so ss14 is still not back in school
I believe this is his 8th day out. We still dont know what happened. We do know he was bullying another child (as the parent came to our house to complain), we know his locker was searched at school, and we know my dd15 heard a rumor that they found drugs in his locker and was sent home.
I have no idea if he is out for the semester, two weeks, forever, is in juvenile detention, if mil withdrew him and is taking him to another school. Nothing. This not knowing is causing me some anxiety.
I feel like dh needs to know what is happening. If he's been kicked out or whatnot, then, IMO, its something dh should know and he should probably have some sort of discussion with bm to see if there are any other options here. ( I know our house is not an option, but maybe hers would be. Or maybe she has some relative lurking that would take him as he is obviously not successful in mil's environment). Or if he has entered the juvenile justice systme, Imo this is something dh needs to know about. He remains ss's legal guardian. he has full custody of the kid.
I told dh this morning that he probably out to try and find out. I think the best bet is just to call the school and ask. SS has already told dh that he is no longer his father. MIL of course does not speak to dh for "ratting" on sil. So just call the damn school and find out what has happened. Then theres another little voice inside my head that is saying "shut the hell up. Stay disengaged."
I would be happy to know he was suspended. That would keep him away from my daughter who I was worried about having class with him. So that would be awesome. However, it brings in a whole new set of worries because if he is allowed to return next year then he will be class with my ds13 whom ss has always enjoyed physically bullying, verbally abusing, and threatening. The stuff he does to my dd is more underhanded. I just want to be prepared. If he is coming back next year I want to be on top of things so perhaps I can prevent him from being in classes with any of my kids. Also just have a feeling that we are going to get a call from a police officer, probation officer, some sort of authority on this kid. I dont like surprises.
Should I encourage dh to find out what is going on or leave it alone?
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why isnt DH wondering, its
why isnt DH wondering, its not your kid its his...Id leave it alone esp since it has been weeks and DH still hasnt inquired.
Yep^^^ SS isn't in your home
Yep^^^
SS isn't in your home & your DH can't worry himself to keep up with what's happening with his kid, let it go. You can't make him care.
I dont believe that it's not
I dont believe that it's not that he cant keep up with worrying or that he doesnt care. For one thing, the only way I know how much school he's missed is because my dd tells me. She usually doesnt volunteer this stuff to dh as she is never sure whether it will upset him. I knew the day his locker was searched and he was sent home because she told me that day. And I passed it on to dh. I had actually assumed he went back to school the next day-until last Wednesday after my dd had a plethora of pain meds in the er and she told us that ss hadnt ever come back to school-she then shook her finger at us and said, "you know what that means". She was high as a kite.
So I asked her later after she came back down to earth and she confirmed. I happened to ask her yesterday again if he had returned and she said no.
I do believe there is an element of fear involved. Fear as to what he might have been doing. If he is expelled and then dh feeling as if he needs to intervene and do something. And not knowing what to do.
If DH is SS legal guardian,
If DH is SS legal guardian, he should most certainly be encouraged to find out what is going on with this kid. He should be able to go to the school and find out exactly what happened. I wouldn't even mess around with trying to get the "real" story from ILs... I'd go straight to the school.
I agree it would be pointless
I agree it would be pointless to go to mil. She is not speaking to dh. So to even get her on the phone would be a miracle-if he did she would simply lie or at the very least severly sugarcoat things. Same situation with ss. If dh could get him on the phone, it is very very unlikely that the kid would actually tell him what happened.