every day feels like yesterday. I forget what day it is. 10 days ago I was still feeling the same way. A month ago I was still feeling the same way. I WANT to give it effort. I want to try my hardest to feel like im doing the best i can and if it doesnt work out then atleast i can say i tried. but i feel like its 'forcing' myself. i gave myself till december and if things dont get better than its adios. but its like every day i wake up, i think about it all day, leaving. i wish i could go back in times sometimes and never would of said yes. havent really talked all week. sometimes i think if there was time together things might end up being better, things could go back to where they were before(which actually would have to be like last june, before they went away) , BUT then there would be the same problems i was feeling before, trying and they feel like its not enough, just a never ending cycle. i think part of me has already given up, but i dont want to be a 'failure' till i feel like i've tried 100%. part of me is blocking feelings. i just dont know what to do. and in return school crap suffers; just unmotivated. i need to actually TRY to see any results, but on the other end, would they give effort, or would they feed me the same lines they always do? Then i would feel the same way as before........