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Can I just say my ss14 is an asshole?

hismineandours's picture

Just wanted to put that out there. Nothing particularly dramatic has occurred-he's just an asshole. Every day. He's not traumatized, depressed, suffering from an adjustment period. He's just straight up asshole. In fact, I think they should make a whole new diagnostic category called "asshole" and his picture should be by it. He wont follow even simple basic rules (such as hey, you cant go in that room), he feels he must YELL every single freaking day of his life-continously, he always feels as if he is the victim and people (all people) are constantly getting more or better than him or that he has to work harder than everyone else (a ridiculous thought). If this kid would even respect me and my rules 10% of the time I would consider this a victory. He's not allowed in the basement-he will go in the basement at least 15 times a day. I've told all my kids that they will not have dishes (which they hate) as a chore anymore if they all can put their dish in the dishwasher whenever they dirty one. Amazingly all are capable except ss-who has been reminded several times yet has not put one dirty dish in the dishwasher as of yet. I tell him he's not allowed to throw everyones wet laundry from the dryer just because he decides he feels like doing his laundry so he waits 5 minutes til I walk away and then does it anyway. I tell him he has to keep the dogs in their kennel. He will let them out 4-5 times a day. I tell him he cant eat something-he goes in and eats it anyway. It's just so constant that I have no liking for the kid at all.

Sad really. He has done some really BIG things to me and mine as well-but when he actually exerts some effort into behaving himself he can be "ok". In fact we had a 2 week period where it was quite apparent that he was trying to get along with everyone and do well-during that period I made the kid a scrapbook for his bday. I've not even been able to give it to him as by the time I got done he has turned to pure asshole.

I dont even feel it is a parenting issue at this point, or bm's fault, it's just this kid's personality.

Any of the rest of you have any skidholes?

Comments

magnummom's picture

This is my son. I have been hard on my son through his life because he's always been in trouble. No matter how much I try to teach him, ground him, yell at him, take things away, ground him, even took him to a jail for a tour and told him this is where he's going to end up, he STILL does what ever the hell he wants.

hismineandours's picture

Yes. Exactly. This is where dh is at. SS will do something yet again and we just kind of look at each other and say "what do you want to do?". "IDK, we need to do something" "It's not going to help" "I know but we need to do something". We just had this one last night after dh discoverd some of his pipe tobacco missing which adds up with the lighter and paraphanilia he found during the weekend. I also just called and said I saw online where ss got yet another disciplinary action. Sigh. I have no doubt the kid will end up in jail, he has even acknowledged that he will probably end up there. but, I've said since this kid was like 6 that he simply does whatever he wants. Occassionally he WANTS to behave and do the right things. But most often he just doesnt feel like it. It's very disheartening to realize that your parenting has almost 0 impact. At this point, I feel like we give him consequences to make MY kids feel better and send them the message of what not to do. SS is a lost cause.

3familiesIn1's picture

This is my brother. SIGH. He is family but if I met him as a person on the street - I think he is my definition of an asshole.

We were brought up the same, only 2 years apart - but when I go back to visit, 3 days of listening to him, he is an ass.

Kes's picture

This is my younger SD15. Everything she says is either bragging, or posturing, or pretentious crap. Every word she utters grates on me like chalk screeching down a blackboard. She has many, many other revolting qualities, but this is the worst.

DaizyDuke's picture

My SS13 is a skidhole in disguise. He was caught shoplifting at 12, smoking pot at 12, dresses and acts (when not around DH) like a white gang banga wanna be, talks smack on FB (which he knows DH will never see), was calling a girl a slut and whore at age 10 (in a text message, that I saw- not DH)and I could go on. Now when he is around DH, he acts all polite and respectful and never talks back or anything like that.. so DH always seems "stunned" when he hears of SS doing something shitty. Puleasseee DH, open your eyes.

But I refuse to be THAT wife, who is always running and tattling on skids.... if DH chooses to not monitor their FB, text messages, friends, etc. that is his problem. The ONE time that I DID tell DH about the text message where SS (who was 10 at the time) told a girl she was a slut and a whore, he actually told me I should have showed it to him.. I said "Are you calling me a liar? Are you saying I just made this shit up?" DH says "Oh, no!, I just wish you would have showed me and I would have reemed his ass" Whatever.

hismineandours's picture

Your skidhole sounds alot like mine with the pot smoking and such. He also used to try and disguise his assholishness around dh, or people like MY parents, or inlaws. However, as he's gotten older he's really just seemed to let his asshole flag fly. My mil, herself, called the sweet little darling an asshole to my dh. In fact, she almost quoted me (not that I'd ever said it to her). "He's just an asshole. All the time". LOL!

My dad picked him up from detention the other day-he called me later and told me he did not want to pick him up anymore. He only spent 15 minutes around him, but in that time, ss hung out my dad's truck window and called some other kids some names, and then bitched at my kids and complained about MY DAD the whole ride home. WTF, kid? This man just picked you up from your detention, you know the one you got because you are bad. You are 14 and weigh 85 pounds soaking wet and you are calling kids twice the size of you names out a window, AND you are bitching about the person nice enough to pick your happy ass up.

I hate to admit it as it makes us all sound mean-but the kid didnt even have a birthday. We did buy him a bike. But no cake. Not one other person got him anything. Not inlaws, not his bm, not his other grandparents. He was to have a little party, but he couldnt shut his mouth long enough to earn it.

Eagle Eye's picture

My SS14 is an A$$hole no doubt!! He is a know-it-all so bad that I about refuse to even talk to him ever!! He will embellish everything that comes out of his mouth. I don't know why and I find it extremely annoying as does DH but DH has to talk to him. }:)

I find that I can barely stand the sight of him! I cherish the days he isn't at our house!!

DH was in Army but SS14 knows so much more about the Army to the point that if DH is talking about it SS will interrupt to tell DH he is wrong. :?

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

Both of them are pretty much assholes ALL the time. My bio's can be assholes sometimes too but they aren't nearly as obnoxious and disrespectful as skids are.

thelaststraw's picture

Hate to one up ya, but I've been bitching about my SS13 since he was 12!

Granted he had some bad stuff happen to him, but at the same time, he's been given everything he has wanted. And how does he respond? By being a Skidhole.

He's a complete and utter tool.

frustrated-mom's picture

I totally agree. Stop making excuses for these brats and making up mental illnesses they can’t prove. I hate how as soon as you send these brats to therapy or counseling, they get labels that no longer makes them responsible for their behavior. All the excuses do is make these assholes not responsible for their actions and give them a free pass to be disrespectful jerks.

There’s an attitude with these types of brats to make bad situations miserable for everyone. Heck, I didn’t want SD15 to live with us any more than she did. She could have made the best of it but instead made it unbearable for everyone. She didn’t want to get along and made due with what life gave her but instead make everyone as miserable as she was.

So, yes, asshole is a good label for people like this.

hismineandours's picture

Ha! It's so funny. I called my dh at home a few minutes ago and casually asked what the kids were doing. He didnt list ss, so I asked what he was up to and his response was, "He's just an asshole!" So I guess it really is unanimous. I guess my dh asked him about the detention he got and ss's response to that was "OHMIGOD!" like dh was being ridiculous for daring to ask about his child's detention. But, you know what, that's ok ss-we've got an appt tonight with the doctor to dope you up on some MORE meds-by the time we are done with you you wont be saying boo!

Raisin's picture

We have one too. SS13 constantly interrupts & corrects us both. We moved to another country 3mths ago and on his first visit he was telling me I went the wrong way. Sorry SS I prefer to follow the navmans directions. He is so annoying, thinks he knows it all but really knows nothing.
I've heard DH telling him he is an asshole after some especially poor behaviour.