happy.. lol
It is good that you gained
It is good that you gained clarity before you got papers with this guy. I wish my road whore of an XW would have given me a heads up on her true character before we married. Fortunately we had no children and other than a few years of dealing with a house we purchased together we had no baggage to connect us following our divorce.
I did figure it out when I met my second wife. We put each other first. So far it has worked for nearly 19 years or marriage.
I am sorry that your almost FDH was found so lacking in character. In any marriage, the marriage has to come first. Before kids (bio or step), before extended family, before everything else.
Anything else is a recipe for divorce. IMHO of course.
Enjoy your trip to Fla with your kid and friends.
Sincerely,
Thanks.. I am glad I gained
Thanks.. I am glad I gained clarity.. even if it is extremely painful.
Looking back.. I didn't ask for much.. thankfully so, because I didn't get much either.
I told him I am not getting
I told him I am not getting married in MB. He just really had this dumbfounded look on his face like "huh".. and then "why?"
I explained to him how this is no longer our wedding and how it has now become all about vacation.. and I really don't want to get married in front of 100's of people on some public beach.. I am not that kind of center stage person.. plus I don't like MB.. and if I'm getting married, then it's going to be where I like.
He still does not get it.
Just last night he was trying to get me to look at wedding packages in MB..
Sorry.. sent before I
Sorry.. sent before I finished..
I just turned the other way and started talking to my daughter about a cool idea on Pinterest..
I am not discussing it with him. Nope. If he wants a wedding at this point, he's gonna have to, hell.. I have no clue... I really don't know what he could do to fix this.
I really don't want to discuss it with him. I just get more pissed at how badly I was screwed over.
I guess I will just sit back and wait.. not like I really care about the outcome at this point.
Isn't that sad? A wedding I was once so happy about, I could now care less about...
You have your answer. Even if
You have your answer. Even if he changes it to be everything you could dream of... I personally would wonder if its done just to pacify, because you have indeed seen his true character now. I guess I wouldn't be able to trust him to not just go back to catering to the skids non stop - but that is how I am, once I am broken like that, I don't recover easily.
I guess if you love the man, and you think you want a relationship despite all of this, one of the things that I have read here before and wished I knew before I got married into this mess is that at the time when we got engaged, I saw the problems but I decided to turn the other cheek which was bad. I thought my life with DH couldn't move on or forward if we didn't get married.
I was wrong.
I wish I had kept my house, I wish he'd have stayed in his own place. I wish we'd not gotten married when we did but lived apart and stayed that way much much longer. Not saying I wouldn't have ever married him, but we shouldn't have moved in and tried to blend when we did, I have 2 kids, he has 2 kids and a spiteful BM - in hindsight, I think we'd have been much less painful if we'd maintained dating or whatever you want to call it and not tried to blend.
Is that even something you want? Do you want anything with this man now? Do not marry until you are certain. That much I can tell you.
That's mentally where I am..
That's mentally where I am.. I really am exhausted and I just don't know how to feel or what to think.
I am hurt, pissed, resentful.. any negative emotion you could imagine..
I really don't know.
Wish you luck in whatever you
Wish you luck in whatever you decide!
"I get this... my DH makes
"I get this... my DH makes plans then I 'find out' and he looks at me with this blank look... you know the old saying about easier to ask for forgivness than permission... that's the way it is in our house... it is easier (on DH) to do what he wants (give $$ to his ADULT kids usually, promise that he will do such-and-such for them, etc) and if I by chance find out, well, then I get the excuse of how hard it is to talk to me, how I am not understanding, how it is HARD TO TELL ME THE TRUTH because of how I react (I react to LIES)..."
Yes, that's how it is here too. OH makes his plans and decisions, and if I happen to find out about something the lie by omission is MY fault because he can't talk to me... because of how I react.
Yes, he did.. and he got
Yes, he did.. and he got pissed. He's like "so we aren't engaged?"
I told him "we were engaged and were planning a wedding - then you changed that wedding to a family vacation"..
He argued "we can still get married in MB."
Oh honey.. don't do me any favors "we can STILL get married?" How about I want to get married!
I sent him an email yesterday - basically blowing his ass out of the water and telling him flat out that he mentally and emotionally bailed on me with regards to the wedding 2 months ago - first when his ex wifey dropped the bomb that she was relocating out of state and they needed to figure out who the kids were living with and oh by the way.. I'm moving as soon as school lets out. I literally heard the brakes slam on regarding planning our wedding.. he began bitching about attorney fees and this whole situation took center stage. I saw the writing on the wall then.. and truthfully, I think the wenchbag biomom did this on purpose because she hates me and you should have seen the nasty email she sent him the night she found out we got engaged..
Then he had his little chat with the step-asses about a month ago and that completely caused him to do a 180 on the location of our wedding/vacation..
So, I knew our wedding wasn't a priority because he was talking about everything else but the wedding.. our wedding is an afterthought.. an, "oh if we can squeeze it in, I'll accomodate it."
He replied that he was sorry and really wants to get married - that he was overwhelmed.. blah blah blah..
On one hand, I kind of get that.. on the other, well, nah. If you truly love someone and the thought of marrying them makes you happy and get butterflies in your belly then you know what - you make it a priority and you make it happen.
It's all still up in the air. He is sending me links about wedding venues, wants to go look at bands for him.. all of a sudden he's all about it. Why? because I bitched and put it right in his face what an ass he was being or because he gets it and wants to make it right or because he just wants to shut me up?
Wish I would have found this
Wish I would have found this site a week ago. I feel like stepmomsoon is my "twin life" right now.
I went through with the marriage last week (I did manage to convince him to elope though to steer clear of the misery of the skids and exwife). This week we are talking divorce, as we didn't qualify for an annulment.
How embarrassed I am that I went through with it now, and will look like a sad fool to everyone who is gushing over our ceremony/photos now. Although my gut told me it might be a bad idea, I clung to those few months of "seeming" changes" in attitude that he was dealing with his kids not liking me in the picture (in the form of acceptance, not liking it).
Then he spent the week crying/whining about "how ever would he break the news to his sons and exwife and this was going to really upset them". It took him 3 days to tell the ex wife. Then she didn't want him to tell the kids (kids are 21 and 8 btw). It took 5 days to get his nerve to tell the 21 yr old, We married a week ago and he hasn't told the 8 yr old. Him and the BM felt the "kids" were having issues and it was not a good time. When I asked what those issues were that would prevent him from disclosing that we married (after being together/living together 3.5 years), he said that one had failed a drug screen and the younger one was being picked on at school last week - so it was bad timing. (????) I don't know whether to laugh or beat him over the head with something. I became so angry that I took a "vacation" to see family 4 days after the ceremony because I can barely stand being in the same house with him. Now we are fighting and he is planning to geta storage unit tonight and his Mother (whom he already told) is helping him find a place to move (it was my house we were living in).
He thinks I'm "too sensitive" about his kids not liking me, yet I was upset because he was literally crying and depressed during our 3 day elopement over "how to break the news". I cannot express how hurt and damaged I feel right now.
Sorry for venting that. I have not told my family or friends yet. I hate to be a crier, so I been holding it all inside for now.
I hope for the best for you, Stepmomsoon!
Good grief! The man sounds
Good grief! The man sounds like a spineless guttersnake! I wouldn't give hi the tme of day after this!! "too sensitive" my eye!! He is being a weak jellyfish to his kids and is teaching them all the wrong lessons!! Way to show them how to support your partner! Way to show them how to commit to a relationship!
3 DAYS to tell his x-wife? WTF?? This idiot should NOT have gotten married.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this - please stay strong and remember this - the best revenge is success!! Let the twit go and you focus on being the very best you can in your new freedom!!