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Introduced by a friend....here goes it...get ready!!

hkblanchard's picture

Submitted by hkblanchard on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 2:29pm

My husband and I have been together for almost 2 years, but have only been married for 2 months. He has a 3 year old (almost 4 year old from a previos marriage). Things have been great to say the least, I met the little one at a "young age", so I figured this might not be a nightmare, and honestly, it hasn't. I love the kid,from what I am told not like I would love my own, but that is neither here nor there. I try my best to go above and beyond for him. I want him to have the most "normal" life possible, seeing as this divorce wasn't his fault. (I guess I relate, because my parents divorced when I was real young, and I hated going to my dad's and my step mom was the worst) Maybe I am overcompensating, but who knows? Anyway, because of my husband's work schedule, my SS is basically my responsibility. I wake him up, get him dressed, take him to daycare, pick him up from daycare, feed and bathe him, when dad's not home I entertain him. I always try to make sure he has the best of the best, and in down time when DH isn't home, I plan fun events for us. Today my DH gets a call from BM to let him know that SS has been saying that I am telling him that she (BM) will be mad at him (SS) for whatever reason under the son. Apparently in their eyes, I tell him all kinds of things, but they "can't remember" what was said. BM also told DH that SS's teacher said there is a HUGE difference in him on days that he is with us vs days he is with her. REALLY?!?!?! YOU NEVER HAVE HIM!! He's always at your mom's or sister's or somewhere. BUT she isn't stupid, we have him on this 3-1-3 schedule that all of a sudden is no longer working because she KNOWS if we want, we can take her to court to remove CS, which we have NEVER threatened to do!! I am just so so sooooooo frustrated because I do EVERYTHING for this kid...I treat him and look after him like he's my own...I sacrifice so he can have....DH has called the school and spoke with the teacher...she told him that is not the case...there is no difference when he is with us or with her...he just becomes a little whiny when he doesn't get his way. I need advice!! I am sooo upset that after all I do, I am the evil one, and I will because I am not his mom or dad, I am just this other person in his life...and no I am not obessed with trying to be his mother...I just don't want to be the bad guy...I know this sounds horrible, but after today, I don't even want to look at him or talk to him (my SS) I am not going to fight with a 3 YEAR OLD!! That is horrible I know, but if he (even though he is young) is going to voice lies (whether BM is putting that in his head of not) I don't even want to associate with him.

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hkblanchard's picture

Submitted by hkblanchard on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 2:54pm

I can ONLY imagine what is going to be said in the future!! He's THREE!!! I know she is bitter because he moved on...and I know that she can't live without her CS...so she is going to hold that kid over my husband's head until he caves.

hkblanchard's picture

Submitted by hkblanchard on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 3:36pm

I really hope that this is the case...I hate the thought of my husband's heart getting broken over a choice he made years ago...it would kill him if his kid was turned against him. I have just always been told to never get overly involved because they will "use" you and use that against you. I tried and tried to be civil, and in all actuality, I am still being civil, but enough is enough...I don't want to ever hear from or see her again...if she needs something, she better call DH because I am washing my hands, and he will not be as easy to work with. He would love nothing more than to watch her eat crow!

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 3:24pm

Well, you know at 3, it has got to be the BM either putting words in his mouth or just totally making it up.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 3:28pm

OH... we have SOOOO been there! BM used to tell DH that SS said ALLLL kinds of things that were well beyond his vocabulary abilities when he was younger. Some of it was just so comical, all DH would do is laugh at her, and tell her that he doesn't believe her. What else can you do? Nothing in the CS says we can't call her out on her lies. Wink

hkblanchard's picture

Submitted by hkblanchard on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 3:40pm

haha!! You are soooo right!! I suppose I just take to much pride in being that other adult role model in his life...I don't want to be alienated because truth is...I bust my ass for that kid!!! I don't have any kids of my own. I don't think it's fair, that either of them (SS/or BM) have the right to make me the bad guy after all that I do.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 3:48pm

You are right. It isn't fair. But this is a wretched, spiteful, immature BM we are talking about here. And assuming that she will do the "right thing" for her kid will make an "ASS out of U and ME". Just won't happen.

My SS is now almost 9. I have just held my head high. Told my DH "of COURSE that didn't happen, please". And loved my SS the only way I know how, with ALL of my heart. And today, SS loves me to pieces. And we have heard it all from "BSgoin's daughter is touching SS in inappropriate ways" to "BSgoin is SPANKING SS". Whatever... none of it is true, and SS is growing in to quite the exceptional young man, no thanks to BM. He is a good boy, that knows which side his bread is buttered on Wink He loves me, because I didn't give up, I didn't give in, and I have never failed him.