I am glad you responded. Have you ever confronted your dh's toxic family members? I absolutely get what you are saying-if i roll around in the mud I'm not going to stay clean. It is a fine line I believe- I have now said a lot of what I have wanted to say for many years so, yes I am done. I do need to block him. Actually I did that right away after he sent dh the first message, then unblocked him when I found out about him on the kids pics. My intent was to leave a brief message telling him to stay away and then reblock him- unfortunately I found that you have to wait a whole 48 hours before blocking someone again! Lol!

He responded to my brief message so I responded back and we went on from there. I certainly have no thoughts that anything I would say would change their way of thinking. I found it all very interesting, honestly. I truly have had limited contact with these people. When we attended family gatherings they didn't really say anything to me beyond, hi, how are you- so I've guessed at the way they think all these years and dh has told me things they've said, but its just not the same as actually hearing it from their own mouths. Nothing he said bothered me or hurt my feelings- I do lead a really boring life, I don't do bad things, I feel very confident that ss being out of my home and my life was the only decision I could make in the best interest of MY children. No regrets. So there's not a whole lot of stuff he can say, except dumb stuff like mil is a better mother than me.

I do feel like I got to him though. I brought out some BIG guns and used them. I feel somewhat bad about that from a Christian perspective, as again I always try to the right thing- but at the same time I console myself with the fact that I didn't say any untruths, I didn't call names, or curse- but simply called him out on his behaviors- which are very ugly.

He has been blocked from my kids facebook for over a year now- I defriended him at the same time but never blocked him I guess. I will be able to do so tonight and plan on it.

Yes I agree this is the root of the issue. Not concern for ss, but just pissy because he's inconvenienced. I must add that we are quite certain he spends very little time tending to ss in any manner. Not really any actual parenting going on in general. Dh's va money is directly deposited into mils account and we cover all his medical care-so financially they are not providing for him. He has another grandchild living in the home as well as his 32year old son. He fully financially supports both of them. At least ss is bringing in income for them.

Can we get him committed ? No. It is really hard to find long term care for anyone in this day and age. We did look into some therapeutic boarding schools. They all w anted 30000 a year and he had 4 more years til he was 18 at that point. We can't really do a short term hospitalization as we could not really report any day to day behaviors that make him a current threat to anyone. When he turns 16 there are a couple places that may open up as possibilities. One is the job corp- and there is another facility here that takes kids for free when they are failing the public school system both academically and behaviorally (which he definitely is)- but not until age 16.

I don't think they can stop dh from sending him somewhere. He still has full custody