I often wonder why another woman runs my schedule... But due to recent events I've turned over a new leaf. DH is on his own with anything involving sd11 and her schedule. If he has to spend his EOW with her taxicabbing her from Friday to Sunday with all the bullshit her mother packs her schedule with then that is HIS problem and I won't be waiting around for him to get home. Is it hurting me that my husband is a taxi? Not really. It causes me no physical harm so therefore...why do I give a damn? I'm not his mommy and if that's what makes him happy...then go ahead babe, rack those miles up on your beemer and see if I care
Anywoo...my view is to vent here...and let the rest go in real life as long as it isn't causing trouble with my son and me it isn't my problem.

If your DH wants to comply with Bm's lack of time for her children than let DH comply with it...you need to stay out of it and raise your own children. DH's kids aren't your problem especially when you have children of your own to worry about. Those skids are HIS and HER problem. UNLESS they live with you full time then obviously your role is rather different than if they're with you part time. But basically the same rule applies...if they live with you and want to go here,there,and everywhere...let DH worry about it!

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

She probably has no job and is just lazy as hell

We have 50/50 placement, and the entire placement schedule for the skids revolves around BM's work (she works 24hr shifts and can only take the skids on her days off). This schedule results in the skids bouncing back n forth every other day between homes. Activities/homework projects etc all suspiciously end up getting pushed off on our days too. I have been a stay at home parent to BD1 and this means that my entire life has been dictated by this stupid schedule and BM's schedule. I finally had enough. I'm going back to work and told DH that HE will have to deal with the skids stuff from now on. He can either stand up to BM, or be her bitch, but at least it won't be me!

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

You have to take control of ONLY your schedule. When BM changes the schedule, that should be between DH and BM. I complained alot about MY schedule being rearranged to bail THEM out of a bind when I was never consulted in the first place. I refuse to do it anymore. Now, if there is a schedule change, I don't let it affect me. I go about my SCHEDULED day as usual. I have a routine for the week and it includes having the skids every Tuesday and Thursday. If that gets changed without my consultation, I roll with it, but I do not let it change my routine. I no longer get pissed off about it because I can't control it. My FH feels like he has to accommodate psycho BM "for the kids" ( I could vomit just typing those words - that's how much I'm sick of hearing it). I used to accommodate BM too until I found out that she can take off work because she's hung over and she will spend her day off work in a bar and in the mean time the school is calling because one kid is sick and they can't get ahold of BM. I think parents need to do everything for the kids that they can, but making their BM become a more responsible/dependable adult will be the gift you can give them. And BM will never become responsible or dependable as long as she has someone bailing her out at every turn. Well, I refuse to enable her any longer. Let FH and her daddy do it and leave me out of it.
You need to "disengage" from the situation. I don't mean to disengage from the skids - I just mean, for your own sanity, you will get to the point I'm at and I can't tell you what a relief that is.

I can make is to speak to a family therapist about figuring out better dynamics for your home and hope that your DH is the type to take suggestions from a therapist otherwise you have to get used to life as a "single mom" to your kids if DH refuses to change and be there for the children he created with you.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

You have a lot on your plate. Although I think it is your DH's responsibility to care for his own child, your situation is a tad complicated. BUT...why can't you just say No? Why can't your DH say No as well? He can't see that you are running yourself ragged as it is? This is not fair to you or your own child. She runs your schedule because you and DH allow her too.

You can't keep doing this. You said yourself that you never get "me" time. DH needs to really see the situation for what it is, or your marriage is going to start to suffer and even your health.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

I think heather its time for your Dh to say no first and put your needs first and stop feelign guilty for his son. You have to have a talk with your husband to explain to him that if he wants a schedual change to call you and ask if the time is feasible. If its not, then ss will just have to miss his beaver things. Thats all
Example
Sd told my dh 3 weeks ago that the family was having a party but he could pick them up the following day, he used to say ok....now he grew a pair of balls and is saying no. They changed his schedual on his weekend to have them for their convenience and expect him to change his schedual to fit theirs all the time. Well now he says no...and these past months they just skip all together.
Bottom line, Your house comes first, not her. Speak to your dh and tell him your schedual will not change now from the drop of a dime. And keep to it.