Luchay somewhat similar (non violent) incident I went through
My daughter 10 at the time and my SD 11 at the time and my son 10 at the time and my other son 1 at the time and my H went to a trampoline type place. The place is nothing but trampolines. SD kept cornering daughter to prevent her from jumping, or if she would run away fast and try to jump SD would get close to her as soon as she could and again block her. My daughter came and told my H and me. We were in the little kids area with our one year old son. My son was in a separate area on the other side. It led to a screaming match between both H and I and SD, daughter was just crying. Basically my daughter told what happened. SD a denied it all, saying she was making it all up. That all she did was ask daughter nicely to play with her, and daughter was mean and told her no. And now she came to us to make up lies. My H says "oh so we're just supposed to automatically believe everything your daughter says automatically" he says " my daughter doesn't lie, she's a good girl, she just wants to be friends " I point out that kids getting along and playing together well in a place like this can easily lead to serious injury. (This place has a 2 page consent form in fine print releasing them from liability) . I got heated and said your daughter isn't a good girl. She's a mean girl, she has no friends, and she never has. I guess the situation was so outrageous that another mother and her son ( both strangers to all of us) came up and said exscuse but my son saw what happened. Her son proceeds to tell it all, and it's exactly my daughters version. H at that point grabs his daughter and storms out. I follow as best I can with the other kids. Should
Not have. We scream the 15 minute ride home. Along the same line. Him defending his precious angel. All the kids are crying.
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The next day he made a
The next day he made a facebook post praising his daughter and calling me "the hater of an 11 year old girl". It was after that day that I said no more. No more visitation in my home. That I and my children would be cordial to his daughter but nothing more. This was 15 months ago. We didn't speak beyond grunts or have sex for 6 months. Then it got gradually more friendly, but even as recently as 4 days ago he again asked for his daughter to have an overnight visitation. This was Friday. He didn't speak to me all night Friday or Saturday. Til he got nicer nice to invite me to dinner with him and SD Saturday night. I went not because I believed any of his pathetic bullshit, but as a favor to him and let him know. Then he got all nicey nice again Sunday. And today I could give a f$ck. The fact that my daughter could have been severely injured that night 15 months ago killed all my feelings for him. All of them, just like that. He repulses me. He tries his little bullshit, like tonight he made a point to tell my his daughters boots were nicer than my daughters boot. Like WTF??????? How old are you????? My daughter has her own style. If she wanted boots like your daughter, she would have asked for boots in that style.
Oh I have had versions of
Oh I have had versions of that over and over - my daughters would come and tell me something had happened and it would be exactly that from him - YOUR daughters MUST be lying because my daughter (SD) doesn't lie... and the "oh so we just automatically believe YOUR kids?" crap.
ALL the bloody time.
Sd doesn't lie my left foot - that girl couldn't lie straight in bed.
Man - that is the best thing about this (looking for the silver lining, I will NEVER have to deal with her crap again)
Yeah, I was such a gullible
Yeah, I was such a gullible idiot. This was all going on when she was 4, when we met. She was in daycare at the time, and she had to be picked up several times a week for hitting other kids, for the whole year she attended. The teachers told my H SD was the instigator. SD would tell H daddy, they hit me first " and make sad my world is ending face. Same face she makes to this day. I told H one day why would the teachers lie? This is their job and they aren't related to any of the kids" he said "I don't know but my daughter doesn't lie". I made exscuses, she had been through a lot, the divorce, the instability, it was temporary acting out.
He threatened divorce more time than I can count over that incident at the trampoline place. Ask me if I care? Lol.
My ADULT SD made shit up to
My ADULT SD made shit up to get me and her dad to fight before her bridal shower
I didn't want to go because the wedding planning was getting so ugly
SD and SSIL would come over to "visit" but it was only to argue about how much money dad was supposed to give her
Went to the fitting and got the nasty relational aggression from SD BM and friends
I told my husband I wasn't going and he told her
A week or two later I got a call from MOH she was grilling me and demanding a reason
I was very calm and polite and repeatedly declined and offered to send a gift
She just kept on and on just nasty badgering and all
I finally told her that I really need to get off the phone now and cook dinner okay?
Now normal people will say okay and move on
I am trying to politely end the call and it really was dinnertime and MOH is just sitting on the other end of the line silent while I try to politely excuse myself because it really was time for dinner and my AH is a real motherfucker sometimes if dinner is late.
So I hung up.
What else can I do? It's time to cook dinner and she's just silent everytime i try to politely end the call
About an hour or so later, SD called yelling and screaming about how rude I was to the MOH and I had a nasty attitude and finally slammed the phone down. ALL lies
(the real problem here is this was the forst time I tried to lay down some boundaries on these hideous people)
SD cried and wailed and badgered and screamed about how I don't care about her snd her wedding and neither did he
Why won't SM who is a major female figurein her life(she's vacillated between tolerating me for dad's sale or outright hatred-sure, right)
won't SUPPORT her and her marriage by refusing to attend the bridal shower.
That bitch us actively trying to cause problems in MY marriage and has the unmitigated gall to ask me to support her and her marriage while she does it
She got hysterical, cried to daddy about mean old stepmom(who has been thoroughly conditioned to walk on eggshells for years and knows better than to do what she's being accused of)and expected dad to ream me
He turned his fury on her for a change because even he was tired of the bullshit
He threw me under the bus a couple weeks later to get back in her good graces and he knows the whole thing has blown up but I am the one who is blamed for splitting up the family when I very auietly drew a boundary to preserve what was left of my sanity and self respect
It's been downhill ever sonce but I didn't create this damned mess HE did!
By never being her parent but trying to be her buddy and allow her to call all the shots
She got really pissed when I started trying to call my iwn shots and so did he
I'm supposed to just bring in money when I work, cook, clean and keep my mouth shut and never get mad or hurt about these AHs running me over
FTS!!!!
Stick with it ok. You are my
Stick with it ok. You are my inspiration right now
(no pressure there!)
My (our) daughter wants out
My (our) daughter wants out of here so bad and so do I
I'm looking for a job but unfortunately have to be choosy because I have a bad back
Temp agency sent me to a production job and I took it against my better judgment just hoping to get a foot in somewhere
After 3 days they told me to stay home until the background/drug check came back
Then they called asking if I want to go long term
If there was any way at all I would have done it just to have some money coming in but I just couldn't
My back was so messed up the chiropractor said my legs were crooked
I got out just in time before I got out of commission for months
It would have been just a matter of time bfore I was hurt really bad
Literally down for a month or so
At one point my back was so bad I wore a brace and had to have chiropractor tape my back because I couldn't hold an adjustment. That was 15 years ago and I never want to get that bad again
Me and my daughter are in therapy now and our new therapist is as sharp as a tack-she's been "reading our mail"
Trying to spend extra time and attention on my daughter so she doesn't drown in despair
Sometimes it's hard to be fully present as a parent when all you do is walk on eggshells and wait for the other shoe to drop
My daughter thinks AH ruined our lives
She's really mad at him
She says HE tore the family apart brick by brick not me
She really hates him right now
I just let her vent to me and the therapist
I'm not going to judge her for feeling like that
It has to come out and it's better to let it out by venting than cutting or something
My son just graduated and he starts a new job next week that could be a career
They help with college and do all kinds of cross training and his starting wage is 31K a year
So now my daughter wants to do all the things he did in HS to get to that point
They're both great kids and my daughter is still getting straight A's in spite of it all
My son is on his way
I am now starting to slowly make the changes and decisions that will lead to freedom for me and my daughter
I did open my own savings account locally so when money starts coming in I can put some there
I don't want to leave without a job and be a burden on my FOO while I search for a job and be at the mercy of lawyers and judges waiting for the settlement(sizeable 401K)
I want to have a good job and use some of the settlement for DP on a condo or something and invest the rest
I picked a low cost lawyer need to call again and set up consultation
I can't afford to fuck anything up by making the wrong move
Too much at stake especially my daughter
Stay strong, keep focussing
Stay strong, keep focussing on your daughter and on YOU!
You will get there, when the time is right it will come together, and I agree, letting her vent and get it all out IS the best way - as long as she is also being given coping strategies to help her deal with the strong emotions she is feeling (by the therapist)
I do think that this is where EX-OH and BM have gone majorly wrong with SD especially, feelings are not acknowledged, discussed or worked through so she is holding on to SO much pain, hurt and anger and it's directed at the nearest safe target - that just happened to be me. But rather than teaching her appropriate ways to deal with her feelings EX-OH would rather be an ostrich and keep pretending she is just fine and I am the one with the problem. I do feel sorry for her, and have spent three years trying to GET people to get her the help/give her the skills she needs to get through this - but I am not the one who could do anything for her, and it's far easier to blame me than help their kid.