Thanks everyone,

I have spoken to DH about it - He's sad for me, he know's he is to blame, and he has apologized. Has he tried harder? Has he stepped it up? Has he stopped coddling this 8 year old toddler he has? No.. which makes me wonder if he ever tried in the first place. He hasn't 'tried' in my opinion. Not like I have tried. I said to him, "This may come as a shock to you, but I have to force myself to like your kid every day".. He didn't respond, maybe he's thinking. At this point however his apology is almost like a slap in the face, and I'd rather he didn't.

(b) Dad is married. She had none of her own bio children though (although they now have one together who is only 6mos old). I know he has issues with his SMother, but to be fair to her I think it's partly because she is the strict one, and his Dad isn't... that is how it was when we were married, I was the strict one as he did nothing. It's just more relaxing at his Dad's house. Way less drama, and his Dad would be really hurt if my son decided to come live with me. I'm really hurt, but I don't let my son see this, his Dad would. My BS and I are closer than him and his dad, sometimes it's easier to hurt those that are closest to you I suppose.

What really bothers me too is that I'm not an idiot. I didn't plan on ever having rainbows and sunshine in my little blended family, but I DID expect us to be a family. I DID expect that our future would be calm and good. I DID expect that my DH have or form some sort of friendship with my son, and all that is kiboshed now (spelling?)... so... it's just very hard for me to look forward and see what that's going to look like. I remember when I was first a single mother. The days without my son were dreadful, but I got used to seeing him every second week, and I'd email him and phone him on the weeks he wasn't with me, but to now think there may be a possibility of seeing him only EOW or something like that, it actually makes me sick to my stomach. On top of that, knowing that I still have to see that little Shithead SS every other week will be a constant reminder to me that my son is not here because of him. And I cannot see how I'm going to move past them (DH and SS) not being as miserable as me when my BS is not home. If they are laughing and carrying on like they normally do I know I'm going to rage inside, and I don't want to end up hating DH, but I know myself... it almost feels like the beginning of the end, and that is not where I want to go. Anyways... this 'event' has not happened yet, but it's in the 'pipeline'... and I can't even go there in my head right now to what this will look like, how it will operate, or how I will feel. Thanks for your support!